I'm so sorry for your loss...I'm at exactly 7 months...my husband passed away March 19 of this year from complications of ESLD...and I although I have been devastated every day since, I fear that the full reality of what has happened hasn't hit me full force yet..to make matters worse, I have a 19 year old son who is autistic, and I have no idea if he understands what happened to his dad or not..
You have come to a good place here...everyone understands what it is to lose the love of your life, and there are a lot of caring people here who have been through it and have a lot of good advice to offer...

I lost my husband of 23 years very suddenly in June. I have done the same as you. I have a 14 year old son, our lives revolved around him. I recently returned to work, and now I am questioning everything. I wish you well.

I lost my Danny on May 17th, of a brain hemorrhage. I am so sorry for your loss. This really is a good place to be. I find just reading posts helps, and when you feel all alone and you express your thoughts and feelings you realize you are not alone. I really hope you find comfort here

Yes friends, we all find our selves going through the unimaginable and it absolutely sucks! Period! As we read each other's stories we find so much in common. We are all hurting, we are lonely, we are sad and we are scared. At least I am. One thing I have learned through losing my dear husband is we have so little control of anything in our lives. In the forty years he and I had together our wants and needs were constantly changing and we made the necessary adjustments. And now to continue to live and not just exist I am faced with making a future without him. Sucks, sucks and sucks! I don't know where to start either, but I am truly blessed to have kids, and grands that I wouldn't have without him. I have wonderful brothers and very true friends. None of them get what I am going through except my best friend since the age of 15. And I so hope none of them ever have to. But it is what it is. So damnit it's up to me to go on even though my heart is broken I will carry him within it for the rest of my life. I truly believe that love is eternal and he and I will be reunited once again. So my plan is to get through each day, moment by moment scraping my way back to who knows what? I will continue to cry, sob, weep for him, he deserves that much from me. Had we not loved each other so, this wouldn't be so hard. But this is the price we pay for unconditional love. And oh he was so worth it. I find inspiration coming here among all those who share this journey. Those that are further along give me hope that it will get better. And it breaks my heart reading of all those with more recent losses than I. If I could fast forward to a better time I certainly would, but I do feel like though we are suffering we must go on. He did not want to leave anymore than I wanted him to. So yes, I will continue hoping the memories bring more smiles than tears at some point and thanking him for giving himself to me and only me. And I find I am searching for a simpler life and I want to take the time to enjoy the little things again that we miss because we are rushing through life. There is beauty all around us and I want to soak up everything and continue to live for both he and I. No idea what will be, but I will do my best to honor him and keep him safely tucked in my heart until we meet again. Hang in there all of you, we are in this together and here to support each other one moment, day,week, year at a time. Hugs and Love to all, Michele

Welcome. I think you've done great with having a daughter to nurture. I can tell you that I did the best I knew to do with dealing with my feelings early on (actually, the feelings dealt with me and overwhelmed me), and I honestly don't think that lessened my pain now. When I read your words, "lonely sad existence" it struck a cord with me. That pretty much sums of my life right now. But for a really good friend and my son and his family, I would have to term my life right now miserable. I do think I'm through the constant grief, but it is this loneliness that I am struggling with. I was just so happy, and I want that back so badly. I had a good life, and now I just exist. I had purpose, and now I just get through the day. I don't want to live this way, but it doesn't matter what I do or what I try, I'm stuck in this until it is ready to leave me. I can't make it go away. So I've gotten to the point of just letting the grief do what it wants to do with me - and I take my little moments of joy as I can get them. Oh, I don't think I'll ever stop missing my dearest Juanita. But I hope to God that I will someday start living again. So, sounds to me like you're moving along no better and no worse than the rest of us here. I liked it when I read once, There are no best widow awards. God bless you ~ Scott

You do not sound awful and pathetic. We have all experienced this awful pain in one degree or another. My beautiful wife died suddenly on Feb 13th and I've been struggling with the excruciating pain of the loneliness. Not that I mind being alone it's just the pain of being lonely for her. We did not have children so I stew in my misery alone, just me and my animals. But I imagine having kids adds a different dynamic as you have to deal with their suffering as well. There is no schedule for dealing with your feelings. The stages of grief will come and go in unpredictable waves and it is never too late to face your feelings. Hang in there and know you are not alone in this awful journey. Take care. ~Pete

Hello,
In a week it will be just three months, and it's been a very tough road, I've made it so far through God's grace, the love of my family and groups like this because they know how you feel here. There was a post that described it beautifully it talked it being a wave and it comes at you in ebbs and flows with the intensity of each varying. This weekend was really hard, but each day begins anew.

You only sound as awful and pathetic as I DO, also.
I think the shock has it's own power over us at first. So even though we do grieve at first, shock is buffering us from the depth of sorrow which hits in later months.
Don't scold yourself. we don't have a choice over all the Timing.
Grief has a life of it's own.
I am being overpowered by grief now- less than 7 months.
Hugs to you.

First and foremost, cut yourself some major slack! You have survived these last few months and that in and of itself is a victory. I lost my fiance suddenly on June 24th and have been seeing a therapist who tells me to take a least 1 minute every day to acknowledge what I've been through. It is a small task but really makes an impact. Think about what you've been through and truly be proud of yourself for simply surviving. By just getting on this site and sharing your story you have already taken a big step in moving forward (never moving on, but moving forward). Pulling away is pretty normal in my opinion, in the beginning I couldn't stand to be alone for even a minute but at almost 4 months, I now find the most peace in quiet moments alone. I also think pulling away is natural as your family and friends are probably going back to their lives and that can be so isolating. You can have a great support system, doctors/therapists, support groups but ultimately the sad truth is this awful grieving journey is lonely and painful. I don't mean to sound depressing I just think hearing that someone feels the same can be quite comforting. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter. Keep coming back here!

Hello,
In a week it will be just three months, and it's been a very tough road, I've made it so far through God's grace, the love of my family and groups like this because they know how you feel here. There was a post that described it beautifully it talked it being a wave and it comes at you in ebbs and flows with the intensity of each varying. This weekend was really hard, but each day begins anew.

I'm sorry for your loss. Welcome to our group and I'm certain it will help to talk to others who understand. This is the most awful journey any of us can find ourselves on. I think pushing the pain down the road is what everyone does, not consciously, I think the shock is just too great at first. Isolation too is very common, all very similar. You're here reaching out and that is good.
Hugs,
Jean

Thanks for all of your kind words and encouragement. Today is exactly 6 months and my daughter and I were really struggling this morning. We took the day off from work and school and just remembered the good times. It was so nice spending the day with her and no interruptions. We both miss Tommy so much but we are taking it one day at a time. I am so thankful to have found this group and hear others stories who know what I'm going through. God bless all of you!