I'm so sorry for the recent loss of your husband. You're so right in the fact that you are very early in your journey. My husband died almost 7 years ago, so I'm at a very different place than you. I want you to know that grieving never ends as it is an ongoing, loving tribute to your husband, and don't let anyone tell you to move on, get over it, etc. It is insulting and hurtful to hear such nonsense. I actually came to this site about 6 months into my grief and it really helped. Today I decided to come back and your post is the first one I saw, so here it goes. First, you will NEVER forget the details of your husband. They will always be there so be comforted that wonderful memories will crop up when you need them the most. Now, if I were to go back in time and talk with my newly grieving self, I would let myself know that this intense feeling of living on the moon really will not last forever. I would advise myself to let my gut-wrenching feelings flow and not focus on other people's well-intentioned-advice when they have no idea what I'm going though. The "feeling sorry for me looks" were not helpful. I would tell myself to embrace and surround myself with family and those who would allow me to talk about my husband instead of fixing my emotions and situation. In my experience, the raw sadness will not go away until the brain actually gets sick of the torture, and then it SLOWLY lifts on its own. Fasting forward, I still miss my husband terribly, but somehow have evolved into an extremely proud independent woman. I feel like an empowered survivor who has accomplished so much on my own out of sheer survival and determination. I've figured out how to refinance a house, buy a car, fix a riding lawn mower from a Youtube video, figure out the best plumbing deal when a huge part of my yard had to be dug up, go to court against someone who stole my truck, survive on my own income, etc. So yes, I do know and and have been where you are. Please let yourself grieve and work through the intense pain because the benefits are necessary for your future self. Huge hug!

Thank you so much, Jstme I really appreciate your words. I know how to do a lot of things in life (like mowing the lawn, taking care of plants/garden, cleaning the house/cars, etc), things like that I have done all my life. My dad taught me to do these things at a very young age. Mostly, I am afraid to do things alone. Although I have done things alone this time will be different and this time I will have no one to fall back on. I became a caregiver to my parents about 5 years ago and I havent worked in 5 years. Now that my husband is no longer here I will have to work. My plan is to move at the first of the year. Im not able mentally to take care of my parents and financially I will have to work. That alone going back in to the work force is scary enough. Besides my parents mindset is that I should be okay which causes tension because I know they dont understand -yet. Anyway, this is more than I was planning to respond with but I do appreciate your words. Hugs,Amy

Understood. Doing things alone is hard. Hopefully moving will be the catalyst for positive change for you. Take care and I"m rooting for you!

NoOneKnows,
I like you are new to this journey. Four months exactly for me. You won't forget the memories or his voice. I truly believe that God has them locked in a special place in our hearts to bring out when we're ready. Then when I just need to feel him close: I sprayed his cologne on his favorite shirt and sleep with it every night, to help keep me company as the nights are long.

Thank you tsheart, will be thinking of you. Hugs, Amy

Three months on this path is a very short time. Things do not change overnight. I know it's a cliche but it's true. You have to take this journey one step at a time. Along this path you'll find other travelers. Some you will connect with. Others you may not. The ones you do connect with may be ahead or behind you. That matters not. What does matter is the ones you do connect with, hold on to them. They will show you the way and you them. Not a one of us gets to the end of this path alone! If there is a end.

NoOne knows.... 6 months for me tomorrow, good days and bad days, but the days didn't stop, the earth is still revolving round the sun, kids still don't clean their rooms, they still want their attention and my help, where we where an amazing hubby and wife team, I am now alone. My son is 18 years lold and needs his dad more than ever, stepping into the adult life, I can't give him the guidance Robert could. But I can try. My daughter is 20, will get married one day and Robert can't walk her down the isle, but her brother said he will, with a pic of dad in his pocket. I sleep with his blue blanket that he took to hospital, hugging it at night. It helps. Spraying is cologne on it every now and then. Pictures of him still everywhere. Talking about him..... and missing him so much that my breath catches sometimes. My heart aches physically. here you can vent and scream and cry and say whatever you want, we all hear what you say, feel what you feel in our own way. Hugs and strength to you

Yes, this is a terrible place that we're all in. The 30th of this month will mark my three months without my husband so we are in a similar place, time wise. I am finding that I'm getting a little better every day though, and I sometimes go through whole days without crying. Other days, I'm Urkel, and grief is Muhammad Ali. You can imagine how that works out! I had a complete meltdown just the other day and it not only lasted all day but all through the night and tried to encroach on my next morning. I had to fight very hard to keep it at bay. I'm just sick of being sad and it feels like it's enough already! I know it's not over yet, but I also know I have to make a conscious effort every day to get better. It's the only way forward. Take care of you.<3 Anita

Thank you Lielie and Anita hugs to you both.

Today is my mother's bday. It's also the day I received the truth (gospel) many yrs. ago. She's gone and so is my sister, father and now husband. I spent almost the whole day reading in the simplified version of the bible (2nd Chronicles). A lot of wars and killing going on like now I guess. In one day 10,000 Edomite prisoners thrown off a cliff( Sela). And on another day 120,000 Judean soldiers killed...That's a lot of widows made... So when we ask why me it kind of puts it in perspective...God's people were disobedient at the time. If anyone thinks God does not punish/chastise they don't know God. But he blesses and prospers those who serve and worship him. We know our own circumstances. I'm not 100% sure of where my husband went and that hurts more than me not having him here. The same with the others in my family.

NoOneKnows - I'm coming up on 9 months since I lost my soulmate. He died less than 90 days after being diagnosed with cancer. He was my very best friend. We did EVERYTHING together, and had fun doing it! People would say we were "attached at the hip". We were good with that!
I wish I could tell you when the crying will stop, but I can't. For me, this week has been the first one, where I haven't cried every day, at least once. I don't know that it's getting "easier", but I guess I am accepting that I can't just wish this away, and no matter how much I cry, he isn't coming back. It hurts, it"s lonely, and it is really, really hard! So it truly is one day (sometimes one hour) at a time. Lean on others and as much as it isn't easy for those who are "strong willed" (me), let people help. Doing so is the exact opposite of weakness! It's being strong enough to love yourself and to understand that accepting love and assistance from those who love you and care, is truly the only way to pushing forward and forming your new (albeit unwanted) norm. Sending you positive strength, my friend! Hang in there! XXOO