Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
My husband passed away four years ago. But oh, my, you brought up memories of those days....It felt as you were describing my experience a few years ago. Checking that dreaded box for the first time was a nightmare. I had the same turmoil of emotions, and every time my grieving would emplify all over again.

It is very painful to acknowledge that new realitity, the way how the outside world defines us; and each time that sad word "widow"felt as if my flesh was cut with a razor.

Surprisingly, but among other survivors while attending a grief recovery group, this word did not seem harsh, and it even created a comforting connection between us, sense of unity with others who lost their loved ones.

Indeed, It is one of the steps in accepting that unwanted reality. There is no other way, but the bereavement, going through the pain, so we can begin healing.

I am so sorry you are going through this painful part, because I know how it was for me. I am not out of the grief entirely, it is still tough sometimes, but no comparison.
It will get better if you will work on it. Not only time heals, but your efforts, journaling, creating opportunity to share your life stories, talk about your spouse, make something in his memory.
Allow yourself to feel the loss, cry when you feel like crying, write about him, about your love, do not try to act strong, but allow yourself to grieve.
Slowly, little by little, your strength will start coming back, and you will be able to begin rebuilding your life as a woman who had survived the most devastating life event, yet has the strength of a character and the faith to go on living purposeful life.
I will be thinking about you. Please keep us posted about your journey.
I am sending you a warm hug.

Yes,
I was filling out something too & when it came to maritial status, the lady asked and I sat there stuttering and could barely get the word out. She was looking at me strangely at first until I finally got the horrible word out. WIDOW. She got a kind look on her face and said "I'm sorry". I told her that was the first time I had said it outloud.
I can relate to changeing all your info too. I had to change mine on everything too.
When I went to our bank to change our accts I cried it was so final. I have not changed our mortgage yet. I need to get a small estate affidavit done first. I am having so much trouble with all this.
Wishing you better days ahead, Lucy

I can echo your sentiments exactly. The first time that widow word cam e up for me is when someone in another group of DS suggested to me to join the widow's group. I had to take a step back and think why would they suggest that group to me. Then I realized oh yes, I am a widow. Also soon after when I went to a new doctor visit, I had to check that word and doing my income tax, I had to check that box. The first year it took the longest time for me to do my taxes because of the widow status.

I just joined the group........ I, like you, have lost my husband a month ago after a happy life together for 44 years, and the grief is almost unbearable. I truly understand how you feel and how little things can set you off when you least expect it; I have had many of those......It is awful and uncontrollable; yes, I had to put down on paper that awful word widow, and for a minute there, I was sure that it didn't apply to me, or that I was filling out the wrong form.....
There is so much to take care of too, so much paperwork, it is overwhelming especially for me because he used to do it ALL. Cars, house,repairs,finances,research, there is NOTHING that he could not do, and enjoyed doing.

I had the life of a princess! and did not know it.

I hope that you have family to help you, dear, I have no one my daughter and family live in Hawaii, and of course they were here for the funeral and longer-------during which I felt numb, by the way--------- and after they returned to their lives, the numbness wore off big time, and the grief is intense now. I found a bereavement group not too far from me and going to go first time next week; everyone who spoke to me, even my doctor, recommends it.
Of course, at my age, I lost many dear very longtime friends, and the couple remaining are not nearby.
I wish you well, you have all of my sympathy for your terrible loss, and I will check this website often and keep in touch if you like.
This is a wonderful support group for all of us who have lost loved ones and are suffering. A hug to you.

I hated checking the "widow" box, but even worse for me was the first time I only had a choice between "Married," "Divorced" or "Single". After Cliff died, I had to change the primary beneficiaries on everything including my pension plans. The forms only allowed one of those 3 choices. I protested - I told our pension rep there should be a box for "Widow" but she explained it was a legal requirement. I hated it. I didn't feel "Single!" After that, if I saw a box for "Widow" I appreciated that at least somebody would recognize it.

Cliff used to go with me to all my medical appointments. I will never forget the first time I had to go to the Ob-Gyn's without him, and the entire crowded waiting room that day was couples - young couples there for pre-natal visits, older couples there for other reasons supporting each other, even a few seniors there together. And then me all by my lonesome. I think my blood pressure readings wound up kinda high that day after holding back the tears in the waiting room...

I am sorry you had to have that experience, too. We get it....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I think it is a universal gut kick the first time any of us have to check the box SINGLE or WIDOWED. It is a black and white concrete acknowledgement that we are alone now. By checking the box, we feel like it's OK that that are gone. IT IS NOT Ok with me that he is gone. It's like having him wrestled from my arms all over again.

To hear such similar pain at having to do such a seemingly small act, reveals that we are all alike. We all feel it's unfair that we should have to mark down that we are widowed. It's painful. Every time we have to do it. I'm at 3 years and I still HATE to check that box.

Yes, I remember it well. I actually checked marriage on forms that I felt it had no bearing. Like you, I held on to my married feeling for as long as possible. One of the stages we must survive. So sad. Sharon

The worst is when I went to the social security office and it was this one room with folding chairs and you had to take a number like at a Baskin Robbins ice cream shop and we waited, my son and I, for a long time and they finally let us go thru another door and sit at a lady's desk. I had the death certificate with me and it showed me listed as his wife but the lady told me she needed to see our marriage license to prove that we had lived together in the same house?? I said it showed I was his wife on the death certificate, but she said that didn't prove that we lived in the same house so that is why she needed to see our marriage license. My son was asking me puzzled, how does a marriage license prove that you lived together?? I didn't know either. So we had to go all the way home and come back again and sit and wait, all for the lousy $250 that they give you to basically give up his social security number! I had to keep his account open because they would only deposit it into his account! It was all so cold and impersonal, I cried the whole time.

My husband & I were married 41 years. Even though he had been sick & disabled for 20 years he died very suddenly from a cancer we didn't know he had. I changed my facebook status to widow about a month after he died and it wasn't easy. Everyone knew because I have been very public about my grief, but it still was a strange and sad experience. The worst for me was my first trip to see my dr. about 2 1/2 months after he died. I was fine until the dr. walked in and then I burst into tears and couldn't stop. The biggest problem was insomnia, so I was given a prescription for sleep meds. That really helped a lot.

I hated the word "widow", I still feel married to my husband who passed away 7 months today. The estate thing still going on, seems forever. I don't like to remove his name on everything. I still keep one checking account with his name on so that people would not know that I am alone. There is another term "unmarried" being used.

Subbydriv: Sorry you have such a bad experience at the social security office. I had a very good experience at the one I went to. The lady was very kind. My husband died overseas, the death certificate came home with his remain had the wrong birth date, She took it, explained that it would not matter because it was only a couple of days off. She knew that I didn't know how long it would take for the embassy to issue the correct set.

My husband has been gone for 6 and a half months. The first time I had to mark widow it set off my anxiety. Didnt want to be a widow at 43.
Then I changed my fb recently, first to single. No didn't feel right then to widowed, took awhile thought I might change it back to married but I left it. Hate the word widow.

I just did the same thing at the doctors office a couple weeks ago. I had to answer that question too. It was surreal to me as well. It's something I never thought I would be answering that way. It's something that none of us wanted to have to answer that way. God I miss my wife.

I didn't like the reality of having to mark the widow box either, but it beats not having a widow box to check. At work it's married, single, divorced-----It has been over 2 years and I have been meaning to contact HR and let them know that single doesn't fit for me. I would rather say, I'm widowed than single.

I know what you mean. It seems like everywhere I go I have to strike her from the role. For 30 years she was my person to contact and now I have to have her removed and replaced with someone else. It re-opens the wound.