Baby steps towards a new life. the alcohol is no help, if it were, I would buy a bottle store! You need to grieve and there is no shortcut, so go through the experience not around it. Your loved one was received with unconditional love and no judgement. NOTHING you did is responsible for what happened. On the soul's journey we all take our own path, some are fortunate to have companionship and love on the way.We grieve for that which we cannot change until we can accept that which we were powerless to alter. ((HUGS))

thankyou, i know what i have to do, just don't want to and without her i'm struggling to find a point to trying. but you are right, there are no shortcuts

I was retired when my husband committed suicide. I did have to deal with acquaintances, school personnel, family, friends and I started volunteer work. At first, I was teary eyed anytime, anywhere but it got better. Now, two years later, I rarely get teary eyed in public. People were sympathetic and I only had to deal with inappropriate comments a couple times which I don't feel were made to hurt me, they just did hurt.

Squeege

Sorry for your loss.

At less than a month, you should not expect to feel anything other than heartache, hopelessness and despair. But be assured that it does get better. It won't be easy, but it does get slowly better with time.

Although I seldom post on this website, on another widow/widower website I have posted several thousand times since becoming widowed 4 years ago. The following are excerpts from several of those posts written during my first year:

"I lost my wife 3 months ago. . . . now that she is gone, my life is pretty much empty. I appear to function, but it is without direction, meaning or purpose. . . . I am lost, as I wander around in a world that now belongs exclusively to others, but not me anymore."

"I haven't felt that sense of comfort and belonging in the more than 4 months that it has been for me. I now live in a cold, hostile, alien world."

"It's been about 4.5 months since I lost my beloved wife . . . It's a struggle to get through each day when, no matter where you go, you don't feel like you belong."

"It has been just over 8 months for me and I still don't allow myself to look for the light that I hope will eventually guide me out of this. For I know it will not yet be visible. So I wait and I hold on. But it isn't easy. Every day is a struggle to maintain my sanity, assuming I still have any left."

And all throughout my first year, I thought my life was pretty much over. Nine months after my wife's death I posted, "The truth is that I am not ok. Nor will I ever be again, now that I am without her."

But I was very wrong. Although it took more than a year to uncover, a new direction for my future finally revealed itself and I began to develop a new sense of purpose. And despite my disbelief of the possibility and unwavering insistence to the contrary for so long, I even found genuine love and happiness again.

So please hold onto hope. You are extremely early in your journey. You will not always feel as you do now.

--- WifeLess

Inspiring Wifeless.
At 20 months I still miss him, but know the show goes on, in college now.

Read your post. Barbara is right. Grieving the pain and loss is something that is simply going to happen. It really is the hardest work and the most painful thing you will probably ever have to go through.

Seeking a support group i your area for suicide survivors will help you address issues and find others who are facing similar losses in similar circumstances. I really encourage you to find one. Checking with your medical doctor, the hospital in your area and professional counselors would be good places to start looking.

After my husband died I saw a professional grief counselor for a year. It really did help me work through the grief, anger,, guilt and loss that I felt. I did a lot of reading to help me understand what I was experiencing. I reached out to friends and asked them for help. Now that was difficult. I still call them up if a grief attack starts.

I hope some of this info may be of help to you. Many wishes to you for recovery and peace.

thankyou all for taking time to offer your knowledge. it helps knowing i'm not the first to experience this god forsaken hell and that some people really do care

You are still in early days, still shock probably.
Just remember to take care of yourself, plenty of water and remember to eat.

If you havent already and having trouble sleeping or anxiety you might see your dictor for help. I needed help to sleep.

Come here often it helps

Diane