Understandable. Follow your heart and I hope it leads you to a peaceful place where you can rest, reflect and gather some scattered energies. I will be thinking of you. Breathe . . xo, D

I understand that also. On July 3rd would have been our 50th. All my kids will be on vacation. Leaving me alone to deal with this one. I will not being going anywhere, as the holiday, We used to have a big family bash for the 4th, on the 3rd. both sides of family, friends. For the last few years we have not been able to, because of his illness. No one else picked it up either. So I am going to be stressed this year. Sandee

You do what you think may work for YOU. We really don't know what works....we're all just testing this grief thing out and trying to survive our new life.

I hope that you find some peace and that it's not too difficult for you.

Roz

Dreading my 18th wedding anniversary on July 12th. I am going to try and make plans with my girlfriends.

My husband died on Feb. 20 and our anniversary was on March 17. I was still quite numb and in shock. However, I put up a St. Patrick's Day green wreath and louse flag with a leprechaun...and I still haven't taken them down!
It's my way of remembering our anniversary. I don't care that people are thinking I must be odd for not changing it out for the current holidays. It's a little connection for me in our front yard...

Our anniversary is June 22. I am already dreading it. The artist who is etching Ed's headstone is trying to have it done and placed at the cemetery by then. I actually like the idea of just disappearing by myself for that day. As someone else said, follow your heart and do what gives you peace on a very difficult day.

The stone makers had his stone put on at what would have been our 48th anniversary.

my 32nd would have been this nov 18th. ive already taken the day off work, but am not sure what i will do with it. like you though, i know i dont want to spend it with anyone else

You should do what feels right for you. Our 14th wedding anniversary is on June 8th, the day our son leaves for camp. So I will go to work to pass the day. I don't want to be alone in the house that night, but don't want to be with people either. So I'm thinking of going to my wife's favorite place, the casino, where I can be alone in a crowd.

I understand. It was always a "personal" date, even if celebrated with others. Keep it personal.

Being Jewish, I get to have two death anniversaries: the Gregorian date, and the Hebrew yahrzeit, because the Hebrew calendar is lunar and the dates shift relative to the Gregorian calendar. There are apps and web sites that send you reminders so you don't have to calculate yourself.

When my wife died, and our daughter was already en route to the hospital for a routine visit, one of the first things I thought about was that our daughter will always know when her birthday comes, mom's death anniversary comes exactly 10 days later. But she's a strong smart young woman, I think she can handle it.

This year's Mother's Day was the first time I had no moms in my life. My mother also died last year. I lit a candle and some incense on my altar - with things from my mom and my wife on it, and thought about them. Our daughter is a runner, she ran several miles to the cemetery with a friend. Her friend lost her mom in her teens, and she's buried in Europe. I thought it was nice way to observe. Her friend insisted on bringing a bunch of flowers, and Susannah sent me a picture. I told her it was lovely.

kkg17 - we were always slow to take down holiday decorations. Go ahead and keep up the green as long as you want!

During the December holidaze, I read a good blog post by a community advisor therapist about strategies. She suggested that the family plan a specific time to reminisce about the lost loved one, so that it doesn't overwhelm the holiday, or dangle unspoken like a 600 pound gorilla. My daughter and I have implemented this on other holidays, like my birthday. It seems to help.

My anniversary is this Wednesday, 15yrs. I too decided it should be a day alone for me but I'm hoping I can make it a positive day of celebrating our love and marriage. I've taken the day off work, booked a massage, thinking of getting a pedicure and arranged to meet a friend for dinner. Things may go in a totally different direction and that's ok too. Will just see how I feel when I wake up. Hope you make it through yours okay. Thinking of you and sending you a big hug, Liz

Thank you all. I am leaving Saturday morning... I have decided the "where" part... But the only person I told was my attorney (because when I met with him to discuss other matters, I informed him of my plans to take off and he insisted that someone know where I was going). I won't even tell my kids or my best friend. Not sure why... I guess I just don't want them to be a part of that day at all. Not sure how long I will stay gone... most likely just a few days. I cannot bear the thought of people wishing me a "happy anniversary" without thinking before they speak. There is nothing happy about this anniversary, so I am going to try to get through it without being around anyone who might slip up and utter those words.

run and hide
hide and seek
brief, sweet, relief,
new cocoon
gone, too, soon

Hugs and prayers to you shaneslove. Four months after my husband died I went away for three weeks. The apartment I rented had a cozy sunroom that overlooked the street and a major bus stop. I would watch the commuters come and go, thinking about what their lives must be like, joys and sorrows. I could move about and be a nobody and that felt good, no one around to know my sorrow. And it's not an escape if they know where you are going. Safe journey.