Joe, I am very sorry for your loss...I'm "a-little" older than you, and March 12th was 9-months since my Marylou transitioned to Spirit...we were together 32-1/2 years, both of us spent half our lives with each other...I have a way of looking at this that some people don't like, but I really don't care who don't like it or not...to me, I love her so much that the notion that she is "gone" forever and that I will never see her or be with her again is absolutely unacceptable to me, and anyone who knows me knows that trying to argue with me about it does more harm than good...instead, I have been following the research of NDE's (Near Death Experiences) for many years, and other kinds of research into things Spiritual...not religious, but Spiritual, there is a HUGE difference...the existence of an afterlife, and the immortality of Spirit, which is each one of us, is something that cannot be proven...it is for the most part, a matter of Faith...In America the first amendment ("Religious" Freedom) gives each of us the freedom to choose what we believe...and personally, I do not believe in what many people call "death".
Getting a little long here, talk to you more in times to come...
Welcome to DS...Dave

HI Joe. Wow. You just described my life perfectly. I am 45 and only 3 months out (tomorrow will be the 3 month sadiversary). Someone described life as "flat". I think that is a perfect word. I, like you, am doing all the things I am supposed to, and so I think to the world, I probably look OK. And truthfully, I am OK. But that's it. I still laugh at lots of things. My husband was funny and we laughed a lot. That is something I will never stop doing. But am I happy? Not yet. I have confidence that I will be one day, but not yet today.

I wonder if some of it has to do with allowing ourselves to go there. To feel happy. I feel like in the last week, the sadness has eased off a bit, and honestly, I feel a bit guilty about it. Intellectually, I know that it doesn't mean I love him any less, or miss him less. But it feels wrong somehow. So I see this next phase of the process is going to involve me working through that.

Thanks for the post. You are not alone in your feelings at all.
Kate

Joe, My heart and prayers go out to you. Although I have not experienced the loss of a spouse, I can relate tremendously to the pain associated with different types of loss including death. I don't think there is any one person who can accurately say what is going to work for everyone, but yes, there are different ways to cope with grief that can assist in rebuilding one's life.

I do know of one particular support group that has been helped many, many people from all walks of life through the process of bereavement and with wonderful results. The organization is called GriefShare. They have regular in-person meetings where you can discuss your experiences with grief and receive and provide support as needed. In addition to the face-to-face meetings, they also free, ongoing phone and email support to members. You might want to check out their website when you have some time and see where theyre located in your area.

Your wife will always be in your heart and memories of her will stay with forever. My thoughts for your emotional well-being are with you and I pray that you will get stronger as the weeks and months go by. God bless.

Joe, its only been 9 weeks since my husband of 30 years died suddenly. I too am just going through the motions. Some days I feel as if I am moving through sludge. My emotions range from neutral to tears.
Like Dave,I consider myself to be somewhat spiritual as opposed to religious. I keep waiting to "feel" my husbands presence.So far, the silence has been deafining. I write to him every night in a journal I keep. Maybe he can see it, I hope so.
I keep hoping that someone will tell me how to do this...a recipe for surviving grief, like making a pie or something .
The only answers I get,are as you say, that there are no answers.

Hi Joe -

I ready your post and, for the most part, it was though it
was written by me. At just over 7 1/2 months, I just keep
going through the same routines. I feed the dogs and keep
the television on even though I am not watching most of the
programs. I go to work and go through my routines and the
day ends and I do the evenings all over again. I work
through the negative thoughts as much as possible but do
get a little overwhelmed now and then. I talk to her and shed
tears and it is " OK " until it builds up again.

My wife and I were together for 31 years. I was 16 years older
than her. She lived in fear of losing me, her older sister and
her 88 year old Mother. Three weeks after my wife passed,
her older sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given
6 to 12 months. Last week, I had to return to the same funeral
home for the Rosary and the following day had to go to the
same church for the funeral with the same priest. I was
completely in another world as my wife and her sister closely
resembled one another. At just over 7 months, I had no choice
but to completely relive my wife's Rosary and funeral.

I am not starting over on the grief journey but some of the
intense pain I thought was gone has now returned. Maybe I
shouldn't have attended the Rosary / funeral of my sister in
law but I did what I thought my wife would want me to do.

Now, I am quickly jumping back into the same routine. I
don't feel angry but do confess I feel somewhat lost. I
have spent a lot of time reading about NDE's but have
drawn no conclusions

Somewhat like Dave, I love my wife so much that I almost
refuse to believe she is gone. I talk to her a great deal and
ask her to let me know she can hear me. A couple of
things have happened that indicate she is sending signs
to me but I am almost afraid to acknowledge them as I
won't want them to be the last time I hear from her. I shall
be patient on my requests and see what happens. I am
not going over the edge. Just missing her beyond any
degree of explanation.

Like you, I just feel numb most of the time

Blessings, Joe -

Darrell

Joe, I cant imagine what you are going through, can only imagine the sadness, and your missing your special soulmate. I am praying for you, and just do what you can, and how you can, to get yourself through each day, one hour at a time. You are not alone. Much love and big hugs carla

Hi Joe, glad you posted. This is no fun at all, and nothing we do (or try to do) has any normality to it. Time and lots of it is the only thing that can heal our broken hearts --- sad to say, for me, it just kept getting worse before it got better. Now, I don't know if I'm just in the eye of the hurricane or getting better -- at least I can think now with the help of anti-depressants. My faith just wasn't strong enough to adequately function in my job. Don't work too hard as an escape, you've got to go through this grief to get better. No avoiding it, sooner or later, you will experience it so do your best not to run from it. Glad you're back my friend. ~~~ Scottie

Hey Joe,
It's been seven months for me. The sadness and grief is still just as strong but I do get the part about just going thru the motions. Before my wife was here we made plans for the day and the future. Talked about todays issues any life in general. I come home to an empty house and like you feed my dogs and go thru the motions. I am lost in that my future has been obliterated and the pieces haven't fallen in place yet. We had begun talking about retirement plans and finally could get back to doing some of the things we had in the beginning of our marriage. Like your wife my wife passed without warning. I left for work came home and she was gone. I am a man of faith so a lot of praying and trying to understand the reasons why. Life is what it is, we take a chance and love someone unknowingly opening ourselves up to uncertain futures and possible traumas. Just take of yourself. We have to somehow learn how to live with it.
Peace, Tim