Hi Joe, I don't know about anyone else, but I don't think I had a good day until I was at least 4 months into this nightmare. Truly, you are not unique and everyone of us gets exactly what you're going through. So never ever be sorry here. Spill your guts man, if that makes you feel better. You know I hear a lot of guys say how their wife was truly their better half. I know that was true with me, and I believe it was true with you. Our loves grounded us, gave us direction, gave us purpose. Everything we did, we did for them. Our love for them was so off-the-scale great. And when they leave our life, it leaves a hole in our heart big enough to drive a semi through.

You know, I had an older sister that was married to John, who I thought was the greatest guy in the world. She developed some mental problems, and at about age 31, she died in a head-on collision on a country road. Her death devastated John. Within 2 years he had drank himself to death. He had been dead 10 days before his mother came by to check on him. What a waste. I never understood how he could have done that to himself, but I do now. The pain is too great and it can consume us. But what would your girl say to you now? What advice would she give you Joe? You've got to reach out and find a reason to keep going -- anything. You're purpose has not yet been fulfilled. So hang in there brother. Write all you want here. Not one person here will ever judge. But somehow, you've got to find a way to let the pain out. We've all got to go through it. It ain't easy. And it ain't fun. But it is necessary. And it takes time. Lots and lots of time. May God bless and comfort you in this your time of need. ~~ Scottie

Hi Joe, I'm Kim and my husband died a little over 10 months ago. We were also not blessed with children, and my husband was my life too. Yes, I'm very sad every day. Today would have been our 20th anniversary. If I offered advice to you, it would be to hang in there, and just come to terms with what you're feeling now. It's ok to be sad, mad, confused, nostalgic, etc, while remembering that those of us who don't have kids must be here for a good reason, even if we can't fathom what it could be. We all care what happens to you because we understand... Hugs,Kim

February 18th would have been our 49th. anniversary

Sorry, posted prematurely.

I know how it feels to have these special days are like. I know what returning to an empty house feels like. I know how much you want to drown out the pain. But we can't. The only way to end the pain is to work through it. Let the tears flow without apology. Scream if you think you need to. Do what you need and try writing her your feelings. I filled two pads of letters to my husband and even a few to God for what I considered his fault. I was pretty angry and the people here understood. They gave me hope and that's what we offer you. Comfort in your pain. Someone to walk with along the way. Grasp hold of our hand and make her proud. She believes in you. You can do it. I know, because I will join the others to help. Sharon

Hey Joe,
I could have written what you have here. Everything you said is what I am going thru everyday like the others here. It is the hardest thing you will more than likely ever go thru. I get the uncertainty about the future because my future was with her in it. Right now I just plan to continue with what we wanted to do until something changes. My wife passed in August our 15th anniversary was in Sept. The night before the 15th I wrote her a letter of the things I would say if she were with me and the next day bought a single rose. I went the grave, even though she has already gone home, and read the letter and placed the flower there. I buried the letter in a zip lock bag on top of her grave and said a prayer then cried. I felt like the whole time she was standing there with me listening in. I thanked God for having been blessed with some one like her and went home. A few days later I went back and the rose had dried in the plastic wrapper so I brought it home and placed it on the mantle and it's still there.
I write all this to say we have to do things our own way to get thru. You are very right that it sounds like you were a blessed guy to have had her but also she was blessed to have had someone to love her as much as it is apparent that you did and still do.
Just keep reminding yourself what would she wish for me to do and take it a day at a time.
Peace, Tim

Joe, I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much. I totally understand, may I wrap my arms around you and comfort you.

Hang on, Joe. It's as painful journey, I know!

With Love,
Roz

Joe, my heart aches for you as you travel this hard road. I think all those "Firsts" we live thru the first year are extremely hard. Your approaching anniversary is naturally a difficult day to contemplate. The birthdays, weekends, holidays ..... If you have friends or family you can be with on your anniversary, ask them to meet you for a burger - or coffee - or something. Even if you don't want to see them or eat a burger. Little by little we have to learn to live in this new life. It takes a long time for that raw pain to ease some. I have been a widow 7 years, and I still have a "hole" in my heart and life, but it has healed around the edges. When we have been in a long marriage and that other half is gone - there is no way we can heal and feel good in a short time. If you can think of at least 2 or 3 things to be grateful for each day, write them down. This includes sunshine, a dependable vehicle, friends and family, nice neighbors - so many things are really blessings. I have lived in the same house for 42 years, and have wonderful neighbors. Hang in there, and know that people here KNOW how you feel and will do all they can to encourage you.
Wishing you peace - Doye