I'm at about 8 1/2 months since my husband of almost 38 years passed. I've been told the first year is the hardest, because it is literally a year of firsts. Christmas is a tough one. I know what you mean about not wanting to let family and friends down. Have you decided not to celebrate this year? I think if we can go with the flow a little bit it might be okay. That's not to say that you should do something you really don't want to do. I am not giving or getting presents this year. But I would consider a juicy turkey dinner at a friend's place. As long as it's not on Christmas day. Hope things work out for you. Hugs.

My children and grandchildren are feeling the loss also. They want us all to be together for the holidays. An we are. I am doing Thanksgiving here, Grandkids coming from out of state. They feel closest to him here with me. After we say the blessing, I am going to light a candle in memory of him. And we are gong to get thro it together. Then my grandson from out of state is going to stay with me the rest of the week. I think they are worried about me.

Christmas Eve we are going to have at my sons house. Then I m going the night with him. We are going to get through this "together".

Last Christmas was my first one without my husband. I put up a tree in honor of him with his work badge just beneath the angel topper. Christmas dinner was at my daughter's house. I brought his urn to the dinner. I will do the same this year. He would never miss Christmas. He would always come home for Christmas even when he lived away from home on work assignments.

Last Thanksgiving and Christmas was my first holidays without Richard. Was not at home for Thanksgiving Day, but we all got together the next day. For Christmas, because I have two teens still home, I did put up a tree. I took a picture and framed it and put it in my tree. Christmas was his favorite time of year, and doing that gave me some peace. All you can do is what you feel is best for you. Remember one moment at a time.

This will be me and my sons first holidays without my wife, last year at the beginning of November we found out my wife developed Leukemia from prior Breast Cancer Treatment ( she had Stage 4 Breast Cancer since 2008 ). Last year for Thanksgiving we went to Ryans and went and seen a movie, we had been going to the hospitol 12 days a month for the last 11 months, and we were worn down last year. Our son is 10 and he's in a football tournament over thanksgiving, so we probly wont do much. We allways used to get our tree the day after Thanksgiving, and will continue the same path this year, although it wont be the same

We've completed our year of firsts and it was hard, but I think the second year will be harder for me because more is expected. Last year, everyone expected me to be upset; for some reason, most people now expect me to have put it all behind me and move forward. Holiday dinners have been moved back to my house, etc. Sure, I could refuse, but is it really worth it to upset the rest of the family. Kids and grandkids want to move forward and will only worry if I don't, so I'll put on my happy face, probably enjoy the time spent together although we'll all feel it's not the same. My guess is that eventually one of the grandkids will say, as only a child can, how much they miss their Grandpa, and we'll all feel better for it.

My partner's first anniversary will be this Tuesday. I am spending the first Thanksgiving without her in 41 years by driving down to Florida alone for the winter. I specifically chose to leave on Thanksgiving because I don't want to celebrate with others; I know I will be a bummer to be around, so why bring them down with me?

As nutty as this sounds, I also want to spend the day alone in the car grieving my loss and thinking of her and feeling bad. My plan is to try to really start moving forward when I get to Florida. A year will be behind me, and I'm going to try to live life as she wants me to. I know those sneaky waves of emotions will still come occasionally, but Thanksgiving be a psychological day of trying to let go for me.

I'll let you know how all these great plans work out in a month or so...:)

A few weeks after Mike died I had a brand new baby and four other children. My dad came for Christmas and kicked me into gear as he put up a tree and cooked meals. Now three years later I still have trouble getting into the spirit of Christmas. I sit in church and cry because it will never be the same again. I am usually glad to see things over with.

Maggie

This is my first holiday season without my husband. He really got into the spirit, loved to cook the entire Thanksgiving dinner all by himself, starting with a good glass of red wine around noon. It was my job to get the house ready. This year dinner will be at my son's, as I dont have room for anyone to move around. I sold a home out of state that we had just purchased in March, and had all the furniture moved to my home here in Calif.
Thanksgiving day is also my birthday. I will probably be alone, since my daughter is working that day. Others around will be with their families, our dinner is going to be on Friday.
Christmas will be tough, as I will be seeing the SIL who has been very vindictive since her brother died. She and the brother do not want me to have my husband's share of a property they all own. So I need to gear up for that. I will have a Christmas brunch here at my house for my kids prior to heading to the BIL's house.
The BIL and SIL start drinking first thing in the morning, so they are feling no pain by the time we all get there around 3pm. I havent been drinking at all, since my husband died, it just adds to my anxiety. So my son and I have a pact, we are not drinking at all that day, so WE will be in our right minds that day. By the way, my son and I hardly drink at all anyway. So wish me luck!! Thank you for your thoughts! Patricia

This will be the "First" holiday since my husband passed away and I am celebrating at my daughter and son -in law's. Christmas also. For 29 years Christmas was celebrated at our home. He loved Christmas always decorating the tree and putting up decorations around the house. I would watch and helped if he needed it. So, to carry on what he loved, I am putting up a tree, not a real one which he loved and his favorite stocking with a smiley face that when you pushed the button on his tummy, he would laugh and the end say "Merry Christmas." He loved to push the button so I would make comments. My children, grandchildren and great grand children has great difficulty celebrating in our home as he passed away in our bed. It is hard for them also. I continue to be prayerful for all of us, that we will be strengthened on this journey.

Thank you for all your posts. Our family decided we would try something different this Thanksgiving since it will be a hard first. Our daughters, son in laws and grandchildren decided we should go to the Grand Canyon and ride the Polar Express and have Thanksgiving someplace different. Hugs.

It looks like I'm not the only one that will be having a first without my spouse. I'm not looking forward to the holidays but have been doing a pretty good job putting on a brave front for everyone. We are trying to do some things differently this year but I'm not sure how they will go yet.

Since Roby and I didn't have kids together and his kids all live in other towns and will be spending holidays with their mother and their husbands families I doubt I will ever have a house full like we use to.
Everything is kinda reverting back to like it was before I got married.
I know they are grieving and missing him too but I feel lost. Too many changes.
So I've decided no tree this year, just too hard.
Maybe next year things will be better.

this is my first year also and its so hard. I have no ambition to shop for gifts cook do anything. I am just doing the best I can so the grandkids have fun holidays but it just feels so empty. thank you everyone for the posts it feels better knowing I am not alone my family are supportive but they just don't know how it feels.