Hey Jen, don't be too hard on yourself. You are both having a hard time. We grieve twice when we have kids - once for us and once for them it seems.

I would recommend that you talk with the guidance counselor at school, and see if he/she can provide some grief counseling or if the school psychologist could help out. My younger son was in high school when Cliff died, and that was how he got counseling, and it was for free, too. It also meant that he knew school was a place where he would find support and understanding. My sons are both autistic, so he was not your typical high schooler, and had a very hard time losing his Dad. The counseling at school made a huge difference.

I hope he is getting over the sinus infection, too. Lots of liquids, electrolytes, that sort of thing will help, especially if he is crying a lot, too, now. Dehydration is something to watch out for.

Love and Big Hugs to you both,
Martha

Please don't beat yourself up, our son was 8 when my wife passed, he's now 11. He says that he's never going to move out so I'll never have to be alone. We go to counseling, sometimes together, sometimes he goes alone. It was through doing this that I found out he has a big fear of me dying, and ptsd. I know it's difficult, raising a child, maintaining a house, and working while grieving all at the same time. I don't know if you are, but maybe set aside some time everyday to talk, or play a game, on the weekends see a movie, or go bowling. Have him help you make dinner, or clean the house, include him in on anything you think he can help with. I'm sorry, as always I wish I had more time to write, I have a second job on wednesday nights while my son goes to his church class.

I understand where you are coming from, just being wrapped up in grief, and then having to face the grief of a child. I have a 19 year old son who is autistic, and non-verbal. For a long time, he didn't seem to have much reaction. At the funeral when they put the lid down, and loaded the casket into the hearse, he didn't react. But lately, he has been going into the back bedroom where Tommy spent a lot of time in the last year, and comes out looking disappointed, and makes whimpering sounds. His negative behaviors have increased (self hitting, etc). My heart breaks for him, as yours does for your son. I really have no answer here...I guess the best we can do is reassure our kids that they are loved, and hope that time heals for them...as well as for us...
Take care, wendi

I'm so sorry Jen . . I don't have any words of wisdom that haven't already been posted. I just wanted to give you a hug and acknowledgment that I read your post and I do care. I'm so sorry for the little ones that have to suffer along with us. :( However, from what I know of children, they are amazingly resilient. I agree with "counseling" as a must if you can! It will do you both good in progressing toward acceptance and moving forward.

Thoughts and prayers are with you. xo, D

Jen, my kids were 10 and 12 when their dad died. My daughter was so afraid to lose me too, that she was stuck like Velcro to me a lot of the time. It didn't help that I had my own heart condition, for which I had surgery finally in May 2014.
My daughter slept with me for months, then transitioned to a cot in my room for months after that, because she was so scared to lose me.
I enlisted the help of the school, and enrolled both in a grief program run by our local palliative care organization.
I found maintaining routines and traditions really helped the kids, including having a birthday for dad. We also went through some of his things together too - the memories helped. Both kids have old shirts of his that they sleep in.
All these little things seemed to help, and their pain seems more manageable.

Thank you all so much for the advice. He has been seeing the counselor at school and is see a therapist outside of school as well. I do try to do a lot of stuff with him like games, etc but some days my energy is just not there. So for now I will just keep trudging through this and hope the pain will get better.
Hugs to all!

I am so sorry. My oldest grandson took my husbands death really hard. He asked for help. He went into a teen center for his mental health, he was there a week, he came out doing great after that. I think, with our pain, we overlook their pain. His father (our oldest son) is still in grief counseling. He has been in it a year. And moved in with me. He is 49. No matter what age. People deal with it all differently.
Bless you and him. Sandee

JenBird, even if you don't have the energy to play games with your son, it probably helps a lot if you're just in the same room, or within eyesight or hearing. My son is a teenager, but he's not very expressive, so it would be easy to forget that he's inwardly suffering. He's the type who would really rather not talk, but he still needs that human presence. I also wonder if there is some keepsake that he can take along to school that might help when he's not near you.