Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my beloved Daddy on 7/17/16, after his body started wearing down quickly over a matter of weeks. 15 days later, 8/1/16 I lost the love of my life, whom I met on a blind date at 18. Married almost 35 years. He'd survived and fought back fiercely with me from a disabling Ischemic Stroke, that happened 4/11/12. Only to suffer multiple heart attacks, that unexpectedly took his life suddenly. He was out for a drive in the countryside of our small rural Village, as usual with our 2 dogs along for the ride. The truck crashed after he'd passed away, taking the life of my beloved Yorkie, with him. The exact route that I take to & from work, M-F.
The term is compounded loss. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!
2 months tomorrow. Doesn't seem possible! Feels like days ago. First you're busy with the unpleasantness of an autopsy, then visitation, funeral... Then dealing with legalities and red tape. The dishes of food stop, the cards, calls, visits stop. I'd already experienced that with my husband's stroke, and expected it again.
Now, all I am left with is the horrific grief! Fear, loneliness, uncertainty that come with it. Holding onto your faith, is all you truly have. Hoping the pain will lessen, and you can find glimpses of joy in life again. I'd always thought myself to be a very strong woman. Right now, I struggle to find her. Getting through each day, working full-time, and long hours. We got cheated out if a 30 yr Life Insurance Policy after my husband's stroke. I didn't have time then to fight it...
Hoping this pain will lessen. It's frightening!
You said it, compounded loss. I am so sorry for all your losses. This is a lot for anyone to bear but I notice a strength in your writing that tells me that you are a survivor. I know you don't feel strong now but it's there. So for now dear heart just move from moment to moment. Take one step at a time. Make sure you drink plenty of water and eat at least once a day. Try to sleep. Keep coming back to Daily Strength. Write when you can and read what others have posted, it will help.
I am a widow over 3 years now and I can assure you that things do get better over time. The grief doesn't go away but it changes. Changes into manageable memories.
Hold on and for now just focus on taking care of you.
It will take some time but try to be patient . A bereavement group may help. Keep coming here. Everyone understands and cares. May strength and peace be yours. Hugs, Dolores
I'm sorry about the insurance problem too. That hurts. I too was left without it, as it along with practically everything else not tied down was sold to get us through my hubby's long illness. But we managed as did I in going back to work with in a week after his passing. Frankly, that helped as I had very caring and understanding folks at work. At first I regretted it, but now I look back on it and I am thankful that I had a place to go. For me, it was better than sitting at home and dwelling on everything. It kept my mind busy and that was a great help.
In my experience, the loneliness really does set in after all of the activities following a funeral stop. It also seems like those that say that they will help you or ask if you need anything, kind of go away. I just think that some people just don't know what to say to you. So, don't be afraid to ask people for help and if you're lonely don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call someone. Waiting buy it for it to ring will oftentimes leave you alone and wondering where everyone is and why no one is calling. So like I said, pick it up and call someone if you need them. Often times they're just waiting for you.
You do sound like a strong woman and I have faith in you and your strength and know that you will be ok. I wish for you strength, courage and peace in this very trying time. Please know that we are all here for you anytime that you need us.
Big hugs coming your way.
Darcie
My heart reaches out to you. I am so sorry for your loss.
I have had similar experiences to Darcie. After the first harried weeks, the busyness does slow down. I have not heard much from some folks, but others that I did not think would contact me, have reached out to me. I firmly believe that folks that have not experienced this type of grief, are not sure how to deal with us. People are afraid that they might say something stupid or inappropriate. I also hope that they never have to deal with what we are experiencing.
Take things minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Be kind and gentle with yourself.
Blessing, Hope, Peace and Healing for you for today and for all that are hurting today... Mark
I am a fighter, survivor...since 3 mo. premie birth. Lost my larger identical twin that same day.
I know with my faith, I WiLL somehow survive all of this compounded loss too. It won't be easy, it's gonna be emotionally draining and heartbreaking at times.
But somehow I will come through it all.
Take care.
Peace, Tim