So sorry for your loss. We all know about being alone. I wish it was as easy as just pulling myself out of this, but it isn't. You have already had the strength to get through the first year and all of the firsts and you are still here. I am only 4 months in, but I have good days and bad days and assume that this will be the way it is for a long time. You are lucky to have had your daughter with you for the time that you have and when it comes time for her to leave, you will adjust to it just being you - unfortunately, we have no choice about this. Enjoy the next 8 months that she is at home with you and just know that when the time comes, God will help you cope with the aloneness that we all have to go through. Good luck to you. Hugs, Norma

I dont think we are feeling sorry for ourselves but just grieving still. Im at 17 months today and while Im doing much better I still miss my wife so much and still cry when I think about it. This starting a new life is really hard and confusing stuff thst we really dont want to be doing.
Russ

I too am so sorry that you lost your soul mate. I am happy you found this site.

I met my wife in 1969 when I was 16, she was 20. We dated and were married in Oct. 1972. She passed of breast cancer on Sept. 19th 2012. It was 6 months from her diagnosis until her passing. She passed 2 weeks shy of our 40th anniversary. I understand what you say when you say your whole world came crashing down. It is the same for me. I am fortunate that my son, his wife and little son now lives with me. Even at that i have a profound feeling of loneliness at times. For me I don't know if it will ever be different. I deal with it much better now than I did the first year. I'm not sure how it would have been had the kids not been living with me.

Take care of yourself. Remember the good times, i know how hard that is, but it helps sometimes. God Bless, Jeff

I'm so sorry for your sudden loss. Our lives are similar in the respect that I met my husband when I was 14, we married when I was 21. 31 years of marriage before I lost him, no children.

"Alone" and "forever" are scary words to anyone, not just those that are bereaving. They were too much for me to ponder when I was at 14 months. I had to get into the habit of taking one day and one moment at a time. Forever is impossible unless you have been bitten by a vampire and live forevermore. The space will eventually be filled with new friends, new ventures, your children and family. If that isn't enough, there is always the possibility of male companionship, if that is what you desire.

At 5 years I have discovered that I just want to be me. I'll always be married in my heart, and that won't change. Now my life and decisions are on my terms. You'll get there, I promise.

I have learned in the ten months since my husband died of AML that its an emotional roller coaster. Good days and bad. I have certainly learned to appreciate the good ones and get as much out of them as I can. You most certainly are not feeling sorry for yourself....you are grieving still. I was told that the grief never ends but the intensity lessen. I don't like being alone 90% of the time but, am getting use to it. Since I have moved I find myself talking to my husband a lot as I am doing it all....its hard...lifting things and moving things...that was his job. But, now I have all the jobs. I wish we could have do overs...many hugs to you, Colleen

Where do I go from here, is a question that is always on my mind. I can tell you that I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am on my way to becoming the person I will be. At one point I was headed down the path of becoming a grumpy old man. I have many choices yet to make and I am determined not to become that grumpy old man. So, when you ask, where do you go from here? I will just say, keep moving.
Sorry, I know that is not much help, but it is all I have.
Martin

"aloneishard" what you offered is indeed a lot. It is the basic truth. This journey is filled with pain and sorrow but also choices. The choices we make will decide how much more pain and sorrow with add on or not. great reply.
AV6613 , what I have learned the last 18.5 months is that our journey is filled with ups and downs and as the days go by the ups last a little longer and the downs a little shorter and easier to bare. Our human mind has emotions that need to be felt. I have much of the same thoughts as you . My 21 year old daughter transferred back to a University close to home after her dad passed . This had been planned regardless. She has 2 more years before moving on to another phase towards becoming a child psychologist . We are doing so much together as shortly after his dad passed , our son accepted a job offer that took him 30 hours car ride away. I realise that while I have these thoughts I need to continue working on being self reliant . One day at a time . we can do this.

Not feeling sorry for yourself...handg is right...we can do this.
Russ is correct also, we are just grieving, and starting a new life is very hard and is what you are doing.

I'm so sorry you feel so alone, I do too. I do too.