Hi Diane,
l didn't have panic attacks, but for the first months into this painful road, as soon as l closed my eyes it was like turning a dvd player on, l lost my wife to gastric cancer, and as l was saying as soon l closed my eyes l could see her, l could hear her so real, it felt like l could touch her, but over time it has gotten better or l've gotten used to it.
l miss her every day, but l talk to her, maybe that has helped me,
l hope l had the words that you need to hear, all l can tell you it's that l can feel your pain,
peace and love in your heart. Hector

I didn't have panic attacks. I did have shakes on my hands at the beginning and can't sleep from time to time.

I can understand your feelings. When the sun has gone down and the last rays of light slowly disappear, I feel surrounded by loneliness and I will keep the TV on, no matter what is on. I cannot read or do anything else except wait for the morning. When I slowly open my eyes and see the sun's early rays, I feel ecstatic that the long night is over. I'm at 3 years and I wonder if this will ever change.

However, I have taken to heart all the advice on how to get a good night's sleep. I used to take every kind of pill there was to get to sleep but found that none of them offer a permanent solution. I stopped all pills and follow the regimen of not eating or drinking after about 8 PM, not being on screen for an hour before bedtime, and going to bed at the same time each night. I make sure I've addressed any pain issues (with medication) or hunger issues (eat small bowl of cerea if necessaryl) before I get in bed. I'm sleeping surprisingly well. I would never have thought I would. I hope you will find the pattern that suits you and allows you to fall sleep gently.

Sleep problems are often a side effect of many issues in grieving and stressful life circumstances. Because my husband hallucinated at night I frequently woke up check on him and this continued after his death. I sought the help of my family physician and with his help got back on a regular schedule of sleep. It certainly took time though. I have friends who sleep on the sofa in their livingroom for long after losing their spouse because the bedroom is too painful alone. Wishing you well and know your not alone with this. Sharon

I usually sleep with the washroom light on, enough so it does not disturb my sleep when I finally fall asleep. I am finding I can not go to sleep unless I am exhausted, and I usually take blackberry tablet to watch things on Youtube, again, to help my mind focus on something.

I will now and again when stress is high to take medication that was prescribed by my doctor, which can help me sleep, but not always.

Sleeping is hard to do, but so is waking up. I never wake up with purpose anymore. I am very unhappy when I wake up and just strive to get through each day, each hour.

Diane, I just read your Post about night times bringing panic attacks, and can relate to what was written by you and others. For many months as bedtime came, I'd had "flashbacks" to how I found my DH and the scene was so clear. Like Hector said, almost like a DVD/movie playing that final scene each time I'd close my eyes.

But I kept reminding myself that my husband would NOT want me to stay focused on that very sad final chapter...I needed to think about and picture him in happy times.

To help get past that, I put a small CD player next to my bed, with a timer, and I play a CD with my favorite relaxing, soothing music. It's a big help, I'm usually asleep by the 3rd or 4th song.

As NewRoads said, I turn off any "electronics" (computer, TV) at least an hour before bedtime. Instead I listen to the most comforting music, and hope for a decent night's sleep. You are not alone, we understand those feelings.
Sending you (and everyone here) a "Goodnight Hug"...
Nancy