Good for you, Lielie! My 'firsts' are all still coming, too, so I know what you're facing. It's scary and we'll probably stumble some, but you have a good attitude about it and seem to be focusing on the positive. I'm trying to do the same and am finding that it helps. You're 3 months further along than me, so it's encouraging to hear that the 'good days' keep getting more frequent. Thanks for sharing, Lielie! We need the 'good' posts, all of us. <3 Anita

Thanks Anita, hugs and strength to you

The firsts are hard. I think it because all the memories are so fresh and seem like only yesterday. Some do best in gatherings. Others, do best all alone. Just take time to reflect on all the happy memories and the love you have for each other (which never goes away). Grief always take way longer than any of us ever imagined, but it takes what it takes and that is time. Deep spiritual wounds like a broken heart are slow healing. The waves of grief pounded us at first, relentlessly crashing into us. But then out of nowhere, we have a good day. More grief. Another good day, then another, and another. And then another grief wave. It has been described as the waves of grief get farther and farther apart. Be prepared for even bigger waves, but the timing in between gives us rest. You'll be fine. The hardest part of each event is our fear of our having another grief attack. It is never as bad as we fear it will be. Just always leave yourself an escape plan if you go anywhere. If grief hits, you want to have full freedom to leave to be alone and not be trapped in any event. Take care. Scottie

So glad you are having many good days. That is the best perspective to have right now. It also lets you know that when you experience a difficult day, the sun may shine again tomorrow. I have often found that the days or weeks leading up to an anniversary, birthday, etc are sometimes worse than the actual day. I've tried to make plans for specific important days so I don't have the opportunity to drown in sorrow. However I have also found that I need to allow myself to experience the sorrow and not be afraid of it. I'm coming up on the second anniversary of my husband's death this weekend and I've been having some difficult days but am looking forward to the sun shining again. I've gotten several signs this week that let me know he is watching over me so that brings me comfort. But boy do I miss that man! God Bless Marybeth

I am at the same point of grief that you are. My Renee passed away in April. Been thru a lot of first this summer. Somehow you get thru it. It might not always be pleasant but tomorrow will come. I always plan something with family for big first. This way if one of us has a hard time we are all there for them. I found that grieving with your kids is the hardest. I have 5 kids ranging from 30 to 18 so the maturity level is all over the board. But as a family we can get thru it. Hoping for more good days. Ron

Thank you Marybeth and Ron and Scottie. Yes, I agree, the sun will shine again, that knowledge helps a lot. My son had a breakdown last night, cried so much, all I could do was be there. But this morning there is a smile again, I am glad. He tried too hard to be strong, so it was bound to happen. End of matric exams 3 weeks away, his matric farewell tomorrow, many things dad is missing out on, but I will try my best to make tomorrow special for him. Hugs and strength to all of you

i know what it is to do the first of anything after you loose your spouse. it was only a week till christmas when my husband died and that was last christmas it was not so bad my mother stayed with me since the funeral and my brother and his wife came to my house the day before christmas to spend with me on christmas eve. it will be hard for me this christmas cause i will not have anyone staying with me as far as i know. i have a brother and a sister and do not hear much from them. my husbands birthday is in nov and that will be a first. last new years was hard as i was alone. we used to go out to eat every new years then out somewhere for drinks. or downtown for fireworks. my so called friends don't bother with me much . yes and this will also be my first thanksgiving with out him but my boys still are home and we are going to go volunteer at a local church that gives out free meals and we can eat with the people to. we did that with my husband before. i know that God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.

Those firsts are incredibly difficult. I've had my first Christmas without my husband now. First anniversary without him. His first birthday without him. Many other firsts. The hardest one so far was my own birthday. He would buy me half a dozen or more cards, and each one had a special, unique message only the two of us would understand. Funny, romantic, ridiculous, and always meaningful. The last romantic one he gave me said, in his writing, "Now and forever, I love you. I look at you and see your beauty radiate back at me. I see that you love me. I know why I love you." And then two months later he was dead. Next month will be the first anniversary of his death. I don't honestly know what to do that day.

The firsts. Didn't even know what that meant until my darling man passed away last November and now we are one month off the year anniversary. I miss him, I will love him forever, I have good days,I have not so good days. This morning I had a good cry then I went out and had a lovely afternoon with my twin grandchildren's sixth birthday. Poppy lives on in their life....they talk about him often, believing he lives in the stars. He lives in my heart, and for the time being I take peace from that.

Everything seems So Different without them..its like i am a whole different person now. He took most of what was Me with him. Two months before the anniversary of his death I started getting panic attacks. Scariest experience i ever have had..panic attacks,they went away because i got this phone call from a counselor that i had been trying to get in with them for over a year and a half !! It was before my husband died as with his long illness or his stuttering death as we call it ,70 % of all people die like this now due to improved health care and more technology.Anyway, we were both depressed...and i was hoping i could get to see one but we were so broke. This one is certified etc...so i went to see her the first chance i could due to my panic attacks..and before she said Anything i knew i had to start and try to do something for me..so i went to this unemployment place that had helped me before they mainly deal with unemployed criminals The John Howard society here in Canada..the they have people there who are counsellors as well ..so i think i see a trend here now