Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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nicholasm 08/12/2015

Hello my name is Nicholas.
I lost my wife on July 20th,2015. She was thirty four we had began dating at the age of fifteen but were only married almost six years, we married the thirteenth anniversary of first meeting neither of us were in a big rush. We had bought a house and were planning a family when she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. At first we were told it was stage 2 and survivable. It was rough, i took care of everything when she couldn't, but i wouldn't have it any other way. Our sex life disappeared but i just wanted her to be OK. After more than a year of treatments, while in the hospital, her doctor told her it was stage 4 and would be terminal after an eighteen day stay she was released, nine days later she called me home from work saying she need me to take care of her. OK no problem see you soon i told her, fifteen minutes later i was home and she was gone. I freaked out naturally called 911 did CPR paramedics came and restarted her heart got her breathing but i knew it had been to long, and she was indeed brain dead. She had told me she would rather not be on machines in this situation, but that i could do what i need to get through. so i let loved ones say good bye and that was it. Her heart didn't stop again till July 21st but she was gone to me already. I now feel lost and desperate for affection and comfort but only her comfort will do. My friends try but......

lmj90 08/12/2015

I am sorry for your loss, I am glad you found DS as it has helped me a lot. The journey is many many things most of all its hard. The loneliness and dispair is unbearable sometimes. I lost my husband 10 months ago and it feels like yesterday. For me things have not gotten better but I move along as best I can for my kids. I met my husband in High School and we had 26 years together and that isn't nearly enough. The only advice I can give you is be true to yourself. Meaning, If you feel like crying, then cry, if you are sad and mad then be sad and mad, no one can tell you when or what is right listen to your heart and your feelings one day at a time. give yourself permission to be and feel what you need to in order to get through the day. Sending Thoughts and prayers your way

Lisastp 08/12/2015

I am so sorry to hear about your wife. It is such a tragedy and everyone on this site knows how you feel and what you are going through. Try to be very kind to yourself and to remember to breathe deeply and reach out to people who can listen and help (both in real life and here).

It is so sad that you and your wife had hopes that she would be getting better and then that wasn't true. I would urge you to consider the grief support groups at Samaritan Hospice or other organizations. They give you an outlet where you are not alone. They specialize in helping you know all your feelings are normal in grief. It definitely helped me and gave me a way to talk about what I felt without burdening family and friends who really want to help but don't really understand at all.

shaneslove 08/12/2015

I am so sorry for your loss, Nicholas. This is a very rough journey that we here on this site have found ourselves on, but many of us have found that it helps, when going through the waves of emotions that are thrown upon us, to have others who have been, and are going through, those same feelings. Hugs to you, Amy

Nicker07 08/12/2015

Like others here your loss is very sad. I am glad you found this site.
Most find when others have gone on with their lives, its hard for them to relate to our sorrow its just the way life is.

To be so hopeful than for cancer to spread so fast its tragic. In this grief process take care of yourself, do not feel anything you feel is wrong, and grief has no time limit. When you need to talk this is the sight for all who have been here and have come truly understand the loss of that one so special.

Take care

loveddogs 08/12/2015

I am so very sorry for your loss. How tragic to think things were going to be ok and then. My husband passed not four months ago and this sight has been so helpful to me. Don't know what I would do without it. Everyone gets what you are going through and it is a tough journey. But those further along are here to guide us. Such a blessing. Hugs to you, Michele

deleted_user 08/12/2015

Nicholas, you are not alone in suffering the loss of your mate. We all share that loss with you.

The why's and how's are not for us to figure out.....it's not our plan it's bigger than us.

What you had was real, she existed, your love for each other was precious. Cherish those memories and live in the grace of that love. But don't forget to take care; eat, sleep and be grateful for the time you did have.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

Warmly,
Roz

staygolden3 08/12/2015

My heart breaks for you Nicholas. I'm fairly new to this as well and it is the hardest thing U will ever do. Not everyone around u will understand ur feelings esp down the road when they think you should be getting over this. Come here when in need of any expressions you need to get out. People here are wonderful and so understanding. For everything u are going to be going through...someone here has already been there and survived it. We all feel for you.
Peace to you
Darcie

lonely60 08/12/2015

Nicholas right now you are probably experience every moment is unbearable and you don't know how you are going to get through the next moment never mind through the day. this journey you are on is your journey and no one can predict how long it will take for you to start to feel even a little bit better. this is a feeling that you have not experienced losing a spouse can they even imagine the pain you are going through. this site will be a good place for you to talk about your wife, your life and your pain and that will help ease some of your grief. Remember it is ok to cry, yell or any other emotion you experience. Peace

mrcliny 08/12/2015

Nicholas, how close to home your story in some ways mirrors mine. Six years married but many years together ( ours 18 ). A cancer as the cause, the end to a sex life, the hospital stay and the end that came too fast even the dates were close ( July17th ). The biggest difference is you are young, while I am old (69 ), but we both have to find a way to move forward. The pain and loneliness we feel knows not our years. Just know there are others on the same path with you.

nicholasm 08/13/2015

I know that i will be OK, my wife wanted my to be happy so it will happen..... eventually. Thank you for your kind words and support

JesusisOurSaviour 08/14/2015

Dear Niicholas,
Your story just reaches my heart. I am so very sorry.
It's good you are reaching out to us all here, we care how you feel.
We are all in different stage but we are grieving. Keep reaching out.
It really helps.
Hug......Sandra

Rainbow27 08/14/2015

Nicholas, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious wife. Cancer has taken so many of our spouses who post on this board. I am glad you found this forum to share and find some comfort. Much peace to you.

rosie3435 08/15/2015

Hugs to you and welcome we are all here for you...

stvncoulteryahoocom 08/15/2015

Hello Nicholas, im so sorry for this tremendous loss. My heart goes out to you. I lost my life partner to cancer in 2009, I know the loss and devastation. So sorry.

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