Okay, it is not just me. The second year seems so much tougher in many respects. Here is my hope: now that the numbness is gone, and the pain has set in, that the next phase is peace of mind, body, and soul.

Let's all look for the beauty of the season!

Kate I know what you mean. My Suzanne died July 31st so this is my first Christmas. She always made Christmas, well, Christmas. I've been wanting to go to sleep and just wake up some time in January.

I'm going to stay over at my dad's on Christmas eve because I can't wake up in this house alone on Christmas day.

But we need to look forward and I wish you peace and love during the holidays and thereafter.

Jerry

Your not alone in how you feel, Tracey passed 25th October 2013 and that first Christmas, although tough, was a numb affair. Ive found that since the fog has lifted and the numbness has gone, this whole experience is still painful. The month so far has been full of reminders of times past and the pain of what has been lost is all so clear. I just wish there was somewhere in the world we could run away from all the reminders. So, 2015 is a new year, lets hope indeed that we find some peace and happiness. Big hugs to you. John

This my first Christmas without Susie. She loved Christmas so much, and she made it good. I wish I appreciated her more when she was here. I'm pretty numb this year, and it scares me to think about next year. I'm glad I have DS to help me.

It is going to difficult for sure but as many have said we must have hope that the new year will bring some peace, and we will continue to heal. We are all survivors of the worst kind of pain and we will make it! Wish we could all hold hands and console one another this holiday season.

I just lost my husband 8 weeks ago so I feel like I'm still in a fog. I'm doing everything I can to surround myself with those people who helped me through the last 10 months. I'm not in the Christmas spirit and like many others I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in January. I have an 11 & 15 year old so I have to continue for them. The tree has been put up but there still aren't ornaments on it. I finally had to tell my mom (she's staying with us) that someone else would have to put the ornaments on the tree I just can't do it.

Happy Holidays and may each of you find the strength you need to make it through this one.

The Holiday season brings an acute awareness of our loss and the first year the goal is getting through the time. Don't pressure or criticize your lack of enthusiasm, it's normal.

As hard as every day and every step is know that it is a step to the future. Sharon

This will be my first Christmas without my Catie. There is no joy for me this year. Nothing is the same anymore. I try to walk with my head held high but inside I am crushed. This new life is so hard without my best friend and soul mate.

I admire everyone's strength and honesty. I'm not even sure how I feel about Christmas this year. My husband passed away October 29 and I am barely able to believe it. It's scary to think that if this numbness and confusion wears off, then I'll feel even worse in the future. But I do believe that because I'm still alive, I need to try to feel some joy in that, and try to feel something of the spirit of Christmas as I always did in the past. Each year when I take the ornaments out of their wrappers I think about what I was doing last year. This year when I took them out, I was very very sad because I know my life is changed forever compared to last year. But we hung them up, and a dear friend had a custom made ornament made for me with my husband's name that says "in our hearts forever" and putting it on the tree was painful but helped me feel that I'm not forgetting my husband by decorating our tree.

This is my first Christmas without my husband.
Nothing is the same.

This is my second Christmas without Sam. He passed away on Sept. 8 of 2013. I remember nothing of last Thanksgiving or Christmas. I know I cooked food and wrapped gifts, but I remember none of it. This year is, in a way, more profoundly painful because I'm no longer in that numb state that I was in last year. I feel Sam's absence so deeply now. Some folks here on DS mentioned that the 2nd year can be worse than the 1st, and I have to say that I agree with them now. Nonetheless, I do believe that peace will come. It may not be tomorrow, but it will come.

Wishing everyone the blessings of the season . . .
Bandi

The good news . . . we only have seven more days tll Christmas past in 2014. We've made it thus far, and I have faith we'll make it another week. Day by day . . .

We're on the count-down now . . . and Winter Solstice has arrived. The days will gradually get longer and brighter after today. Darkness comes before the light . . . we are in the throes of the deepest of Winter darkness, but this is the time we are about to be re-born in the Spring. The grass grows green by itself, and so shall we.

Hang in there my friend. xo, Dayna

Last year was almost a full year since having lost my husband and in anticipation of a hard day, DD and I in lieu of doing Christmas here or at someone`s house , opted to go to a women`s shelter and help out for the day. It was the right thing for us to do and our family understood . This year I find it just as hard because the first year you are in a fog , the second year you are aware.

This second year is hard for me too. I think I have come out of the fog and finally realized it is for real and he is never coming back.

my husband died 3-13-13. last year was the first without him. I too was numb and in auto- pilot, I think. don't remember much!! did what I I always did. this year the pain is incredible. I feel again. and oh ouch. I have done all the stuff but the memories flow. I want it all back the way it was. I see him, I see what he would say and do, I see us doing what we did together, I see us with our family, oh it hurts. I . he loved Christmas and I want to feel that way again!! am sure it gets better!!! merry Christmas to all and hope you find the peace we all deserve. gayle