On July 24th I hit the one year mark since losing John. I knew the day would be difficult so I had long since planned a vacation. my dad took me and my kids 3.5 hours away to Galveston. When went to the beach and bought 2 days passes to Moody Gardens where they have a water park, rainforest, aquarium, pirate exhibit, boat rides and more. I have to say this trip couldn't have been better. Some may think having fun on a day like that show callous but to me nothing helped me through such a difficult time as seeing the joy and awe on our sons faces. Our just about 3 year old had never seen the beach and loved it. He loved everything... we even went to the Rainforest Caf and he loved that too. Theres no better therapy than seeing your babies happy. I thought of john a lot and wished he was there...but was so thankful to our sons for getting me through those difficult few days.
I have had an internal rough few days..i read a book and it had some romance in it and I haven't been able to push the romance I had with John out of my mind...I miss him intensly...everything...even his annoying things I miss beyond words. I truly love that man...but striving to get through this difficulty and count the blessing he bestowed upon me...simply- Tyler and Jake. I have also been truly putting an effort into being happy for others. Like I have been bitter seeing fb pics of couples and of couples having their children together. but these ppl were happy for me and john when we posted our pics or announced news of our pregnancies ect, despite what was going on in their lives. so I am really trying. my brother and his fianc are expecting and instead of feeling bitter that I didn't have john with me when I gave birth to Jake I am trying to change my thinking and just be happy for them. Just because something awful happened to me, doesn't mean I cant rejoice in others happiness as they rejoiced in mine and Johns happiness. Rambling I know...but that's my update!