Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

7 months tomorrow

Drewyd
Drewyd

My beloved Andy died suddenly in January this year. I was back at work 12 days later and 2 weeks after was airlifted to hospital with pnuemonia. My adult children are scattered throughout the Uk and my very frail in-laws live 800 miles away. I know that I am lucky with my family they keep in contact and my eldest has bought a house close by. I live on an island and life can be tough weatherwise, transport, communications etc. I began to write to friends and family, never re-reading what I wrote, not expecting replies, just out pouring of how I felt at the time. I was off all 'helping' medication and thought I was coping. I am sleeping 12 + hours a night but still exhausted. I found out earlier this week I have been sleepwalking. I don't know how often but the evidence was there. My doctor would like me to take time off work and in her words 'grieve'. Although I have no mortgage I still have bills to pay and need to work. I miss my Andy all the time and seriously don't see the point of fighting to get through every day. Any experiences, advise I accept gratefuly. I also am overwhelmed with guilt as I keep thinking I should have done more when he collapsed.

rerouting
rerouting
I'm very sorry for the lost of your husband,I feel for you...my husband of 29 years passed away in March of this year.We don't have a choice...we have to go on for our husbands and love ones.My thing has been faking it until I make it,now it't become apart of me(lol)I've fooled myself.One thing I've found also...everyone has issues and families and needless to say,ppl like us has to find our way and most of all what works for us to get us through the day.I realize that Only the strong survive in this game called life.My husband and I have 2 girls attending our state university,which is a big part of me keeping my head in the game...It's not easy but,I pray daily for peace and guidance,You're stronger than you feel you are.I will pray for your health,strength and peace of mind
Drewyd
Drewyd
Thank you x
rerouting
rerouting
You're very welcome...my daughter just caught me in tears and asked me if something was going on with me,I shared with her that we can feel each others pain on this website because we're all here for the same reason(the lost of a loved one)hugs to you
AquaStar52
AquaStar52
Oh that stupid guilt...the "should have, would have, didn't do it" stuff that makes you nuts. Let it go as best you can. Lost my husband of 34 years four years ago, I was sleeping alot and wanting to be alone, couldn't read, couldn't concentrate on a movie either so basically sat in my juices until that particular timeline went into the next one where I started spending time watching my husbands favorite TV shows (I could remember him laughing at them and really enjoying himself). Big Bang Theory is the sitcom that got me out of my funk. One night I just found myself laughing. The sound was a surprise, as I thought I'd never laugh again. Now four years later, I can read books again, enjoy friends, go on vacation to new places, feel comfortable with my family even they they are a bunch of nuts. I love life now. Every morning when I wake I still remember he is gone, and my life is what happened before and after he passed but I'm making it one step at a time. It gets easier. Of course I talk to his picture alot....it helps that I know pretty much what he would say back to me....
Drewyd
Drewyd
Thank you, I used to read a lot but find myself unable to read any new books, just re-reading old favourites. I too talk to Andy's photograph and he loved Big Bang Theory. I guess it is all the firsts, his first birthday was heartbreaking 3 weeks after he died. Our first anniversary. I took my friend and my small motorhome and went to The Shetland Isles as we had been there the previous anniversary. It was nice to share those places with a friend. I miss his hugs, I have noone to hug me or for me to hug them. Although my son is on the same island he is a fisherman so is out at sea a lot (another worry) and I can go for a week sometimes longer without seeing another human being. I can't trust myself not to react if someone says How are you today? I feel full of self pity being self indulgent. I don't speak this way to others. I hide behind the facade of social media apart from my letter writing. If anyone is interested in having a pen friend then please let me know. Or even a postcard buddy. Just short notes rather than letters. I live on a small island called Sanday it is one of the Northern Isles of Orkney at the top of Scotland.