Do what feels right. Don't feel guilty about "living", just make sure your seeking someone for all the right reasons. It's normal and healthy to want human touch, talk, and understanding. Your husband would want you living, loving, and smiling. Enjoy life, because in a blink of an eye, one day could be our last. big hugs and blessings, carla

I know it's by no means a substitute but I have two very large dogs and a little kitty that are my constant companions. I do not know what I would do without them. We had no children and they were and are our kids.
I have stated before I don't mind being alone in fact I prefer it, what is hard is the loneliness I feel for her. I physically ache sometimes for her touch and presence.
i do have great support from family and friends but I find myself making excuses not to join them when invited to go out. I am venturing out more and more but find once out eventually the anxiety starts to set in and I need to bail.
I am hopeful for all here that we will at least find our new normal and make a meaningful life for ourselves after our tragic losses.
Take care and peace to you. ~Pete

Just wanted to let you know that I am also really lonely. I have some freinds but not alot and most of them live 40-60 minutes away. I do have 2 dogs and 2 cats and they do help a bit. But of course they can't replace the human companionship. Also alot of the friends have their families or own things. Another thing is I don't want to go out with,anybody and be a bummer with my grieving. Just sitting here watching tv and longing to hold my wife s hand as we used to all the time. Guess I need a cuddle buddy but it is way to soon for me. A couple weekends ago I forced myself to shower, dress and go to a local restaurant that we used to go to together and sat at the bar and ate my dinner, I was able to talk to another guy and a couple that was sitting there and the bartender. It turned out better than I thought it would.

Garry, you are perfect in how you feel. Just take your time, and don't ever forget you now, have friends here who care. For almost one month, didn't care how I looked, etc.. I'm now getting back where I use to feel before sean passed away. I liked looking good for; "me" it made me feel good, and its also a plus to smell good too, lol. I've gotten back into exercising,, when sean was alive, and now I find I want to look nice, and feel good, not for anyone else, but for me. big hugs carla

Carla: Thank you for your thoughts. I know you're right, it's just hard to figure out how to best serve my needs. And I'm glad you're feeling better. I went through something similar too with my dressing choices. Now I'm starting to enjoy dressing up again.

Pete: I did inherit my husband's cat, although our relationship has been tenuous at best (she tried to get rid of me for the first three months I was living together.) And I know exactly what you mean about that physical ache. I've felt it for almost as long as my husband's been gone. It's nothing sexual, it's just missing your best friend, someone who's presence felt so good and natural to be in.

Garry: I totally understand. People have their own lives and I'm sure you don't always want to bother them either. Good for you for taking a chance to go out and I'm glad it worked out for you.

its only been a little over 3 months for me. Right now I'm taking every invite I get from friends. Saturday is a holiday party and yes I plan to go. Got to get out of the house. I also have a girlfriend that meets me 3-4 times a week to walk her dog. We meet at a local park so we each drive there ourselves. You'd be surprised how much that helps me. I also am finding comfort at a church I started going to. I've been to the Church 4 weeks in a roll and plan on continuing. It still gets lonely and sad. I think the sad out ways lonely. Oh yeah one more thing I'm doing is watching all the Christmas Halmark movies. Hugs - Arlene

If not for our dogs, I would not have made it through the first months. Thank God I am a dog loving person. I was stuck home with leg fracture starting at the 2 month mark, for 3 months. never been in such a horribly dark, sad, desperate place in my life. sometimes the total immersion in reality of him not being here was mental/emotional torture and I wondered about making it through just the next Hours.
Having my pups to touch, console me, discipline about leaving my kleenex alone -yes, one became fixated on wet kleenex, I think it was an attempt to lighten things up when I cried- probably saved me.
The downside is, I can't Undo the spoiling. but you know what..who cares?!
I am sorry to say, most people tend to stir my missing him, more than their company relieves it.
I make myself go to church. have good friends there. but old friends also make me miss him, and I often cry by the time I'm leaving.
Something new will Have To develop for me in this life, because he left far too much empty space. I am so lost, and no one can make up for it.
I started wondering if an aching heart could literally make me die.
Didn't happen. dammit.
I might need counseling. (ya think?) man, going to that every week sounds so depressing & extremely anxiety-provoking.
Plus the options are way limited here. I need somebody Real, not all hoity-toity & full of BS.
Our loneliness, IMO is more than loneliness. It is full-fledged 180% GRIEF.
Loneliness, I can handle. This shit is nuclear, Weapons-Grade, annihilate the whole F-ing population for hundreds of miles around.
Scary thing is, I do know the Lord. I have a relationship.
I have begged Him for what I need.
*This* walk-by-faith while blind deal is the hardest thing I have ever known. and I have had some tough, soul-killing evil crap hit my life.
It was baby pablum compared to this.

I apologize if this is too hard. it's where I've been at. can't tone things down today. behaving badly.

LOL, sorry to have laughed, you have every right to be down right pissed, it's normal, heck I sometimes wonder, what did I do so wrong? It's always better to get it out rather than keeping it in, kind a like a fart, would hate to explode if you didnt let that fart out, lmbo. I can't imagine what it was like to have to heal from your leg, and having to grieve... big hugs my dear, and blessings, carla

The physical and emotional longing for my Johnny and loneliness in our empty apartment is like a locked ball and chain on my body. I can't run away from it as I have tried. Going on the SunLink train all over town, going to the bookstore, library, dumb senior center, grocery store, even my dumb idea of escaping to an adobe hut in Mexico. All no good to try and do things or run from it, it will always be there. It will never go away. I have no fairy tales to tell here, no stories of hope for the future, no faith in God or prayers, just hard ass reality. And frankly, I'm really tired of reading of all the "future hope of happiness" stories here.

One of the women at my senior center lost her husband 2 years ago and the only thing she does to comfort herself is to go and be with him and sit for hours at his graveside in the cemetery. Is that moving forward? So I see no fairy tale hopes for this. So for now I have no sugar-candied philosophy of how to get out of this game.

I lost my husband a little over a year ago. I live with my two daughters right now so I am not alone, but I still feel very lonely. I work part-time, 3 days a week and I do volunteer work on my days off. Even though I am lonely, I prefer to be by myself most of the time. I have always been kind of a loner that way, not comfortable around a lot of people.

I go to the casino with friends from work just to get out of the house. But mostly I am in my room reading, listening to music, playing Bingo online, or watching shows on Netflix and Hulu. Basically, anything I can think of to take my mind off of the fact my husband is gone forever.

In the beginning, I would feel restless a lot. So I would get in the car and just start driving to visit all the places and do all the things Bryan and I had planned to do together. It helped me to feel closer to him that way. I think what I miss most is the little things,, like sitting on the couch watching our favorite tv shows, or driving somewhere in the car with his hand resting on my knee. I really really miss that little bit of contact from him. But at the same time I don't want that from anyone else.

Anyway, just keeping busy so I'm not constantly thinking about the loneliness helps me. But it is a daily effort and struggle to go on with my life alone. But I know Bryan would want me to not be a hermit and to be happy and do things. So I keep trying.

Yep :-) 2 yrs on. Just finished legal s***

I dont have the answer but reading your post it does help to know your not the only one. I think someone who "gets it" is important. It takes as long as it takes and your right its not just a spouse but a best friend.

i guess just keep putting yourself in positions to meet new people. I wish you well

I have read all your posts and in summary, we all miss our loved ones. I don't know how to get past that either.

My days are filled with an exercise club, church volunteering, women's bible study, my son visiting me every other weekend (I live on a lake about an hour north of him), so many friends I have lost count but I remain LONELY.

My days are filled and I feel filled, but my evenings and weekends are lonely and often sad. A friend who was recently divorced said "this is a couples' world" as she told me about the new guy she met and moved in with.

She is right- I miss Al's companionship, doing things together - whether it is a road trip, gardening or even watching TV together.

Does time heal? I don't know. I do know that I reflect back on my mother-in-law who lost her husband young and now appreciate how she felt, her loneliness and why she called us every day. I always told Al my wish was that we would die together in a car accident; that I didn't want to be left behind.

I will definitely say you should accept all invitations no matter how you feel. In my personal opinion staying at home makes it worse. It been about 3 months since my husband passed away. Two weeks ago, I sprained my ankle and barely able to walk which means staying at home and it made me feel horrible. Before my sprain ankle, I was working out and going out with close friends to lunch or breakfast in the weekend. After my sprain, I focus on things I could do such as celebrating my 30th birthday. I wasn't planning to celebrate my birthday but family and close friends insisted on a dinner celebration. One of the biggest things that helped me not feel alone is stay in touch with close friends and family.