I'm sorry for the journey you have been put on. The love of my life passed in an accident where she had a fall last July, and one thing led to another, she contracted pneumonia, then her heart gave away. I remembered those early days I didn't know what to do with myself.

http://www.dailystrength.org/people/5057601/journal/14010975

Joe, I understand how you feel. I used to wish I could go be with my husband too. Then my daughter unexpectedly died on December 6th, and I... I don't even know what to say about that fresh level of hell.
But I'm still here, just getting through the moments as best I can. I've been so lost and so broken and so friends off with God, really teetering on the brink of despair and smothered by fear. Add a dose of financial ruin to the mix, and that's how my life looked. Ruined and excruciatingly painful. So why not be over?
Because hope springs eternal and I have things to do. Raise my two granddaughters, support us, write my internationally renowned, critically acclaimed best sellers, make chocolates and fudge, and be of service to others, maybe just a smile on a gloomy day, or the voice of reason when someone is reaching for waxy poor quality chocolate. Plus I still haven't got to drive a getaway car.

I am so glad that you had such a great life together. Maybe you can find a way to honour that life in a way that will give you comfort and purpose. I have a long list of suggestions, but I won't bombard you with them, cuzz you have to get there at your own pace and it has to be something that speaks to you, to your heart.
And I really am better at being a cautionary tale than an inspiration.

Take good care. I'm sorry for your pain.

I'm so sorry for your pain, Joe-- we've all been there. I found great help from talking to a grief counselor and just being told "it's all normal." I hope someday you can cherish your home as a gift from your girl to nourish and comfort you. You are in all of our thoughts and we are here for you.

My husband and I closed on a condo in Florida in preparation of partial retirement three weeks before he passed......It was something we had worked at for a long time, checking out place after place each time we travelled there. We also purchased some pasture land not to far from our home and had just completed our "tiny" home about a month before he died. So hard that life turns up side down in split seconds....There are however strings that always attach us to that former life and those are our memories. Sending you caring thoughts and hoping that your road forward is as peaceful as possible....Kristen

Joe, I just wanted to let you know that I do feel the same as you and you are not alone. As for believing in god, I have been doubting quite a bit and if there is one, I am very angry with it. But I don't want to get in any belief war, we are all free to believe what we believe. Your property and house sound lovely.

Take care of yourself,
Garry

Joe, I totally understand, we have almost 2,000 sq feet on almost 7 acres. and I am going to either sell or build. Too many memories that make me cry. he and I both wanted to build in another town, with 20 acres. So he wanted to sell this house too, so I know my sean would be ok with it. Plus, this is alot of acreage, and myselff and my two girls cant maintain this. You have to find that thing that helps you push forward, I say this, because when I'm concentrating to much on what's missing, I forget what lies ahead. I have my two girls, I have to finish raising my youngest, and my oldest needs me, after losing her dad. She is very proud of you joe, for the fact that you still have faith. Allow yourself to feel that sadness, but give yourself permission to smile, she wouldnt want you to not do what makes you happy. She would be ok with you selling the property and moving elsewhere. Now she would say, is your time for peace and tranquility, take out that map, and put a spot where you would like to be. She will always be with you, no matter where you go. Sorry if I offended by anything I said. This morning has been awful emotional for me. Much love and big hugs carla

Joe I have walked in your shoes as we all have. My house just wasn't a home after the early days and months my Amy passed. It will be a year for me Feb 13th and I have come to the realization that I needed to make it a home again because that is what she wanted.
I still have my giant dogs and my tiny kitty to take care of and that gives me joy to come home to.
Although I am surrounded by the things she did to make it our home in time my surroundings have become somewhat comforting instead of causing pain.
Eventually I will make it more of my home and replace the flowery girly stuff that was her style but for now nothing has changed and I don't know where else I would go.
I too had a blissful life with the love of my life but now I have a different life. No choice. Ramble on Joe were are here with you. Peace ~Pete

Joe, I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much. I totally understand how you're feeling. Morey and I had a wonderful home overlooking pasture land with a beautiful picture window view of the mountains beyond and a lot of upkeep.

After Morey passed I knew I wouldn't be able to care for the land and keep up all that needed to be done. I sold the house one week after putting it up for sale and I'm living closer to my job in a wonderful, smaller home that I can care for.

I felt so empowered when I was able to put savings in the bank, give the children some money and pay off all our debt.

I know that one day I will see him again......not in heaven.....but in another lifetime.

Joe, you must be strong for you. Live in your home and take it one day at a time. I moved quickly because I'm a woman and trying to take care of so much by myself was trying to do the impossible. I faced the truth of my life head-on and I'm so grateful now that I did.

None of this journey is easy but we have to prevail and do it. We have to carry on for both of us now.

Thank you for sharing your truth,
Roz