So sorry, it happens to me too. In fact, yesterday afternoon, I don't know what triggered it, I think it was a tv commercial. I'm trying to be stronger today, 3 mos and 10 days out. I feel like you, so alone! Ive been told that it will get better, and I hope so. Hugs...Barb

I'm just guessing that the answer would be much the same for you as it is me....You've been doing positive things to make adjustment (changes) and it seems those are directly followed by down days either out of some undeserved guilt or fear of losing memories, closeness with your spouse because of those changes. Struggling to keep ourselves alive on one hand and struggling to keep him or her alive on the other.

Our precious men died on the same day. I don't know why but you weren't alone in your tears. I cried for hours last night, for no apparent reason. I knew the wolf was in the corner all day but I was trying to keep him away and then I thought I just might as well embrace my grief and let it rip. So then I went through pictures of the last year of his life, I hope not to do that too often. I want to move on to but it's hard with the wolf in the corner.

It seems that a lot of us have a step back on the fourth or fifth month and seem to be grieving all over again.

I dont think I will ever stop grieving over my husband....its been 18 months....been crying again for the last couple weeks...missing my beautiful husband....have things I have to deal with...but I have to go through it... Debbie

@msholiday - I think one step forward two steps back
but than two step forward one step back, for some reason today has been a back day - I am tired of the snow/ice/
BUT mostly of the unknown still scared
What happen to your husband, mine died unexpectedly of a major heart attack while in another state.


@Debbie - after 18 months still stuff to deal with in being a widow, I hope it gets resolved to your benefit, and it gets over with. I guess when you are alone I think there will be different stuff and now that we are alone in dealing with its not fun, having that extra person at your side stuff to deal with was easier.

He woke up one night and said his neck was swollen and he thought he had mumps. It was the begining of our nightmare. He had a rare very aggressive Non Hodgekins Lymphomia. He went on six months of chemo and died in four months. He suffered terribly. The Doctors prolonged death not life.
I remember reading about your darlings passing when you first joined. Our lives certainly changed. I'm not scared but I might be soon as I'm putting my house for sale and hope to move closer to my brother to help with the care of our Mom who is 85 and has kidney cancer.

today is the 5th month anniversary for me. I have dealt pretty well today and for that I thank God and my Dr. She gave me a mild generic version of prozac. I argued with her that I didn't need anything, as I don't want to depend on a med. She insisted give it a couple of months until I could really deal with his death. I have been on for 2 months and find I am calmer and less prone to anxiety attacks. I still am so lonely and so miss having him here with me. I long for his touch and his voice, but at least I don't spend my life in tears. Maybe a converstion with your Dr would help you. I keep remembering that " If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it", It has become my mantra Hugs Phyl

I'm so sorry you had a tough day. -Shelli

Thank you all

What do you do when those days hit? Do you just go ahead cry and let it out, I did I am not sure anything else I did mattered anyway. BUT I just hate it.

I'm so sorry for you. Today is 5 mos 5 days for me. I still cry to much it seems but after I do I feel a little better. I'm lucky that my friends do not expect me to move on to fast, I don't think I could anyway. We lived in Baja for 20 yrs next month I have to go back and put the house up for sale. This will be hard times without him there. I am blessed to have a wonderful daughter and son-in-law that I live with now. I lost my son of 44yrs last April 4 months before my husband. My son died a slow death and painful death with colon cancer. In a way we were glad God finally took him from his pain . I had seen an Angel in the clouds the day before he died with her arms stretched out in front of her. I knew then it would be soon. My husband was sick for 3 wks in the hospital , all the time not able to be awake , then he passed. My daughter and I both feel so empty inside. I know someday it will hurt less but for now we just have talks of good thoughts and know they are now without pain. I pray one day we all can feel less pain. Don't be hard on yourself, crying is God's way of healing us too I think. May you have better days. Hugs Nolo