I lost my husband 13 months ago, and am doing better than I thought I would; but, of course, I miss him terribly. Like the rest of you I am now in complete charge of the finances (on 3/7 of the income), household, car, etc. In a support group I belong to we laugh about how people will ask us, How are you doing? when what we really want them to say is What is it like for you? That question shows an openness to hear what is going on in my life instead of directing me to the response they want: Im doing OK.

I want to tell them to imagine losing their arm. You have to go on with just one arm-there is no other choice. People will feel bad for you at first, but then they expect you to get on with your life-and do it stoically. As you adjust to living with one arm, people will tell you how strong you are, and assume/expect you have gotten used to the new situation. But they dont think about the fact that just because you have learned how to do things with one arm, that life is much harder than living with two arms. They dont think about the fact that every morning you look ahead to the struggles of your day and living without your arm; that you wish you still had your arm and didnt have to make these adjustments to your life. Some may suggest you get a prosthesis. And maybe you do! But while the new arm looks more normal than having no arm, and it may work wonderfully for a prosthesis-its not better than your old arm. And youre always a little sad that you lost your arm. And you wish you still had your arm.

I want to tell them I know of people who have suffered worse tragedies than mine--so I feel a little guilty "whining" about my troubles. I know my situation is not the worst in the world, but it doesn't mean its easy to "lose my arm."

Thanks for letting me vent.