Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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shaneslove 08/19/2015

I am taking my mom to her doctor's appointment and then for lab work, and then I am taking time for myself. My daughter has plans for most of the day, so I will have some time to myself (I THINK). I am shutting off my phone and locking all of my doors...

I just do not want to experience people today... one of my "friends" is angry at me that I will not give her money. She wants me to fix her current crisis, and I am fed up with doing that. I have "fixed" things for her before, and all she does is make a bigger mess of her life. I love her, and I feel for her, but I am not a bottomless pit. When I help her, I take away from myself and my kids.

I would gladly take her mess if I could trade places with her... and have my husband walk through the door at the end of every day. I do not mean to sound crass... I know that everyone has problems, and to her, I am sure that hers seems far bigger than mine, but she could solve hers by reigning in her spending. I wish mine were such a simple fix.

Maybe I better lock myself away for a few weeks... I really do no like feeling like this about the world and people, but I just need a break from it all.

lmj90 08/19/2015

Its ok to feel this way. Being the "fixer" is hard, Especially when no one fixes you right?? I totally get it. Sometimes helping becomes hurting. It sounds like your friend needs to stand on her own two feet. I became bitter when I was the fixer. I felt like I deserved fixing too. Then again how could anyone fix my loss? They can't. I sometimes wish people could see into my life through my eyes just long enough to appreciate what they have and not waste a minute on trivial things.
Take the break you need!! Take a bunch of them if needed. What ever it takes to help yourself is what you need to do. Hugs

sandeestttn 08/19/2015

Sometimes you just have to back off from the takers. If you keep helping, she will never fix herself. You have more important people in your life to fix... mostly, yourself. If the "friend" doesn't realize that, she is really not a friend. Rewrite your friends list.... Sandee

joannklingaman 08/19/2015

I have said many times how blessed I have been, but I would give up everything I have to have my sweetheart back....

durbgirl 08/19/2015

I'm probably going to sound really harsh BUT what type of friend asks someone who is going through what you are and grieving for money - bloody cheek - I would tell her to take a hike and not come back!!

shaneslove 08/19/2015

I think I have hit another "overwhelmed" stage and am extra irritable lately... but I feel as though there are people in my life who look at this horrific loss as a way for them to benefit. It makes me sick, and angry. This is NOT a good thing that happened. I lost my world... and I would give everything I have to get him back. It probably is time to re-evaluate who I have in my life. Don't get me wrong, I have a couple of good friends who want nothing from me... but there are some who just need to go.
I am just having another rough patch I suppose... sorry if I am posting too many negative things, I truly do not mean to... just venting. Thanks all.

wendimac 08/19/2015

I agree with durbgirl...nobody should be asking you for anything right now...

rebl3157 08/19/2015

I've had to cut off the "helping hand" too. I have a van that I need to sell and I have had a couple of family members tell me theyd like to have it but they dont have any money. I know they think since I just got a new car I should give it away. And that would be great, if I didnt have a car payment. One I have paid out the wahzoo to fix things on my house, the other ask for silly crap and says "the kids need". You know we provided for our kids no matter what it took. These guys dont have a job and they are able bodied, taking government handouts and then look to me when they cant make it. Nope I put a stop to it! And I told them "not my circus, not my monkeys" Of course I don't get many visits anymore but I'm not paying for visits either.
So yeah turn off the phone and dont answer the door. Or just say no.
Rachel

JesusisOurSaviour 08/19/2015

Amy,
How dare she ask,you for anything...especially at this time !!
Some people have no scruples!!
You have every right to go to a quiet place, and deal with your emotions any way you want....finding the balance is always good.
Please don't feel bad about anything you say or feel...on this journey,
That's how we deal with it..
Love and hugs......Sandra
BTW our address book do change, I know that for sure.

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