It creeped up on me this month. I was at the cemetery yesterday and we were having our weekly chat and catch up session. I was looking at my phone reading him the Game of Thrones episode 3 summary and I saw the date, there it was, tomorrow (today) would be 4 months. I'm trying to focus on how far I've come in that time, how now I can think of him and not immediately start crying, sometimes I even smile (I always smile at least on the inside when I think about him, even when I cry), but I also think of how empty I feel, how I want one last hug, another kiss another lifetime, our time had barely begun.

I've been wanting to plant a tree, but I've been having difficulty because I know this is a 5 year house, how can I plant him a tree and leave it there? I bought it right before I met Chad, and he agreed that 5 years is the perfect time for this one because it's too small for more than one child. His dad grew me a coconut palm from one he had planted from a coconut at their old house. He remembered Chad telling me that his dad grew trees from coconuts, and his dad said this solved my dilemma, while I cant take this palm with me, I can grow another from this tree, and take it with me always. So today, I'll try and pick a good spot for it when I get home so I can plant it this weekend. I'll let Chad lead me to a good name for it :)