That is a scary thought -- as times goes on do our memories recede so much that we can't recall our wonderful spouses? I'm hoping that if I pay attention, each day a memory will be triggered, and also, if I'm thinking of my darling and am with others, I speak about him whenever I think of him, in that way keeping the memories fresh and alive. I also try to write down vivid memories when they occur to me, so that I can look back at what I wrote in case I start to forget specific events, places, words, actions, and so on. My husband loved telling stories of what happened, what funny things we did, etc., so now, by telling his stories I feel like I'm keeping those memories alive and actually giving them renewed existence. If it's in your heart, tell someone, and then they'll remember it too.

It has been 13 months for me and I was very worried about this early on so I wrote down lots of memories, particularly small things. I rarely look at it but having it gives me a sense of security.

However, as time passes I'm actually recalling more and the memories that are triggered bring comfort and a smile rather than the raw pain of loss far more often. This has been a big and very welcome surprise and the triggers can be very varied - places, things people say, times of year, the radio or TV, the way someone is standing or what they are wearing, a particular event or phrase, even sounds or smells.

My husband is mentioned in conversations with family and friends and that brings the gift of others' memories which can also trigger further thoughts and recollections. I recently went through a time of birthdays and anniversaries and this brought many memories.

I really do understand your fear as it was mine too. And I was especially worried as my memory is notoriously bad (ironically I relied on my husband for the details).

I hope that you find, as I did, that your husband and your memories are safely kept and emerge often and unexpectedly, bringing you comfort and, sometimes, a secret smile.

Hugs, Sandy

Perso,
I assure you ... you will not forget.

Perso.....the week after my husband died in January, I could not remember the sound of his voice.....that nearly destroyed me, not hear Ben's voice in my head......

In time I could hear his voice, remember his touch and his smell. Subtle memories of nearly 40 years of marriage I will never forget.

Perso, I am so sorry for your loss. It has only been a month since losing my dear sweet husband, and I can very much relate to the fears you are having about your memories. Right now, the memories closest to me are from my husband's painful but short struggle before he passed, and that is heartbreaking to me. I want to remember all of the good and happy times we shared and pray they will all come back to me. They are coming back slowly now as I look through our photos and things. I think maybe we need to understand that our early grief just gets in the way. Time will hopefully get us to where we need to be. I am writing to my husband on a daily basis and reliving our happy memories. It helps. Keep the faith and hang in there. Hugs to you, Kathy

That saying that time heals may have some truth to it , one thing seems to be common with grief is that as time happens so do the memories...I find that now that fog of the first year has lifted , the essence of who he was and the memories are sharper and much alive.

I feel bad for you. Your loss is a shock, You are reeling. The people here at DS say that time will help. I believe them. We DS folks are here for you. Chris

You will never forget him!!! It was one year for me on May 19th that my darling Art passed away. Those first few months were so dark and painful. Art passed away from cancer and to watch how this horrible disease took him were the only memories I was remembering. However, I now remember the good times. It is true that time heals!! As Sandy said, the triggers bring back wonderful memories. Every day I think of Art! You are still fresh on this grieving journey. Try to not let fear take over. Take it one day at a time. You will remember him for the rest of your life. Hugs. Sue

You will never forget him, in fact, the memories will increase and eventually you will smile and be grateful for them. Now is the time for crying and sadness. A time to take care of you and know that the love you shared continues even with him not next to you physically. It's hard to find a way to get through this nightmare. I know because I've been there. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort and understanding here with us. Sharon

Thank you all for such positive responses. I will re-read these posts each time I feel anxious. Every day is a different emotion, a different problem and everyday is the reality that I need to make all the decisions on my own. I appreciate each and every entry and I thank you all so very much for taking the time to listen. Perso.