Wow !!! where has that time gone.. It was a bad day yesterday.. I finally went into Ken's room and stripped his bed.. I found this so hard.. I sat on the couch holding his blankets and comforter to my face crying so hard.. I knew when I put it in the washer I was washing away his scent and the last blankets in our home that were wrapped around him..They gave him no comfort he was in so much pain and I could feel that pain as I held them close.. I did get them in the washer and dryer and cried as I folded them up just as hard.. The didn't smell of him but of Fleecy.. Today I have the clothes I found in his room he had worn I know they have to be washed but this is so hard..
My weekends are always the hardest as those were the two days we spent all day and evening together..I miss his whistling in the kitchen as he would be baking for the family, or trying out some new recipe for supper.. I've visually impaired and Ken did all the baking and cooking.. Thank heavens for fast frozen meals I can nuke.. I do make pots of soup that he used to love to eat..
I feel like everytime my kids call I'm crying and I'm apologizing to them.. They both say it's okay let it out.. My daughter has been so good but she has a job and young family she has to look after plus now helping me with everything.. I can't drive anymore so she now has to do it all.. My son is a long haul trucker who calls me most days two or three times to check up on me and say good night.. I feel bad crying on the phone to him.. I don't like it I try to be strong I don't want him upset with all the miles he has to drive..
I miss the saying good night which I still do habit of 38 years but not hearing it back and the hug is so hard.. Bad place today..