My husband passed on 11th June I am still so very angry He had been fighting A.M.L for more than 4 years and he was still fighting to stay up until his last breath .His dear sister is the only griever in her own eyes .I have always tried to be strong and supportive to our kids and extended families but am now floundering.Trying very hard not to create rifts within the family.I believe that we have to take a step back and try to concentrate on our own well being,and healing,because we won't be any good to anyone if we fall.

grief hits us all differently... my mother and sister in law are grieving heavily , it makes me realize how much they loved my wife - which is great. i dont think they realize i am not only missing our life together and great memories we shared, but have lost entire future and dreams that now have no meaning.they mean well - just dont understand our grief. thats my take on it anyway .... hugs

All of you are right in your posts. This is one of the hardest struggles we can ever live through. I, too, lost my husband. We were married 40 years and dated five years previously. It doesn't matter how long we have them, losing them is horrible. I am so very sorry for your loss.

It is a day at a time and sometimes moment by moment. At times just to breath was an effort. We share our pain, and it helps. In time we also share good times and days we actually laughed. Just having each other and the understanding is a lifeline to most of us.

There is no competition in grief here. All suffer, but for some like me, we manage to build a new life around the loss. That is the hope and keeps us pushing forward a step (baby step) at a time. I just passed the sixth Anniversary of my high school sweetheart's death from lung cancer. I am here with so many others to encourage and support you. Sharon

I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately she will not fully understand until she goes thru it herself. I know that when my Father died I didn'tfelthat my Mother was sad enough. Now, from this perspective I see what a stupid childish responce it was and how unfair I was to her. But this is 15 years later and unfortunately my Mother died less than 6 months later so I never had a chance to tel her.
I hope you find some peace tonight.

I am sorry that not only do you have to deal with the breaking of your heart but also family drama. I know their heart is broken too but they will never understand that with a spouse it is so much more. Take care of yourself first. This is a great place to talk. We all understand. Brenda

I am sorry for your loss. June 23rd marks 60 days since I lost my husband. I went though something similar the only difference is it was my father in laws wife that felt her pain should be the center of attention. Matter of fact she blamed me for his death. So in order for me to grief without any drama I cut them off. I know you can't cut your daughter off, but your grieveing should always come first. Everyone at one time or another has been were you are. Stay strong and take each day as it comes and breathe. Take care of yourself first.

I am sorry for your loss and that you are having the additional strain of your daughter's difficulties. Your profile says that your daughter the RN was working at the hospital where your husband was treated, and that she was involved in getting him diagnosed, etc. Perhaps I am wrong, but it sounds to me like she may have an extra difficulty because she was so involved with his care and treatment - she may be suffering badly from guilt because she couldn't save him. And because she works where all of that occurred, she is confronted with that on every working day.

I am not saying it makes it right or whatever, but I wanted to point that out before you become more angry with her as it will do neither of you any good, especially at a time when you both need each other to get through this.

My husband was a heart attack death, but my father and both of Cliff's parents were cancer deaths. The dynamics that come into play when that happens are hard to get through. Cliff and I both suffered wondering if we had done all that we could have and should have for our parents. His mother and I were extremely close, but he became angry when I grieved for her - as though I didn't have a right to grieve as much as he did. It made me hide a lot of my grief, and that put a strain on our relationship. When my own father died after I had been involved on a daily basis with his care and treatment, I grieved differently from my mother and from my 5 siblings. One of my brothers was angry at me for Daddy's death, too.

When my father died, I was pregnant with my first child. I lost a different set of future plans that involved my father. My Dad would never see the grandchild he had wanted so much grow up. My kids would never know him except through stories and photos. Were my plans more important than my Mom's? Absolutely not, but I still grieved that loss, too.

Your whole family has been hurt through this loss. It's important that you each get support. I would suggest that counseling would be helpful for both of you, and hospice may be able to help you with that. Please be gentle and forgiving with each other if you can.

I am sorry for the pain you have been through and are going through now. I hope that being here in this group helps you as it helped me.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

my children, daughter especially, says they are grieving. And don't associate with me. Now, these children (adults), maybe came by for an hour one a month or every 2 months, they all live within 15 miles from me. While my husband was bedridden, then said they felt obligated to. But since he has been gone, I have seen 2 of the kids twice, the daughter I don't hear from, one son may call on his way home about every week or 1 1/2 weeks.
it feels like they have just washed their hands of me.

Tuesday would have been his birthday, then July 3rd, our anniversary. I begged them, that it will be so hard for me to do this alone. Then they ignore me, won't return my calls. When I ask why, daughter states, We are grieving too mom....???

Thank you all for your posts. Martha I have thought about the fact that my daughter being an RN and working for the hospital that my husband passed away at has been very hard on her. We are all in grief counseling and have always had a close family so I'm praying we will get through.

Thank you all it helps so much to know I'm not alone.....

Hugs,
Kaye

Family issues sure don't make things any easier. This is a guilt and blame ridden society; someone is always blaming somebody, or someone feels guilt for whatever reason. I can't comment on anybody else's family situation but I know loved ones dying and the resulting gathering of family/friends can present some awkward situations. There's a lot of dynamics going on. The closer one is (family or very close friend), those folks have the capacity to either make it supportive and loving or even more awkward and negative. It has to do with how well or not they're handling their own grief. Whatever the circumstances I try not to blame. Goodnight all, God bless.

Really sorry, i lost my baby sister at age of 28. Last July. One month later my wife lost her sister. Just not sure how to cope with losing two of the few closest people. My heart ache every day. I also had a drug addiction with prescribed medication "10/325 MG NORCO". I'M doing my best not to relapse but things are starting to get really rough around the holidays! Thank you all for opening up and sharing your experiences with us. God bless and have a great night!

Family issues are tough and I am sorry you are having to go through that. I am hoping for you that time will heal your relationship with your daughter. I am also dealing with family stuff which is so hard when you are grieving your husband. His siblings think their grief is far worse because they have known him their whole life. We were together 8 years married 2 of those years so to them I am now the "new" wife. He has two older adult children and the relationship wasnt there yet so it is not now at all and its so sad. It has floored me on how people grieve and react when someone passes away. I am mourning the love of my life, half my heart, our future, and our love. He was and is my person. Family dynamics are tough sometimes. Seems to be a common thing, not needed and too hard at a time like this. Keeping you all on this post in my thoughts.