I don't think you are crazy. And it is ok to be scared. You can do all of this. I believe in you.

I am so sorry for your loss. We start over the same way we started life....baby steps.

I am sorry you needed to join us, but this is a great place to vent and get advise. As for the job, would your last company rehire you (provided you wanted to go back)?

We are stronger than we realize. Yes, it is scary to have to move forward without our mate, but I have been quite amazed at what I can do simply because I have no choice.

One day at a time. Come visit often to vent, to cry, to share.

Mary

5 months for me and I feel a lot the same. I got a book that was recommended Reflections of a Grieving Spouse, is helping me. Areas to write down your feelings, I think it helps. Rough journey for sure, God bless us all.

you are right on schedule with your grieving. I got offered a job about that time. I just couldn't do it. Try getting a Security job.. usually you are alone, I did that 7 months after. Was nights. Easier on your nerves, if you burst out and cry, no one is around. And when got home and showered, slept good. It got me out of my slump.

I was a Security Guard for a Museum. I enjoyed it. But my car and weather got to me. So I took the winter off, waiting to be assigned somewhere else... or maybe not...maybe I will just stay retired...lol

I'm very sorry for your loss and that you had to join us on this journey. Your not crazy, this is all part of the grieving process. At four months your still numb and in shock with your loss. Try to take care of yourself, and drink plenty of water. As Mimi1979 notes its all about baby steps and making it a day at a time. As you can see from my other post, even at 13 months I still have my grief spurts. Come here often to vent, ask questions, whatever as we get it.
God Bless,
Russ

Thank you all for your comments. They have helped me a lot. Its comforting to know there are others who feel the same as me, as sad as that sounds. But it is nice to me able to vent to people who are going through the same process of grief.

At 4 months you are in the toughest and rawest part of the grief process emotionally. What you are experiencing is totally normal even though you dont feel normal. The best advice a grief counselor gave me is dont think about the future because that is overwhelming.
Just focus on each day as it comes and gradually a new life will emerge. I truly am sorry for your loss. Gerald

I am so sorry for your loss. You are at one of the biggest wave too. There is so much w lose when we lose our spouse. I can understand that fear. Depending on how you quit maybe approach your old employer, part time to start to get your feet back? Or similar work?
But right now, both your brain and heart are synching on the loss, the lifting of the fog, that's why it hurts so much. No way to deny the reality anymore.

Gentle Hugs
Jewells

I'm so sorry for your loss. As others have said, baby steps, take it moment by moment. You are stronger than you think, it just is a very difficult journey. Blessings, Doreen

I am going on 6 months.....I feel the same way you do.....my emotions are all over the place......I cry a lot......have widows fog..........I am lost but I am looking for happier days........33 years is what we had for that I am grateful.........your not losing your mind......you are grieving.....no going around it...have to go thru the middle......Peace. Colleen

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm in the same boat as you. It's been 3 months for me. I "retired" 4 yrs ago because Honey said I could. I was bored to tears after 25 yrs at the same job and he could handle the bills himself. So here I am...no money no honey as we used to say.
I'm hoping I can make it til June with the money I have and then it's gonna be time to get serious. I just hope I'm ready . I too worry about crying during a job interview.
With the help of the sweet loving people on here I think we'll both be ok.
Hugs and love,
Nancy

I recently hired a woman that is 55. I hired her based on her track record and not her age. I was looking for experience. Take time to review your resume and make changes that would give you that edge on others. Good luck.

Maggie

We had also decided that I could stay home more with my bad back, being bored I did go to work part-time as a lunch monitor. That is not enough to see me through for the long run as I have a big mortgage to pay off as well and trying everything to stay put for the next few years at least so that if I do sell I will enough of the mortgage paid off to make it worth it. I am currently undertaking steps to do a 2 year apprentice program to become a teacher`s assistant. This will start in September and I will still get paid for my part-time hours while the others will be unpaid hours. I will tighten my belt and figure out a way. The needs for teachers assistant in the French schools means I will be able to become financially stable in a few years . Scary for someone who has never gone to college and currently has a daughter in University but at least I will never again think what if.

I am 54 and need a job too. I am so scared. I had worked for years at the same company and I never had to do a resume. My brother tells me that paper resumes are out and you do it online. I am so far behind in the latest technology that I feel like that will hurt my chances. Four years ago my husband and I were given the opportunity to move across country to the old family farm. My husbands pension was enough to sustain us so he begged me to quit my job and basically retire to the country and spend quality time with him. I am of two minds about this...first I am glad for the time we had together. When I worked I was away from home at least 10 hours a day. So moving to the farm really gave us a chance to know each other even better. The other side of the coin is negative...I am left with no income, live in a rural area many miles from cities big enough for job opportunities. I have had to cash out my retirement savings and it is almost gone. I thought Don had taken out a life insurance policy but he did not and I am angry he didn't and I am angry I did not follow up and make sure that he did.
I don't know what I am going to do and being scared on top of grieving is horrible.

You're right. It feels like it's getting worse instead of better. I know there are people out there trying to support me but still feel like I'm all alone. Had to force myself to eat today and it feels like a full time job to not cry each day. My dog, surprisingly, is so supportive although he's missing out on everything I usually do for him.

The one thing that keeps me going is working. Before my husband got sick I decided to start my own business and fortunately have a good client with another small to keep bills going. I honestly think getting anything right now will help you. You'll be surprised how you can hold back the tears for the moment at least till you get in the car.

I'm around the same age and I'm not going to tell you it's not scary. It is. Every day. I believe in signs and yesterday was so hard with all the tears and was talking to my husband about what I'm supposed to do. I went to the store quick and when I got there a song I had never heard on the radio get repeating "I want you to be brave". Wasn't our type music but if he were to get something through to me it would be music.
Soo... I guess it's back to one day at a time and try to be brave even tho it's really really hard,
Saw this site a couple of times before and it only made me cry more. Then for some reason saw your post and joined.
I hope it gets easier for you.