Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members

19,465 Posts

0 Online

loveddogs 07/13/2015

At nearly twelve weeks in this journey, I do feel like I am making a little progress. Though all the holidays and birthdays were all tough, I made it through without him. Do I like it NO. But it is what it is. I finally decided that I can cry and still do things at the same time. I have been trying to rid my home of all the medical crap!! So yesterday I went through all my husband's unused medicine, there was a ton of it. And all the supplies and equipment. I am getting closer. A pharmacy here will take his unused meds and destroy them. I will donate the walker, crutches and shower bench to a non profit organization. And much of the supplies, guaze, heating pad, cleansers unused seringes etc. I will donate to our local Humane Society. They now have a full time Vet on staff and maybe could use these things. The silver lining is that now I will have room to put up the little youth bed and a toy box and a reading area where all those damn boxes of supplies were. My little grand daughters will have their own space in "Grandpa's room". Was it hard? Damn right it was. I ran across old pictures and books of his and cryed buckets. But I know if he is watching he would be pleased that the little ones have a place of their own in "his" bedroom. Haven't delivered these things yet. "maybe tomorrow" Rome wasn't built in a day. But I do feel this is one more baby step to surviving this journey. Hugs to all, Michele

matoacalady 07/13/2015

Proud of you......I have not removed his things yet.....all the medical was taken by hospice, but his pants are still on the end of the bed and his shoes under the bed.......I just cannot do it yet.

dschwartz 07/13/2015

Atta girl. Very proud of your progress. Yes, I do see progress from when you first arrived here. Baby steps indeed . . this one was a huge one! Keep it moving sistah. Hugs, D

loveddogs 07/13/2015

Oh Jen and Dayna, I have no intention of removing any of his personal things, clothes etc. at this time. That may be years from now and I am ok with that. I just want my home to be comfortable again. Our forty years together were not just about his illess. We were so much more! Even though he is no longer here, I feel like this is still "our home" as it has been for 29 years. And if I never part with his personal things, then so be it. I have room. (I am such a pack rat) so it's not his stuff taking up room, it's all the crap I have kept for apparently no reason. You know the "might need it, use it etc. etc. etc. His side of the closet is still full as is his dresser and his collections. For now I find comfort in these things. His jeans are still on the chair in our bedroom and his cane is where he always kept it. But I have fond memories of his cane. He used to tickle the grand daughters with it. Or they would snatch it from him and run. Oh the memories! Hugs to all, Michele

Shrn 07/13/2015

Good for you, Michele. You are doing things in your way and in your time. That is progress for sure. Sharon

BrokenGeo 07/13/2015

Michele,
Regarding your last reply (no. 3). What you posted about everything still being in it's place as it was before is exactly the same here. It's a little over 2 years for me and nothing has changed here either. I could have writen your last post almost verbatim. I keep everything clean but everything stays put, either till I have to leave because of not being able to look after everything, or just because of my own life coming to an end.
If I was to remove all, or any amount, of her things, the empty closet space etc. would be constant triggers throughout the whole house. I would rather be reminded that she did live here once and as far as I'm concerned, still does.
Whether my attitude will change further down the road, I don't know. but after fifty+ years, I don't think so.
Do what you're comfortable with.

Best Regards, George

ptorres 07/13/2015

Michele, glad you are working through this. Me and my brother rebuilt my back deck this weekend and although I will never sit there again with the one I loved we always said if anything happened to either one of us we should stay in the house we loved. So I can't let things go as painful as it is to keep up on everything by myself it is what she would have wanted.Sounds like you turned a bad memory into a good thing with your grand kids as well as the donations. Good job!

sandeestttn 07/13/2015

Good job.. I did all that, but everyone acts like that room is haunted, and afraid to go in there. Won't even go through there to go to patio, they walk around the house. lol

maryelnew 07/13/2015

give your self credit - way more than a baby step - that was a big girl job! way to go. Hugs to you

mclizm 07/13/2015

Wow, so proud of you. Way more than baby steps. You did an amazing job and will be able to make some happier memories with your grand babies. You deserve huge pat on the back. Keep up the hard work. Hugs, Liz

loveddogs 07/13/2015

Thanks to all for you continued support. Today hasn't been bad yet. I have decided that one of my goals is to just let the tears flow. It's painful and leaves me with a headache, but I do feel I need to. Tomorrow I may feel differently and maybe curled up on the floor banging my head and licking the windows. lol but I know I love my husband and he loved me. One of our last conversations was me telling him for the millionth time that I loved him, he saying he loved me too and then him saying "I wonder who loves who more?''What a wonderful (but heartbreaking) memory. Oh dear, here come the tears, but that's ok, let them flow! My dogs are used to it. lol Hugs and Love to all, Michele

rebl3157 07/13/2015

Good for you! That was a BIG step.I was the exact opposite. Most of his things had to go. Everytime I would see something of his it would break me in two. I kept some things but they are in the curio cabinet. Having to move out of our apartment made it that much easier, I had no place to take things. I donated all of our furniture except our bed and moved in with my son. I had no income and had to get the smallest storage unit I could for the few thing I did have. The only thing I have in my new house that was "ours" is the country kitchen table he built me and the chairs we bought to match it. I also haave his riding mower in the shed. God job! Rachel

eric1971 07/13/2015

That is a great step towards your future, having a spot for your grand daughters. And yes, unfortunately it hurts. At first I couldn't move a thing of my wife's, then some things turned into a constant reminder that she was gone. Those things got donated, some things got packed away, and others are still where they were.

npc4204 07/14/2015

Awww, Michele, I'm glad your granddaughters will have a space in Grandpa's room, that's so sweet!

Last week, at the one year mark, I finally cleaned out my husband's closet, and called the Vietnam Vets for pick up. I kept a pile of his t-shirts to have a quilt made later.

I also cleaned out all of his medications. (and there were LOTS), and I took them to the local police station, where they had a collection box for CVS to destroy them.

Baby steps, I agree.

Hugs,
Janie

tiger1962 07/14/2015

Long march starts with baby steps. So proud of you, Michelle. Hugs, tiger

bookdragon 07/14/2015

Michelle- I am so pleased that you are feeling like you are making progress. All the hospice supplies made me so sad, brought back unhappy memories, so those had to go. The rest of Larry's things, i donate when it feels right. I do have an easier time letting go of things because i don't like clutter. The garage and shed have so much stuff in them that i close the doors and think tomorrow i will do it. Your are so right Rome was not built in a day. big hug Patti

Join the Conversation