Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Vic will be gone 5 weeks tomorrow. This last week was pretty busy for me, I worked 3 days, Wednesday I went to the family ranch in the mountains with my cousin, we had a wonderful day taking in all of the beauty, listening to all of the nature sounds and the babbling creek and no one around for miles, it was a gift from God and it calmed my soul, although I did often find myself thinking about all of the things that Vic would have loved to paint.
Friday I went to Santa Cruz coast to pick up Vic's memorial cards, he had several of his paintings scanned there and I had cards made of them for his memorial service which I am having this Saturday. We used to live in Santa Cruz and the place was right by Vic's favorite restuarant, too many memories in Santa Cruz and way too many people, Vic and I loved the ocean so much but this trip was sadder for me. I took along a friend who was widowed 4 years ago, her and her husband used to be our neighbors. She could of course relate to everything I was going through, but she is a type of person that talks incessantly and that got on my nerves after awhile.
Yesterday was my first social outing since Vic's passing, my nephew is leaving for Air Force officer's training today and it was a going away party. It felt kind of strange, when Vic's name came up, the subject was changed most of the time. When I left I felt very sad and it was a 90 minute drive home. When I got home again to the empty house, my kitties were there too greet me but I felt sadder than ever and just wanted to go to sleep, I went to bed around 8 PM but woke up at 3AM feeling very sad and lonely and missing Vic so much.
Seems like there are so many people that are into vegan or vegetarian diets lately, my cousin kept telling me what I shouldn't be eating or drinking, I just told her I was going to enjoy eating and drinking whatever I wanted because I wasn't afraid of death or dying. I feel like I have lived my life long enough at 67 years old, I have no kids, realistically I am aware that no one will really miss me when I am gone and i know where I am going when I die which is a much better place, so why worry about what I drink and what I eat? I believe I can eat or drink anything as long as it is not in excess.
I feel sad alot but not morbidly depressed, there is a difference, there are times when I feel very happy, there are times when I feel very sad, I never stay in any one emotion for a long period of time as one does in depression, I just always try to view everything from the perspective of eternity and that really helps. I bought an audible book called "Intra Muros My Dream of Heaven, and listened to the whole thing one night, it was very relaxing and I highly recommend it, it was the authors description of heaven that she had as she was in a coma as she was dying.
Today friends are coming over to help me plant some tomato plants my cousin gave me. No matter what I do, there is always something that reminds me of Vic, I have learned I just have to accept that as the norm and try to just live day by day and go along with whatever God has planned for me to do each day. He always knows better than me what is best for me at that time. I find myself trying to learn from everything rather than question it. "
Friday I went to Santa Cruz coast to pick up Vic's memorial cards, he had several of his paintings scanned there and I had cards made of them for his memorial service which I am having this Saturday. We used to live in Santa Cruz and the place was right by Vic's favorite restuarant, too many memories in Santa Cruz and way too many people, Vic and I loved the ocean so much but this trip was sadder for me. I took along a friend who was widowed 4 years ago, her and her husband used to be our neighbors. She could of course relate to everything I was going through, but she is a type of person that talks incessantly and that got on my nerves after awhile.
Yesterday was my first social outing since Vic's passing, my nephew is leaving for Air Force officer's training today and it was a going away party. It felt kind of strange, when Vic's name came up, the subject was changed most of the time. When I left I felt very sad and it was a 90 minute drive home. When I got home again to the empty house, my kitties were there too greet me but I felt sadder than ever and just wanted to go to sleep, I went to bed around 8 PM but woke up at 3AM feeling very sad and lonely and missing Vic so much.
Seems like there are so many people that are into vegan or vegetarian diets lately, my cousin kept telling me what I shouldn't be eating or drinking, I just told her I was going to enjoy eating and drinking whatever I wanted because I wasn't afraid of death or dying. I feel like I have lived my life long enough at 67 years old, I have no kids, realistically I am aware that no one will really miss me when I am gone and i know where I am going when I die which is a much better place, so why worry about what I drink and what I eat? I believe I can eat or drink anything as long as it is not in excess.
I feel sad alot but not morbidly depressed, there is a difference, there are times when I feel very happy, there are times when I feel very sad, I never stay in any one emotion for a long period of time as one does in depression, I just always try to view everything from the perspective of eternity and that really helps. I bought an audible book called "Intra Muros My Dream of Heaven, and listened to the whole thing one night, it was very relaxing and I highly recommend it, it was the authors description of heaven that she had as she was in a coma as she was dying.
Today friends are coming over to help me plant some tomato plants my cousin gave me. No matter what I do, there is always something that reminds me of Vic, I have learned I just have to accept that as the norm and try to just live day by day and go along with whatever God has planned for me to do each day. He always knows better than me what is best for me at that time. I find myself trying to learn from everything rather than question it. "
Even after all of this time, I can be surrounded by many people that care about me but because my husband is not there, I still feel alone. Coming up to an empty house is one of the hardest thing's to face. I do have my two dogs waiting for me so that does help. I'm all they have and it gives me a feeling of being needed. Your feelings of sadness, depression and happy days. They are all normal and part of the "Grief Journey". Take care of yourself and God Bless.
Darsky
Always Sue
I too am childless and realize that there will be few around to mark my passing. I have often thought it really doesn't matter about my nutrition but then I am now care taker for my elderly parents so I know I must keep myself healthy to take care of them. I have battled weight issues all my life. Recently a person whom had had weight problems said they overcame them by asking himself "will this food nourish my soul, my spirit"? If the answer was no then he would pass it up and ask himself "what food would nourish my soul"? He said sometimes it would be something simple like a few blueberries. I found this to be pretty profound for me. I have begun practicing this and I feel physically better. When I am feeling physical good the emotions seem easier to handle.
I have tomatoes planted and since I live along the gulf coast in Texas they have already been producing. I find taking care of the plants helps me feel at peace especially when my parents are being challenging. Its nice to run outside to the plants and they alone know my troubles.
The most important thing to me in life is my relationship with God, His Word is what nourishes my soul and spirit and in return that affects how I feel physically and mentally and this is not to say that others who suffer in those areas don't have a good relationship with God, but I do believe that a good relationship with God is what is going to get you through life when facing all of the adversities of life.
We all have to face them, it is our mental attitude and how we face them is what is going to determine how we get through them. One can eat all healthy foods, exercise every day, etc. etc. and still experience disease and ill health and adversity in their life. Even though sometimes we hurt and feel sad, when we have faith, we know there is a light at the end of the tunnel even though there are many times when we just can't see it. We still trust God when we are going through difficult times and He will give us whatever we need to get through it. Many of the people I know who are health fanatics but have no faith, suffer from anxiety and depression and have to seek out counsel from psychiatrists and psychologists who can only point out things they may or may not be thinking or doing but they can't give them confidence, peace and contentment about the future as only God can.
I don't have any kids and my parents passed away years ago, so from my perspective I am ready to go whenever God chooses to take me, in the meantime I will just continue to follow His will and do whatever it is He wants me to do while I am here. I sometimes fall in my walk with God and I don't always do what is right but that is the beauty of His grace, I know He is always there to pick me back up again and start over again each day.
There is a time to mourn and a time to grieve, we just have to be careful it doesn't take over our lives and become a morbid obsession that leads to the trap of self-pity as that will cloud our judgement and impair our thinking and lead to a more chronic type of depression which is hard to come out of once it becomes a normal way of thinking if one stays in it too long. I know because I lived there for many years before I came to know Christ. It was only He and His Word, that helped me to get out of it.
In life we have a lot of hills and valleys to go through but when we trust God through them, we know they will all lead to a better place in the end and knowing that makes it a little more bearable as we go through them.