Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Anniversary

kelly1818
kelly1818
My fianc passed away 8 weeks ago. I am currently swinging back and forth between sadness and shock/disbelief. Today is our anniversary. I took the day off with plans to do some of the things that we enjoyed doing together and visiting his gravesite but now that the day is here, I just want to stay in my PJs and do nothing all day. I feel so guilty for doing this, like I am letting him down by not doing anything, but today feels so heavy for me that I feel like I just can't do life today. Anyone else struggle with these days and the guilt around them? Thanks for your support today.
letmehelpyou
letmehelpyou
Yes, the first year of losing my husband, my anniversary was actually one of my hardest days. I just cried. Don't push yourself, if you want to lay in bed in PJs do just that. He would understand, and we have all done it.
Hugs,
Val
dcheramie
dcheramie
I am so sorry for your loss.. Yes, I'd say its fair to say, we all suffer from these same type of days and feelings..my 25 wedding anniversary would have been next month...hard for me to believe as i type that now that i will not have her here to celebrate it with.

be gentle with yourself, you aren't letting anyone down
kelly1818
kelly1818
Thank you for your replies, I don't know why I just needed someone to give me permission to wallow in my pain today. I try to keep moving at some point every day but today has hit me like a ton of bricks and I just want to hunker down in my house and let the day pass. Tomorrow is new day.
staygolden3
staygolden3
Hunker away Kelly! Perfectly normal. I always make plans like you had in mind and then the day comes and reality sets in. Sleep, cry, remember and smile. He's always with you no matter what. Take care of you right now.
Love to you
Darcie
astro42
astro42
I think we can all relate to how you're feeling. My husband has been gone almost 10 months now. Our 27th wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks. I thought I would go for a drive in his honor that day. Many days I feel like I should do something. But then the sadness overwhelms me and robs me of all motivation. It's all part of the grieving process and totally understandable. It's okay to just sit around in your pj's sometimes and do nothing. I spend a lot of days that way since my husband passed.
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
I am so sorry. Its alright to hunker down into sadness over your loss. I am at 30 months now. There are days I do what you are doing. Trust me, it does get better... ((((hugs))) Sandee
kelly1818
kelly1818
I don't think I could have made it through the day so far without all of your support. To hear from people who just "get it" is so comforting. Someone told me that the anticipation of these landmark days can be worse than the actual day which is why today's pain has taken me a bit by surprise. It's funny how a single day can drag you so far down. Thank you all for your warm support today.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
You need to do what gets you through and if that's a day of pampering your self, give yourself permission to indulge. It's not a waste of a day, it gives you time to focus. Sharon
mrcliny
mrcliny
There are days I would not get up if it wasn't for the dogs needing to go out. At the other end there are nights I do not want to go sleep in a empty bed. Thank God for late night movies.