I am so very sorry for your loss. I seen in your profile that you thought you maybe to early to be here. I don't think that it is ever too early. This is the hardest thing that you have ever been thru and it doesn't have anything to do with being strong. It does get better. I am a little over 6 months since I lost my husband to lung cancer...and I don't cry as much and I am sleeping better. But I don't know where I would have been without the people that I have met thru here. The understanding and compassion are unbelievable. Family and friends want to be there for you but no one knows what it is like to lose your other half. The person that you had spent your life looking for and had so many plans for the future with. We expect our parents to die, we expect our children to grow and leave the house....we never expect that we would lose our loves.
I hope you have a peaceful night
Cathy

I think you are stronger than you know Ray. I know you have lost your love very recently. I do not know when I began to focus but I am sure it was after 3 months, until then I was more robotic than anything else and watching our dog look for Donald was terrible. Being strong to make so many others comfortable was hard, i remember at work just going in the stall sobbing and then coming back out. I hardly ate, spoke or slept. racing thoughts all the time replaying all the what ifs, and may i say it was cancer, throat, that spread to larynx, esophagas...cancer, the most aweful word i know. Well, I am a year just about into this journey, I do focus more now. I read a book 'Happily Even after' did the hospice grief counseling and yet the comfort is in knowing others understand. So I offer you understanding.
Also prayers, I can concentrate to pray for you and all of us tonight.

Just know we are all here for you and understand. It is early in your grief and it takes time. I am six months and still once in a while think he is still around for one reason or another and that he will just be in the next room When I realize it is so hard to realize because the pain is nothing I have ever experienced except for the loss of my son two years ago. I never thought I could go on at all after losing my son but somehow I still cry and hurt but I make it through the days a lot easier. I know in time it will get easier for us about the loss of our spouses. Never out of our hearts or mind but easier just the same. blessings and hugs to you.

Ray,
I lost my wife to cancer 7 months ago today. Your are now going through the worst thing that could happen to any of us. Everything you are feeling and thinking are normal, even if it sees so abnormal to you. The pain is so bad that you think you will die, but it will not kill you, just make you suffer. Among the bad things is that your memories of your wife will cause you pain. This is wrong! Thinking of her should make you smile but each memory is a knife in the heart. You turn to tell her something or pick up the phone and there is the knife in the heart again. It takes a long time for that pain to go away. I wish I had the words to make it stop but I do not, no one does. The constant stabbing pain in my heart went away eventually. It reappears on its own schedule. This pain is the price of love. Half of you is gone and it hurts like hell.
Talk about her here. Get it all out. This is the time to shed tears for your most precious wife. The pain of loss is poison. Its bad effects can only leave your body through tears. Please take care of yourself.
I hope you find some times of peace tonight,
tom

Thanks For All Of TheKind Words,Prayers,Blessings And Hugs. All Of You Have Made My Evening Better And More Peaceful. Ray

Ray, I'm so sorry for your recent loss. We all understand the way you feel because we've felt the same way. Have you tried writing in a journal? It helps to pour your heart out and get your feelings out by writing it down. I look back at my journal 9 mos. ago and can see how desperate, scared and alone I was, I miss my husband every day but I feel I can cope a little easier now. It's a long and hard process but knowing we are not alone and have support from the good people on this site gives us hope that in time we can survive.

Peace and blessings,
Christine

It gets better it takes time, try to focis on the good memories of her put your load on a higher power . It makes all the difference.

So sorry for your loss. It will take time to adjust. It's something that knocks us back and makes us question our very reason for being. Be assured that you will survive. We know how you feel. Some of us are feeling the same as you right now, and some of us know the relief that the passage of time provides. We have to go through the depths of despair and sadness before we come into the place of acceptance. When I first heard that I had to work to get to acceptance, I fought it like the devil. It was like "giving in". I realize now that it is the only course of action we have is to eventually accept the reality. It's so painful. I have spent many, many nights in misery as I held on for a better day. I understand your pain and offer my deepest sympathy, but I want to offer hope, too, as life will not always be as painful as it is now. (((HUGS))) to you!

Hi Ray,

I lost my husband just two weeks ago and I am feeling the same things. I still think he is going to walk through the door. I don't know how it can get better. I do know I have friends that lost spouses and they still seem to live. I guess I am just holding on to that. My husband and I were married for over 30 years too, and dated and lived together before that. In my saner moments I guess this was always the plan...till death do us part. I just didn't know it would come like this. He was just 61, like you I wanted a few more years. Please hang on, people tell me it does get better.

Ray, My journey of grief started five years ago. I fought accepting the loss also. I wanted nothing but my husband back. I believed my life had ended on that June evening in 2007.

It didn't end. I just had a different life and one I didn't want. I looked for him sitting in his chair, coming in the door, and next to me in our bed. It is a normal thing to do. You will make it through the pain and we are here because we walk where you are walking. Sharon

Thanks To All Of You For Making Me Feel Like I'am No Different Than Others And That All Of Us Are Going Through The Same Things But Just At Different Stages. Today Has Been A Real Bad Day For Me. I Will Pray That All Of You Have A Better Day. Thanks Ray

Ray, I think u are far stronger than u realize. Yr dear wife died after a long illness - a long series of ups and downs, i'm sure. Like a nightmare roller coaster at the end... perhaps relief for her that she no longer suffered when she passed but with the recognition that now a new level of suffering for you had just begun. My husband was ill for a very long time as well. He suffered terribly and I was helpless to stop it. I read an article re caregivers recently that said "both of you had the diagnosis" and it really hit home. My heart dropped with every bad lab result, every new issue that arose, every negative physician, every new painful treatment, every bit of anxiety or sadness or despair I saw in his face. You lived that also. The pain of that is indescribable. So many times I would have given anything to take his place and I'm sure you felt the same. The power and depth of that love propelled you every day. You are strong because living thru that takes guts and committment I'm sure you never knew you had. I sure didn't. For me, this part takes a different kind of strength but I know, if I could get thru that in one piece, I can get thru anything. My heart is with you you, as is everyone's here. You'l find more support here than you ever imagined was out there. Thank you so much for your post.