I understand. I saw on your profile you are 62. I am 57 so I know the feeling of not wanting this pain another 20 years or so. My husband transitioned early 2013. What I can tell you is that grief changes with time. No, it does not go away. Instead what I have found with myself and others I share with is that in time the awful pain becomes a part of us in a way that does not drive us to our knees anymore. These days when I think of my Donald I am able to smile. I can now think about the best of times, his smile, his hug, his laughter. I have come to know Donald in a different way since that awful day. I did searches on life after death. Read books about near death experiences. Read about signs our loved ones may give us. What I find is that I do get signs from him and I don't care if anyone thinks I am nuts. I KNOW its Don telling me he is watching over me. In that I feel comforted although it is bitter sweet because what I want is to be able to see him and feel him like I did in the old days. But those days are in the past and in the here and now Donald still has a place in my heart and I can still feel his spirit.
You ask what more you can do? Just keep doing what you are doing. Keep reaching out to others. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Take good care of you. Try to get rest. Try to eat healthy. Try to get exercise. Learn something new. Just do the best that you can do. Don't be hard on yourself. I want to give you a big {{{HUG}}}. Take care of you.

I know how you feel, I read something today that fits how I feel to a t - "This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?