Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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honey94 09/16/2014

After my fiance passed woman began to surface saying they were in relationships with him. One is saying she is pregnant. She was supposed to be 2 months she found out the wednesday after the wreck. There has been no pictures of her anywhere but she is steady saying she misses her baby father. I have yet to hear of a due date or anything. Today she is supposedly going to find out what her baby father left her. I am so angry. Everyone in his family is angry. Mind you she also had a boyfriend and still does to this day. His mom and sis says they will not give any blood or anything to have this alleged baby tested to see if it is his. Although I am so extremely hurt I would rather know. Anybody that is pregnant and say it is his because he is not here to defend himself. I told his mom I would rather have the baby tested and know if it is or isn't his rather than allow her to just say it is because it can't be proven or we are refusing. I really hate I am having to deal with this. I don't believe it is his just because of the way she is going about things but you never know. Oh yea and she blocked me off of her face book page and we weren't friends. But she came to his funeral with a shirt made of a pic of them kissing from 4 years ago that they weren't even together by the time they came back two weeks later. Please give me some encouraging words.

cliffskat 09/16/2014

I think I would feel the same as you do - I would rather know the truth about whether he was the father. If the child is his child, as painful as it all is, at some point your daughter has the right to know if she has a half-brother or half-sister out there in the world. If this other woman's child is related, at some point in the future your daughter should be told the truth, and you can't know that unless the test happens.

My guess is that the other woman is hoping to get part of your fiance's Social Security for her child. That is a possibility. She sounds like a real piece of work with the morals of a cat and even less sense. But that's just my take on it - I am old-fashioned about some things!

You have a right to be angry. His family has a right to be angry. But anger has nothing to do with the truth. If the baby is his, that child has a right to know who his real father was. If that baby is his, your daughter has a right to know. To me, the considerations for the children would have to take precedence over the feelings of the adults involved - as hard, brutal, and terrible as those feelings are right now.

Just my two cents, for whatever they are worth... I am so sorry you have this extra burden on you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

honey94 09/16/2014

Thanks so much. We are all on the same page wanting to know just to have proof and not just word of mouth. His mom says she'll do it only if I say I want it done. I want it done because he was out of work to keep our child and he didn't work long enough for ANYBODY to get SSI. So what she is doing is purely to get at me because I was his number 1 and they all wanted my spot.

handg 09/16/2014

I am so sorry that you are going through this ...Bottom line is that if indeed she is pregnant, the child is caught in the middle ...Good of you to want to know .

onebrokenheart 09/17/2014

I am so sorry to hear of the additional stress on top of your grief. Shortly after my husband died a woman hinted pretty clearly that she had had a relationship with him. I was so angry. I wondered why she thought it was ok to tell me that. Bottom line, after many months of agonizing over whether it was true or not, I had to let it go. I forced myself to focus on what I knew to be true, the love he and I had shared. I decided I would not let other peoples cruel and careless remarks cloud my beautiful memories of my beloved husband. Its been 19 months since he died and I have more peace now but I still struggle everyday with the loneliness and the emptiness.

honey94 09/17/2014

Thank you all. You are all right I am trying to convince the his mom to offer her a test because I would rather know. I have half brothers and sisters some I knew about and some I didn't. My bro I grew up with and if my mom and his mom had any issues we knew nothing of it which is how I would want it to be. No she can never have my child alone she will only attend things if his family is going to be there. I have let the entire situation go. I am going to keep the memories we have and I don't want my daughter memories tainted and I will see to that! But the sad part is, if it is his while she is trying to be funny her son will never know his dad and she can never say he loved him or anything because he didn't know and they can't make any memories together.

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