Sorry, I thought the same, but then realized. I want to live in a clean house, with no one messing it up. I can eat what I want now. But my thought is, no one ever comes here. When I am nervous, lonely, sad, my thing is, I clean, paint, etc. But then I just cry while doing it all. Will soon be 6 months.

I am at almost 7 months, and I (as many others here) know exactly how you feel. I think we have all been there. What you are experiencing are the results of physical and emotional stress. It's something that you will work your way through with time. One day you will wake up, and you WILL feel like you want to get back to doing those things. Just hang in there, and be a little kind to yourself.

I didn't know why when it happened for me at your stage, I was clipping right along then, Bam! pain, hurt and missing him so badly.
I learned that the fog that wraps us in a cocoon, was finally pealing away. Reality a light way to bright, it hurt. Take your time and cry those tears that held you up. Share, ven,t ask questions. The CL's have so much info and help. We are here for the same reasons.

So sorry for your loss.... I know and hear what your saying... wish I had some magic... but I don't! However if we take Baby Steps... sometimes that doesn't seem so tough! Blessings!

I find it hard to get motivation. With the house, being as he loved this place and put much heart and soul into it, I figure he would want me to take care of it. So I do; cleaned up junk, put in a rock walkway, flower bed and whatnot - anything to make me feel good. Gardening get's one in touch with the earth and that is always a grounding feeling for me. Cooking is easier in some respects; just having myself to consider - have just what I like (often it's just tough to even eat).

Hang in there. That's all we can do. I had to deal with some house emergencies early on which kept me engaged. I had to work, so no time to sit and reflect. I had my breakdowns, on in front of my boss. Couldn't stop it. My friends are great, it's just that I'm flaky so can't just tell them what I need. I do the chores because I like my stuff looking good and it gives me something to do. It doesn't take long, and besides what else is there to do?

I am over 1 year now, sitting in the bedroom looking at the big empty bed, not wanting to sleep. I seldom cook, just buy some fully cooked meals and prepare some veggies to share with my daughter who moved back home for several months until their new home is built. I am forced to do a lot of things around the house to maintain it so I can sell it next year maybe. I am so exhausted every weekend mowing lawn, helping with babysitting my 4 month grandson. Sometime I just lie on the lawn and said take me now. Here I am still, surviving.

sorry for your loss. It hurts so much in the early days, all you can do is take it one day at a time. sounds trite but that's what I found.

I am so sorry for your loss. You are so early in your journey. And you are not alone everyone of us has felt the way you do. But I promise you it does get better. Don't do anything right now if you really don't want to. For the first three months (9 months now) I went to work, came home, ate cereal and laid in bed every night and watched brainless tv. That's what worked for me. Eventually I started to get outside and breathe. Just be kind to yourself, take baby steps and come here, there is so much love and support and it will help you through. Sending you a warm hug for today.

Tomorrow it will be 21 weeks since my wife passed. There are many days I feel like just giving up, doing nothing. Keeping busy does help, but it is the coming down from being busy that really hurts, your mind can then focus on the past, present and future, which is a good thing in a way, but can also be very painful at the same time. Trying to find purpose, balance in this life is going to be difficult. I always keep in mind what I would want my wife to do if it were I that passed before her. We have to keep going, trying to live. I sometimes have to seek help from my doctor who doesn't sedate me from what I feel, but gives me meds that help with my anxiety, so when it gets extreme I can take something to help me through that really terrible bad time(s). I take anything very rarely for anxiety, sometimes we just have to face things with eyes wide open.

I made a routine I follow each day for cleaning the house and so on. I find it helps, otherwise I would do nothing, but everyday there is something to do. I also recently started to exercise, not at a gym, at home, that helps too, helps the mind focus elsewhere.

I hope you are starting to feel better. Back in my counseling days, one of the saying that was popular was "act as if" or "fake it until you make it". I thought about that saying a few days ago when I didn't want to do anything and considered what it could do to help ease this pain. Clean a little, walk outside, pull some weeds, look in the fridge, go to the store. All of us have days we done want to get out of bed, but, I think we can, even if its blindly. An object in motion tends to stay I motion. Maybe doing some of the things we know we should want to do will help us actually. And if not, then, at least it's done. I could be wrong, but it's a thought.

Hang in there. I am at 47 days and it hurts every second. I am 32 and was only married for 5 years. What I wish the most, you had it. More time with my husband, more memories.. You have so many of them and nobody can take those away. Not that it hurts any less, but just take one day at a time and take your time to heal.
I also dont clean or cook ever since he left me.. it just makes zero sense. Be strong. Take your time... all the time you need. Focus on the good memories.

Sorry for your loss. As everyone has said, what you are feeling now is normal and you need to be gentle to yourself. Sometimes just knowing that what I am feeling at a particular time is normal is a comfort. This is a very hard journey - when you come here you have the comfort and support of us alI. It will get better.. -Deb

Thank you all for your kind replies. It does help to know that are other people going through the same thing. Kaye

Ramble away, many of us here do it. If it makes you feel better, it is good.

Grieving is exhausting. I only found out about this a couple of weeks after my husband died, before that, when he was for a short time in hospital and some time after his death, I was running on adrenalin and I not noticed how tired I really was. Grieving does away with your energy. Just do what you can, be good to yourself and take your time.

I am truly sorry for your loss but I am pleased you found this site. It will help you.

All my best wishes. Viviane