Allie, grief is exhaustible hard work. It takes every bit of strength for some just to get out of bed and face the world.
Just know everyone here knows it's ok for you to be not ok and we get it.
I posted earlier that I put on a strong and tough face but it is just a facade and behind that face is a broken man just trying to survive this.
Hang in there and we are with you.
~Pete

I have been more exhausted lately, also. I decided it was the holidays. Trying to deal with family, shopping and the things that used to be our life this time of year. It is hard when no one can really understand that you're feeling. I started turning down invitations to events and have stopped explaining why to people. I have also been trying to work in a few extra naps. Hugs and get some rest. Jo

Yeah, Me too

Allie
It's okay to not be okay. 18 weeks today for me, and Oh how I miss him, like you there's a lot of fake smiles, but every now and then a real one shines through, mostly at the good times that we all shared. If a tear shows up once in a while from someone it's okay. I'm just so thankful that I got to love and be loved by such a wonderful man, and he left me so many wonderful memories.
This place is a safe place cause everyone "gets" it here. hugs to you

I don't even try to hide it anymore.....I am just sad and lonely.

Allie: People; I believe have just such a hard time with how to approach or address us, or just say the most horrific things, thinking they are helping. I just tell people I'm ok, not good all the time, but still have bad days too. It's got to be so hard for you to put on that "I'm ok front", we here at ds, understand, and have or are going through some of the same things. Our daughter is very quiet with her grief, she grieves when she finds it helps her, so just because your not a wollowing baby all the time, doesn't mean your not destroyed, or grieving just as hard as someone who is more vocal with their grief. Keep on, keeping on, do your own way, and don't worry about what others think or say. Your just perfect how and the way you are feeling. big hugs carla

The stress of loss is exhausting. Added to that keeping up with daily activities while trying to focus and appear pleasant made me want to scream. On your off time concentrate on you and be selfish. Take a nap. Just look at a computer message or relax. You deserve it. Sharon

Yes you are kind of expected to say you are ok, aren't you? I recently made the mistake of answering one of those how ARE you's with saying that I was struggling. I learned quickly that THAT is the wrong answer! I sometimes think that people are disturbed by looking at their own future reality. CS Lewis (Narnia guy) wrote a short book called "A Grief Observed" which in part addresses these feelings. I read it the second week after my beloved died. Thinking about rereading it for new perspective.

Allie - you must be following me around because what you describes sums up my daily life. I have started being somewhat honest. When someone asks if I'm OK, I often say, "No, but I'm trying." I don't know if I'll ever be OK again. I don't think my heart will ever completely heal. But I don't want to serve cheese and whine at my pity party, so, like you, I put on the game face and give it my best shot. I am blessed with friends with whom I can be completely and brutally honest. Oh, how it helps to dissolve into a blubbering, sobbing mess with them. It feels good to be so very honest on occasion.
So I am telling you, from my own unwanted experience, that it is OK to not be OK. Be kind to YOU.

I was looking online the other day for something to help bolster me as I, too, was just soooo tired. And a large piece of the exhaustion was from all the pretending I felt I had to do. Then I saw a piece about the difference between grieving and mourning. It said grieving involves all that is going on on the inside...what we feel...what we think. Mourning involves the actions we take to bring whatever is inside out, so speaking about our loved one, allowing thoughts in our heads to be spoken outloud, being ok with allowing some tears to fall. I lost my love 20 months ago and only now am I ready to do what I need to do to begin healing and I honestly do this for me, regardless of the comfort levels of those around me. The article said active mourning is vital to healing. I know this - carrying it all around inside for so long, ever vigilant to keep the pretend going WORE ME OUT. Now I've lessened the vice grip I had had on myself and it already feels less difficult.

I'm really Bad at pretending, for others' sakes. so that solves some problems. someone asks me How are you? and I start crying.
Don't ask if you don't want to know the true answer.
TBH, some people want to give advice which will cure us. I have straight out told some- that isn't gonna work. I am grieving and it will take a Long time.
One person has avoided me since I didn't show up a couple days later to "come and volunteer work at the soup kitchen. you know, doing something for somebody else will always make you feel better."
I actually agree, that general idea is true. but seriously, I was crying and sobbing in deep grief... I was in a severely raw patch of road. that is not solved without going through a big process of steps and Time.
Eh, I try to let more things roll off my back now. Can't afford to use up precious energy to cope with opinions which were not born from actual Life experience.

Hi Allie, my condolences to you. I do know the tired you're feeling as i,am experiencing the same and I can relate to pretending to be ok i usually can hold off breaking into tears until i am in the car except once in,awhile I have some quiet tears at my,desk. I am exhausted all of the time from not sleeping well and stress and grief. I hope you are sleeping ok. Take care of your self and don't worry about what others think.
Garry

This path of grief we are all on is the most exhausting thing I have ever done. That being said, I have finally decided, 4 months after the end of my happy ever after world, I will not allow anyone...ANYONE... to bully me. No one is going to get by with telling me..."You just have to get out more." or "You have to get on with your life." or "I'm not going to let you just sit at home alone." I have declared my independence. No one can bully with their ideas, words or attitudes with out my permission and I an not giving that permission to anyone. I am now solely in charge of my life, good or bad, and I decide what I am ready or willing to do or feel. Some of my family and friends have recently met with this new found independence and we're a little stunned. But they won't be trying to foist off ttheir uninformed ideas about widowhood to me real soon. Lol. I had forgotten the feisty redhead I always have been. Kind of nice to see that part of me peek out again.

We all have our work to do. Thank you all for being here. It is so comforting to have a group of friends who get it. Hugs to all of you.