Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Kateydid123 09/14/2017

Hello everyone, it's been a couple weeks since I have posted on this site. For some reason, my emotional health has been steady. So just to torture myself, I wanted to write a poem related to me administrative all the drugs I gave my wife and her last six days on this earth. The poem, was not for this site, but for some reason I felt I had to write it. In the very beginning of this poem, It took me right back to the Darkside. I loved her so much, I would have never imagined in a million years that I would be the one who was injecting her with morphine and other powerful drugs for six days. It's a double wammy for me, not just to losing her but to play God with my beautiful little redhead. Whenever there was pain, I was there, 24/7, and in her sweet little voice, she would thank me for putting that poison and her to make her feel better. At the very end, I still wonder if she died from the cancer or maybe the fatal does that I gave her. What a beautiful girl. If I have to hear one more time that this is Gods plan, I will go crazy.

YAM 09/14/2017

Iam so so sorry for Your loss ......

Deodarglow 09/15/2017

I can tell how much you loved your beautiful redhead. It is heart wrenching. From what you say, I must have narrowly missed having to do that for Jordan. He died early in the morning of the day we were to begin morphine for his cancer. Hugs to you.

vwidow 09/15/2017

So your wife had cancer pain? My Mom and sister both got cancer and received opioids. My Mom had no cancer pain, just difficulty breathing, which they viewed as painful, injected her, and put a fentynal patch on her which I removed, they put back on, and she died a few days later. Fentynal I heard now is 100x stronger than morphine...It also enters the body faster/is intensified by heat, and my mother's hospital room was sweltering. The staff probably knew this.
All opioids accelerate cancer in the body,-proven. That's why researchers are trying to find alternatives.
My sister did have discomfort and took morphine earlier up to when she died in a hospice home. I wonder the same thing about her--what actually killed her. I know the opioids caused my mother to hypoventilate to death. She was essentially put to sleep.

Zammit 09/15/2017

I'm very sorry for your loss. I hear you about "God's plan" or "there's a reason behind it". It drives me bonkers.

Gentle grieving hugs

staygolden3 09/15/2017

Dave...You were just trying to make your sweet lady as comfortable as possible the best way that you could under the circumstances. Pure love....that's how I see it....the inevitable was going to happen and you helped her to enter her next phase as peacefully as possible. Isn't that what we all really want? To show our love the best way that we can. You did what you had to do regretfully but in the truest form of love that you could have given her.
You were with her up until the very end.....what better vision could she have had other than the love of her life in her sight as she drifted off? Even though it was the hardest thing you ever had to do and see in your life....you still were together. You were her rock that she always depended on. You never failed her, even in the end.
The medicine that you administered didn't lead to her demise......that awful disease did.....you just made it easier for her to cope with that monster. Bless you for your strength and her for hers.
Ease your mind and don't dwell on those negative thoughts. Those happy memories far outweigh the bad. You were her angel and always will be!
Warmest hugs to you.....
Darcie

Cavewifelost 09/15/2017

Dave, I totally agree with Darcie. I truly couldn't have said it better. You did what you had to do and you were there with her every step of the way. When Dave went in the hospital the last time and we realized that he was dying, they did something nearly unprecedented and turned his hospital room into a hospice. They took him off everything besides his pain medications. When they took him off his fluids, I wailed. I remembered when he had his first miserable cancer surgery they botched it, essentially, and there were complications. He wasn't allowed to have any water at all , even ice, and he was SO thirsty. I finally violated their orders one day and gave him a sip of Coca-Cola. He was a coke junkie from that day forward. Anyway, I couldn't bear the thought of him being thirsty, so I sat by his bed and constantly swabbed his mouth and lips with those stupid foam lollipops and made the nurses promise to do the same in my absence. We do what we have to do and we do it out of love. You eased her pain as I tried to ease his thirst. You loved her and you proved it to the end. Try to take solace in that and know that she thanked you for it as I'm sure my Dave thanked me. Also, I'm tired of all the platitudes too, but people are at a loss and they just don't understand or know what to say. <3 Anita

TheWillimon 09/15/2017

Man I tell ya I really feel for you but imo everything you did was right. You gave your wife as much comfort as you could and she didn't always have to feel pain. Bottomline it was the cancer and please don't think it was anything other.

I firmly don't believe in God's plan tho I am a firm believer In God. He doesn't make plans for people to get drunk and get in accidents or have overdoses or anything else that causes death. Life happens as life happens. I do know in marriage you are considered as one and there's no way I'm in heaven if I'm not reconnected with my beautiful wife and I'm gonna die thinking I'm gonna be.

As a guy I'm giving you a hug. Hope that's allright with you.

Kateydid123 09/16/2017

Well received!

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