OMG! We have just had a synchronicty! Yippie!
I was just finishing up a PM about spouses greeting us in the afterlife, I'll PM it to you when I finish w/my reply ~

I'm coming up on a wedding anniversary ~
It still doesn't seem like Bob & I were together 28 years ~
I rarely if ever mention it b/c our cathexis-bond was more important than the years we were together ~
He died young, it's not like I killed him or anything ~ *wink*
I was w/him to the very end of his life; it's how it turned out for us ~
There's nothing you can do to change it, just be grateful you had 9 years together ~

I recall one visit to the cemetery when I was newly widowed a woman walked over to me to talk about her husband & 55 years of marriage ~
Everytime I tried to tell her how long Bob & I had been married, she rudely cut me off to repeat "we were married 55 years" ~
I finally asked how long ago her husband had passed away, she said 5 years ~
La cabrona dismissing me & behaving as if she were more entitled to grieve than I was ~
Too bad I didn't have anything to make a badge w/55 years on it just for her wear proudly ~ *wink*
Actually, I think this is the first time I've thought about it since it happened ~ *smile*

Anyway, looking at pictures of the two of us as young skinny hippie college students to pudgy middle aged/class ADULTS! LOL!
WTF happened to us!?! Too funny!
I have many special memories, but the day to day of 28 years I don't really remember ~
I didn't keep a diary nor did Bob so it's all memory except of course when someone reminds me of a time we were all together that I had forgotten about ~
It might be scarey for you right now thinking you might forget things about your husband, I can tell you the special moments are not forgotten ~
I'll PM you now ~
Take care ~

*PS - Back in 2008 I met a woman whose husband was killed on their honeymoon ... *

I do believe 100% that our spouses will be there to meet us when we pass.

July 3rd was my 48th anniversary. First time in 49 years we weren't together.

The length of time doesn't matter. Husband and wife. I often wonder if a person has buried a spouse a few times. Like my husbands aunt. Will they all go get her?... or just one?...No wonder when she died she had altimeters. She was confused. She was 97 too. Maybe the wrong one came to get her?...

When my Dad died, he was married twice, both were gone. But he said his parents were sitting right there on the couch, and wouldn't say a word to him...

Then when mt husband was dying, he was saying people came to see him (all deceased) and that my Dad came to get him, but they wouldn't let him go. At the end, when his mom came, he was gone.

That is strange you stay that sandeestttn, when my mother in law was dying at home due to cancer she said things like this room is crowded with people when I was the only one in the room with her. Then when my husbands grandfather was passing due to vascular dementia he said he was talking to his daughter who died eight months before him. I thought and was told that all the stuff they said was due to the pain meds they were on.
So I guess I am not loosing my mind because I believed it was true that they were talking to people.

If you know someone is your soulmate, it does not matter how long you were with him/her. The loss is just as acute, nor, I feel sure, whether you were married or not. The grief is just as devastating.

As for whether our loved one will be waiting on the other side for us, I cannot say. I am not a religious person but I do feel the spirit goes on.

My great-grand mother lived to be 98. She died peacefully in her sleep, many years ago now but I do remember her very well for she died when I was about 16. Her husband died in Verdun during the First World War. He was 26. She never remarried and raised her only son, my grand-father, on her own. When we had the use to talk together, many times she mentioned that she was worried as to whether her husband who died so young would recognise her when she did get to the other side, by then of course she was in her 90s. I did not have the answer then and I do not have it now but I hope she met her long disappeared husband and that he recognised her.

Hugs.

I'm grateful for those days of not feeling the loss. They are becoming more and more frequent. don't think anyone is a bad widow/ widower. I think people are just judgmental.

With the work I do, and sometimes that involves taking care of people who are nearing their end of life, I have had many conversations with people who are passing telling me they are seeing people in their room, family members who have passed. I know they are really seeing them, because the person who is passing will ask me what do I think that means, why are they showing up in their rooms. Also I have been told by the person passing that they are being show pictures. These visions, and sometimes conversations can vary in time to passing. Someone may seem healthy one day and then a week from that point they have passed, but at some point they have had someone with them from their family that has passed and told me, sometime just to say who was that sitting in their room, or who was that person talking to me.

I do believe that this life is just part of an ongoing part of us, of who we are..

Sorry for the hijack Sammantha ~

Papagena, that is a wonderful story about your grandmother & her long deceased husband ~
Now I don't feel like the only one not wanting to remarry. I don't know what I'd do w/a man. He'd have to live in the shed & be the gardener or handyman. Menopause is great w/one particular issue! *hee, hee*

I believe we are always surrounded by loved ones, in life, and in death, the biggest journey we have loved ones with us, to direct and take your soul home. Death has to be so painful.

I believe their spirit lives on with their love ones here, so in that sense they never leave us. When we pass over to wholy spirit we are greeted by the loving spirits who passed before us. There is no doubt we recognize each other for it is our spirits that bonded here. Just my thoughts. Sharon

@Dotconnector. Be assured a great many widows and widowers don'tfeel they want or desire a new relationship after losing their spouse. I was one of them. Then life took a turn and I fell in love witha man who is my perfect companion. Live life on your own terms but don't close the door until you see who's knocking. Sharon

I moved both of my parents into our house when my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was able to spend most of my time with her and the help of hospice towards the end. My mom would look at the door to her room and have the biggest smile on her face, she would put her hand out and wave "whoever" into the room. I knew she could see someone and she was Happy to be seeing that person. My father during this time ended up at the ER with one of his spells and he sat in the bed and asked me who were all of those people in the room in caskets. I knew he was as serious as I am right now writing this. I TRULY know there is another world out there. Now, whether our spouses (1 or 2, or 3) are all going to meet us, I am really not sure about that at all.
And, as many of you have already mentioned, I NEVER plan to remarry, my husband is the love of my life. Hope that helps Sammantha. ((Hugs)) Vicki

This is so kewl, hearing what each of us believe. In the real world, people get mad if you don't believe the way they do. To the point of arguing.

Opens up your mind, and thoughts. Clears out a bunch of cobwebs that we were caught up in.

Yeah ever since I posted this I have been clear headed about certain things. Like, for instance yes grieving is going to take a while so just work on healing myself and taking care of my animals. Not to let anyone get you down or angry.

Interesting questions. Here goes....

"If we the widows /widowers find away to get though our lives without feeling the loss of our loved ones does that make us bad people?" NO - I think what would be bad would be if that is ALL that you remembered. Your husband's LIFE will mean more than his loss eventually. His life will be a cause for comfort and even celebration and gratitude.

"Also will our spouses greet us when it is our time to go?" Possibly. Possibly not. I don't think the journey is so long that it will matter.

As for what happens if you have more than one spouse, I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but it is possible to have more than one "soulmate" - the next life isn't about physicality or sexuality. That's what the whole "no marriage in heaven" concept is about, which if you misunderstand its meaning is so upsetting. It doesn't mean you don't see them again or that they won't love you or whatever. You remain connected throughout, but you won't be shagging, so the restrictions required for this life don't apply there. The "till death do us part" in the vows has to do with the physical side here, it is meant to support the earthly side of being partners, promote monogamy and prevent adultery because society here is better when that's the case. When you remove the demands and complications of a physical/earthly existence for one partner, the other partner is free to remarry (or not or whatever). That is why the major religions all allow widows/widowers to remarry. The only exception I know of is a Hindu sect where the widow (and it's only women, not the guys) is supposed to throw herself on the funeral pyre and burn to death, and that is because culturally the widow will not be supported by anyone and she has almost no rights on her own. Gruesome and brutal, and probably explains why there is a Biblical passage exhorting people to care for the widows in the community - it is a change from a previous practice. Anyway, if God was going to forbid it, it would have been forbidden.

I fully expect to be with both of my husbands in the next world.

There is no requirement either way. Follow your heart. And don't be afraid.

Just two my cents....

Love and Hugs,
Martha