Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
( Am I an Abusive person ) In November of 2012 my half sister came to my house and threatened the life of me and my dying wife. I went to her car and I told her to leave. She wouldn't leave. I then hit her in the mouth and told her to leave. She didn't so I hit her again and she didn't leave. I hit her a third time and said leave or I wont stop hitting you. She finally left and later on I was arrested for domestic assault.
Just by reading that I bet you are thinking that I am a horrible person. I think I need to explain a little of the past before I go any further. My half sister is a Meth addict that I was trying to help and she did nothing but steal from me I caught her taking a television from my home and I immediately went to her car and got it out. I have done nothing but try to help her and she repays me by stealing from me. I was outraged and told her to leave. She left but 2 weeks later my house was robbed again everything of value was taken. My wife was devastated. I called the police and even told them who had my stuff or at least knew where it was. They shrugged their shoulders and paid no mind. I texted her and asked her why and she confessed that she had been stealing from me for years. I took the text to the police and they said that it was just here say and they couldn't do anything about it. She also constantly harassed me, sending me threatening texts over a long period of time. My sister made the last days of my wife's life a living hell and she knew that my wife was ill. That hurt me knowing that she knew what I was going through and she had the nerve to continue hurting me and Holly by sending these texts.
I was arrested after the altercation with my sister. Because we weren't sure that I could get off of the charges, my wife begged me to plead guilty so she wouldn't die while I was in jail. I hated the idea of pleading guilty. after what she did to me but I did so that I could focus on the last days of my wife's life.
I was sentenced to 1 year probation and domestic abuse classes. I can have my record expunged as long as I stay out of trouble, sense it was the first time that I have ever been in trouble. My wife died on March 3rd., A date that will be etched into my mind for the rest of my life. I hated the idea that I was put in a class that was full of wife beaters. I never hit my wife. She was my light in this pit of hell that I am living in. I don't have my light anymore and I feel lost sometimes. This site helps and I met a friend here that I care for a lot. Without her I would drown in my sorrows. Anyway I have finished the class this week and only have a month left of my probation. I am sorry this was so long. I have a journal that explains more about the other things in my life that I didn't talk about like losing custody of my son an going insane waiting 2 years for my wife to die.
I am 32 years old. I put this in because I don't want you to think I am in my 60s or 70s. I know that I could of handled things differently with my sister and I may be guilty in the eyes of the law, But am I morally guilty. I am not asking for approval. I am just asking do you think of me as an abuser after reading this.
Just by reading that I bet you are thinking that I am a horrible person. I think I need to explain a little of the past before I go any further. My half sister is a Meth addict that I was trying to help and she did nothing but steal from me I caught her taking a television from my home and I immediately went to her car and got it out. I have done nothing but try to help her and she repays me by stealing from me. I was outraged and told her to leave. She left but 2 weeks later my house was robbed again everything of value was taken. My wife was devastated. I called the police and even told them who had my stuff or at least knew where it was. They shrugged their shoulders and paid no mind. I texted her and asked her why and she confessed that she had been stealing from me for years. I took the text to the police and they said that it was just here say and they couldn't do anything about it. She also constantly harassed me, sending me threatening texts over a long period of time. My sister made the last days of my wife's life a living hell and she knew that my wife was ill. That hurt me knowing that she knew what I was going through and she had the nerve to continue hurting me and Holly by sending these texts.
I was arrested after the altercation with my sister. Because we weren't sure that I could get off of the charges, my wife begged me to plead guilty so she wouldn't die while I was in jail. I hated the idea of pleading guilty. after what she did to me but I did so that I could focus on the last days of my wife's life.
I was sentenced to 1 year probation and domestic abuse classes. I can have my record expunged as long as I stay out of trouble, sense it was the first time that I have ever been in trouble. My wife died on March 3rd., A date that will be etched into my mind for the rest of my life. I hated the idea that I was put in a class that was full of wife beaters. I never hit my wife. She was my light in this pit of hell that I am living in. I don't have my light anymore and I feel lost sometimes. This site helps and I met a friend here that I care for a lot. Without her I would drown in my sorrows. Anyway I have finished the class this week and only have a month left of my probation. I am sorry this was so long. I have a journal that explains more about the other things in my life that I didn't talk about like losing custody of my son an going insane waiting 2 years for my wife to die.
I am 32 years old. I put this in because I don't want you to think I am in my 60s or 70s. I know that I could of handled things differently with my sister and I may be guilty in the eyes of the law, But am I morally guilty. I am not asking for approval. I am just asking do you think of me as an abuser after reading this.
The last person I hit was in third grade, it's not something adults should even consider. Wether you are labeled an abuser or not really is not important.
Hopefully you learned something in the class that will help you with this problem.
You may not be classified as an "abuser" per se. BUT, there are clearly indications that you need help to deal with impulse control and the management of anger.
Clearly you were under tremendous stress with your wife so ill, and it was a difficult time in your life. Even without your sister adding more to it. No question there. But, there are certainly alternative ways to deal with those kind of emotions. Violence is NEVER acceptable.
I do hope you find ways to work on this....and I'm very sorry for the loss of your wife.
The idea of people thinking ill of me because they do not know the circumstances depresses me.
I am not proud of what I did but I am no longer harassed by her. I accomplished my goal of her leaving me and my life in peace so that I could spend my final days with her. That was the only positive that I got from what I did and I couldn't promise that I wouldn't do it again. I couldn't and still don't see another way that she would leave us alone.
Many addicts end up caring only about themselves - oftentimes even after the addiction is over and they have been sober for 5 years. I'm speaking from experience too - that of my sister-in-law who we gave and gave and gave to and now has not one ounce of concern for the child she gave up or the people who did so much for her for so many years.
Try to put the sister and experience behind you and keep her out of your life. Unfortunately you had too much to deal with other than her and for your sister to then respond in that way was way beyond cruel. But then again she was an addict and they say it changes the brain. From what you said, I don't think of you as an abuser. There is a limit to what people can handle and anyone who thinks they could have handled it differently - I would say until they are in the same experience with all the same emotions, they can't really know and should not necessarily judge.
( Am I an Abusive person ) In November of 2012 my half sister came to my house and threatened the life of me and my dying wife.
inside your house attacking you...no
Outside, once, twice three times to get your way? Those are violent tendencies under stress. granted your sister knows how to push your buttons, But when you call the police , You call for a trespasser that You fee is under the influence of something, not reasonable to be safe for those around the.
So did you use anger and size to hit her? yes. Did she resort to the same? no, so it is a domestic assault. You didn't plead guilty to wife beating , you plead guilty to assault. There are "wife beaters" there at those meetings that may have also had their buttons pushed, but it doesn't not excuse the violence of it Drew. Unless it is for self preservation or protecting your wife/child from attack. It is violence on your part.
But what is in the past is in the past now. You need to move beyond this. Obviously, you should not let anyone get to you to the point where you strike them. You need to make sure your half-sister is never part of your life again. If need be, if she starts trying to come around again, get a restraining order (a "keep away order" it's sometimes called), so that if she shows up again, you call the police and say you have a restraining order against her, and then they have to take her in. Don't try to get into a confrontation with her again.
Drew, there is nothing I wouldn't do to protect my family. However, I know I have to stay within the bounds of the law. You do, too. I understand what happened and why, and I hope you are never put into that kind of position again, and that if - God forbid - you do have to make a choice, that you will make one that will not get you into trouble. It's not worth it.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
The fact that your sister is a meth head is irrelevant to the court; she is a human being w/rights ...
Most people do not view drug addicts as sick, but they are - mentally, physically & spiritually ...
Sadly, they are often abused b/c they're viewed as worthless ...
As a former probation officer, I had many abusers who were on probation for a one time offense ...
The purpose of the classes are to help each individual be aware of how & what activates their anger, learn to decompress - manage it properly ....
I always had at least one probationer complain about not learning anything, not identifying w/the others thinking he was better than they are b/c it was only a one time offense ...
Excuses are also irrelevant, the court handed down a sentence that had to be fulfilled ...
I would candidly tell the probationer to focus on learning coping skills, his own behavior & not be judging others - taking everyone else's inventory ...
I've experienced tremendous stress, hatred & rage ...
Every six weeks for 2 1/2 years at the courthouseI had the opportunity to yell or physically attack the man who killed Bob ...
I also had the opportunity to do so at Wal-Mart, gas stations, restaurants, but I kept on w/my business even though I was livid - clenching my teeth - feeling like my head would explode ...
It would've been so easy to follow him out to run him over w/my truck or flip him the bird ...
After each court appearance or contact passing by, this man would smile at me or laugh hardily making certain to look me directly in the eyes as well as my kids ...
He was sentenced to probation - the same sentence for a road rage incident he had completed only a week prior to killing Bob ...
During & after court as always, I kept my mouth shut went directly home to scream my head off - no breaking or throwing things - just pacing, crying & screaming followed by sleep ...
Be aware of what sets you off ...
Angler &/or stress do not happen only time in the lives of any people ...
This all fact!
The people on this forum are dealing with the loss of a loved one. It seems to me that you punching your sister has nothing to do with figuring out how to deal with the losses we have suffered.
I'll probably get banned for this post, but, really dude, there are a lot of sympathetic people here, but not for physical violence.