Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
One month today and I havent moved a bit. I am sorry if my post will have some discouraging effect on others.
Today is a month since my Ts body died. I eat and I sleep, I take care of my cats, and I talk with Dad in a "almost normal" voice. But I still dont believe this happened, my bitterness, anger and resentment seem bigger than ever, I havent been able to go back to work, I havent found any grief buddies here, I have developed new addictions - to DS specially - and I am considering moving in with my Dad...
Dad tries his best to see me through this, stated clearly that he thinks its better for me I stay in my flat, and he is the most important person in my life now. My T always says/said here in the south we stay with our parents way too long, that it is not healthy for adult children to live with their parents...
But I feel so alone, I live with the certainty I will never find another love, with the almost certainty that if my Dad passes before me I will go immediately after him, trying hard to believe one day I will meet my T again waiting for me, but not really succeeding...
If only I was sure he was there waiting for me now, I would find ways of fixing all of this, and even though he always says/said its wrong to take ones life, I know he would understand me and support me, as he always does, and it will all be good again
The only hope I get I get from here, but it does not seem enough. I am sorry
Today is a month since my Ts body died. I eat and I sleep, I take care of my cats, and I talk with Dad in a "almost normal" voice. But I still dont believe this happened, my bitterness, anger and resentment seem bigger than ever, I havent been able to go back to work, I havent found any grief buddies here, I have developed new addictions - to DS specially - and I am considering moving in with my Dad...
Dad tries his best to see me through this, stated clearly that he thinks its better for me I stay in my flat, and he is the most important person in my life now. My T always says/said here in the south we stay with our parents way too long, that it is not healthy for adult children to live with their parents...
But I feel so alone, I live with the certainty I will never find another love, with the almost certainty that if my Dad passes before me I will go immediately after him, trying hard to believe one day I will meet my T again waiting for me, but not really succeeding...
If only I was sure he was there waiting for me now, I would find ways of fixing all of this, and even though he always says/said its wrong to take ones life, I know he would understand me and support me, as he always does, and it will all be good again
The only hope I get I get from here, but it does not seem enough. I am sorry
The feeling you have are what we have all experienced, the feelings of hopelessness. My wife knew I would be feeling this way, because she too faced a great loss in her life at one time. She asked me not to do anything that would cause myself harm, and I promised her I would not. She also wanted to know that I would not turn to drinking or anything else, and I promised I would not.
A couple of months after my wife passed I went for a walk with my dog. It was a beautiful day, a time when spring was in bloom, and in my mind I could hear my wife say to me to look around, look at the beauty. I could hear her say to me live so I can live through you. I will always remember that day. It was the day I felt some kind of hope again.
We have to take baby steps, that is all we can do. Everything is overwhelming. But you are not alone. We are all here to help, and this support group has given me great support since my wife passed. I appreciate all the advice, the kind words that I have received over the past seven months. I also write down how I feel in a journal, I find this helps me a lot, to understand.
I understand what your partner meant, however, those were in the days when life was comfortable, this is far different ...
Grief makes people ill, its like trying to run w/a broken leg ...
Virtually impossible ...
Look up stages of grief, this will provide you w/an idea of what is happening to you & what to expect ...
These stages are universal ...
When people say we all grieve differently it defines the independent choices we make on how or what we want to do w/our grief ...
Rest assured others have been where you're at ...
You are not going crazy or different from others in mourning ...
It can be good for some to be close to family or friends who care & love you ...
It is also quite beneficial to be close in distance to those who can help or assist you in any way possible as you convalesce as well as learn to cope; it can be reassuring & create safety ...
If you decide to move back to your flat in the city, try contacting a church, hospital or funeral home for suggestions/directions to in person support ...
This may help motivate you to move back as well as find the help you need so you won't feel or be alone ...
Babe, good luck w/your decision ...
I made two trips to a favorite place the first 3 months trying to escape the pain of loss. It didn't work. What did help was counseling, sharing here, writing my feelings to examine them, and reading information on grief. Wishing you better days ahead, and they will come, but slowly. Sharon
You can message personal topics, problems and support. Journal daily grinds, past influences that effect your grief path..
There used to be a direct chat but a new configuration for DS, that was a casualty.
But because, members are all over the world, there is usually someone to respond. Some topics may not be answered right away...because you got us thinking! Then as thoughts form, you get responses.
Other times you can just rant/vent...we see and understand...but some times I wish we had an "I hear you " button, similar to FB's like button. Just to let you know it was seen. When there are no words, just listening is needed.
But we are here, more than you may think, finding frienships and support...from those that know how much these "W/W" shoes hurt.
Gentle hugs,
Jewells.