Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I am moving this post from Bereavement. I guess I belong here..
This is my first time here. First post. It's been, like the title indicates, 7 weeks since she passed. Diagnosed already in Stage 4 adenocarcinoma to lungs, spine and bone February 2016. She as never sick. She never smoked, never worked in carcinogenic environment or substances. She was always healthy before, never got sick before and I do mean, never. She was the kind of person whose personality and "aura" would attract people. She was a friend to anyone who was open to it and didnt care if you weren't. For those of you who know, she was quintessentially italian. Family, friends, food, fun and God. She was my soulmate. I'm not sure what to write or how much. I wish you all could have known her. You would understand my grief better. I'll post this with some trepidation as I have been misunderstood and maligned for "public grieving".
Your wife and I had some things in common. I too had adenocarcinoma. It was early stage. I had surgery on my lung (2014) then 30 radiation treatments. I continue to test.
I can relate to Family, fun , food, friends and being Italian. My Dad was Italian.
This is a wonderful group. Every one has had a loss and they understand and care how you're doing. Try to take one day at a time. Go slowly. If there is a bereavement group in your area, you might attend their meetings also. Exercise can help. Know that you are not alone. No problem with expressing your feelings here. My thoughts are with you for strength and peace. Love and Hugs, Dolores
Accept and adjust. baby steps. What choice do I have? The psychological and emotional cost of denial is inestimable but imminently tangible. I'm not angry. I know that. I have somehow been spared that sometimes inevitable descent from pain and hurt to blame and anger, so far. Vicki and I had the privilege of being about to spend her last 8 months together, 24 hours a day due to the loving generosity of my co-workers. Over 1300 sick leave hours were donated so I could take care of her. Is this too, I dont know, too much? I have no idea what rules are for posting here. Limits.
So sorry for your loss. This loss is beyond any other. The loss of your future, your best friend, damn, it hurts. Share your feelings freely here. This place is full of really great people who have gone through this and care.
We spent 2 months in ICU before my wife passed away from complications due to alcoholic cirrhosis, 10 weeks ago now. I got to know every nurse in the place as I basically lived in the unit. You guys are angels. I don't know how you do that job every day, but know it is appreciated.
I'm 9 months out. My husband collapsed while we were raking leaves last November 5th, and he died 20 days later from "poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma of unknown primary". It was in his liver, lungs and pancreas. We didn't even get to start chemo, which would have been a shot in the dark anyway. We never knew where it originated, but it was like a wildfire. I'm grateful he didn't suffer any longer than he did, but that didn't make it any easier signing a DNR and the paperwork to remove life support. You know all of this being an ICU nurse and I cannot say enough wonderful things about the ICU staff those last few hours of Scott's life. They were absolutely wonderful.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you're still fully enveloped in the very dark fog of early grief. I promise it will get a little easier with time - and support from the widowed community. We are a fierce tribe!
Take care, We care. Love and Hugs, Dolores
Please do post as often as you feel the need to. It is true to adjust by baby-steps. Working in the field of ICU is difficult (believe me, I know). Your beloved, Vicki, seemed to have a great talent with homemaking skills. I admire that! And I would have loved to have known her. The love you shared is still with you; use-it-up when you feel emotionally wasted. She fills the reserve can with love each time you need it. I am so saddened by your pain. Also familiar. I am only a few years ahead of you. My husband is a cherished joy to me. So stay bonded to the love, and truly feel free to express your deep feelings.
It's a pleasure to meet with you today. (welcome to the love!). I feel that your Vicky would say, 'Decorate a box in my memory, and place it somewhere in home; perhaps on a mantle.' Try hard to keep loving traditions active. Your love is not very far from you; she stays nearby to comfort, and she is still increasing in spirituality. And she very much grieves with you. Soon as you can smile through the agony of pain, she smiles too.
Best hope to you and many warm and tender hugs are sent your way today. One hug is in honor of Vicky. She is a sweet spirit!