My heart aches for you as you grieve for your dear wife. This is a good place to find support and understanding. There is no "quick fix" for the pain you feel; however it helps a great deal to find many who understand. Those who have not lost their mate have no idea how terrible it is. I did not go to therapy, and had a "built-in grief group" with other widows in my church. I was fortunate. Many find anti-depressant meds can help. If your therapist can't prescribe these, perhaps your regular dr. can. No shame in seeking help during a time like this. There are "Grief Share" groups located all over the US. Search on the web for those in your area. Many times the sessions are at churches. Most all the reviews I have read about Grief Share are good. Some members here have shared good experiences about Grief Share. It is very good that you are seeing a therapist. There are men here at DS who will also share their experiences - as well as many gals.

Take good care of yourself physically and try to take the days one at a time right now.
Wishing you peace - Doye

Kelly, I am felling your pain and am sorry we had to meet here on DS, I also lost my wife in December she was also 51 with stage 4 lung cancer our wives were our lives I was married 25 years, we do not have a choice but to LIVE, our spouses would not want us to be this sad, we will manage to cope with our grief and just remember all of the memories we had with them, I joined a group and I am the only man with 7 women it helps but i wish there were more men to lean on, I cry all the time and try to be strong for my two sons but the pain is just unbearable, I hope with time we can try and function we have to, we will be ok, we can do this. John

Hi Kelly,

Glad you found this group. I just found this group when my husband died suddenly in our back yard in February. He was 68.

I'm sorry about your awful loss, she was so young. It's hard to believe all of the people we see around seem to actually live into their 80s and 90s, and certainly 70s are considered normal lifespan.

Do you have children? Might be too young for grandchildren.

I understand completely the thought of not knowing why to go on. Agreed, it's not a suicidal thought but more - why would I trudge through all of this grief? What is the point?

If your therapist is suggesting a grief support group, can he tell you why? Would being in the company of those with the same issues be some help maybe? He is one person with one set of ideas and suggestions. Maybe a support group with more people could bring something else to help you cope?

I will also be searching out a grief support group and I have the same questions you do. I will try it, unless it seems to be more 'pain than gain' and then I wouldn't continue. Maybe we can both try it and compare our experiences?

Welcome to this group.

Kelly, I am so very sorry for your loss! This journey is agonizing to put it mildly. We here at DS/WW do "get" what you are going through. I sugest you come here as often as you can, as often as you like. The wonderful people here have been a live line for me. They are so full of compassion and comfort. Just know you are not alone on the journey. Hugs and Love, Michele

I'm glad you reached out Kelly, all of us here have been there or are there...the same place as you...I remember so well after my husband left (Stage 4 lung cancer too), the pain was so bad, I didn't think a heart could create physical pain but it does, and the despair, I was never suicidal, but those thoughts swirled around in my mind....why do I have to go on without him...Tears rolling as I write...I heading for the 2 year mark, it gets better, it really does...we all have to take each day as it comes and one foot in front of the other and just keep plugging forward. We are here for you...hang in there...

On January 23rd 2013 , my husband passed from Lung Cancer -8 days after being diagnosed. It was shocking news to start with and we thought we had a few months to say goodbye ... I was devastated ! Like you I did not want to go on but because he asked me to , I did. At first I used that just to be able to get up everyday . I actually did not move on , instead I moved forward. Each step a progress and often taking step back.

I was surviving not living ...That's all you need to ask of yourself right now..Just survive ...Time may not heal all wounds but it does smooth and help. 8 months after losing him , I joined a bereavement group and it was hard walking in there by myself as a widow of 48 years old (He was 52) when others were much older. I forced myself to go for 3 sessions before something clicked and I realized that indeed I could be helped in that group.

Be kind to yourself and do let the pain happen so that you can learn to let go of the pain , be opened to groups and give it a try if only for the fact that you would do anything for her...That was my mentality, I did for him until one day, it started to be for me as well.

thank you so much for all your replies and thank you for saying " you would do anything for her" that really hit home for me she would want me to move forward and get the help I need and I might not be able to do for me right now but I can do it for her

Hi kellyjp -

I lost my wife two weeks before you on 28 August, 2015. We
were together 31 years and married for almost 25 years. It
was sudden with a heart attack. She was only 53 years old.

I identify with everything you are saying. The tears have not
stopped for over six months. I live in chaos at home alone
and I am a zombie at work. The attacks are almost non-stop.

I was older than her. She was terrified of losing me and being
left alone. I was not afraid of death but lived in fear of leaving
her behind to suffer what I am going through. I would not want
her to have to go through this horrible LIVING HELL on earth.

So, what I try to concentrate on is the fact she will never have
to suffer through this torment. I am doing it FOR HER. She
had a very strong faith. She will be waiting for me to arrive
when it is my time to go. I will meet Him and I will see her
again. Spending eternity with her and loving each other and
both of us loving Him will be the perfect ending to our love
story.

Blessings to you, kellyjp - I know your pain.

Darrell

I know exactly how you feel about not wanting to be here but not being suicidal. I've had those exact same thoughts. Dealing with grief is tough, but suicide isn't the solution. Know what I mean? To use an idiom, that would be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Might be that grief group your therapist is suggesting could be just the thing to help. I'm very sorry that you've lost your wife, but your therapist probably has a reason for suggesting that.

She wouldnt want you to give up, I do know the feeling, of despair, loneliness, and just the loss. It will as time goes on, subside just enough for you to be able to breathe, a few seconds a a time, then it will be minutes. You will notice more memories, of a happy time, being replace with the bad, and those things that bring you pain. I hope you will remember one thing, she wouldnt want you to give up she would want you pushing foward in her memory. Much love and big hugs carla

Hi. I've tried group meetings for widow's and widower's through hospice and I found it helpful. For one it got me out of the house when I just wanted to be left alone. I also joined here and as you can see I remain here. The advantage for me was I could participate at my own schedule. There were days I spent hours here and days not as much. We are at various places in our loss so you can find those who are in great pain and see the future to give you hope. I am sad for your loss and wish you the best. You are always welcome to join in or just read. Sharon

Hi Kelly, I am so sorry for the death of your wife. It is so difficult for all of us when we lose the one we love. You know in my grief, I reached the point where I too was nearly unable to function. I was diagnosed with depression and given an anti-depressant. I'm normally anti-drug for anything, barely will take an aspirin. But the medicine has really helped me -- now I'd say I'm at about 50% instead of 10%, but hey, that's a whole lot better than how I was doing. This grieving takes its toll on us. But don't give up hope Kelly. You have a purpose for being here still, and in time that purpose will become clear to you. Most of the time we can't see that purpose until we get to the end of the tunnel and look back, and then we understand. I'm glad you are here, and you will be loved by a lot of caring and compassionate people here. We really do understand your pain and your broken heart. God bless you and comfort you. ~~ Scottie

I really understand the feeling of not wanting to live. I lost my husband nearly 5 months ago. I don't want to die. But I don't have any motivation to live (besides my small daughter). My life without him is not something I wanted. I am told that we will find reasons in time.