Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

3 month mark this weekend

maryelnew
maryelnew
3 months ago today, if you go by day of week (not date) he had the surgery that we had hoped would be a cure and was in ICU by Friday evening and by sunday (march 22nd) he was gone. In my heart I could no longer feel him by Saturday and believe I knew but was in denial until Sunday my world came crashing down around me. It seems both so long ago and yet like yesterday. I started having trouble concentrating this afternoon at work and don't know how i am going to sleep tonight. I'll give it a shot though and am actually looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning. I've been so tired and do have alot of things to do this weekend, but I need to allow the sleep for me. I'm sitting out on the porch right now listening to the night sounds and I know how much he would love this and that temperture tonight would have been perfect for him/his heath as well - it makes me sad. I love the peace out here but am so sad we will never have those late into the summer night talks again. I know I am not powerful enough to have caused his death, but yet it weighs on my mind as I am sure it has all of us at one time or another

I know I need to move on and yet I want to wallow in this spot, afraid to stray futher from him. But I know myself, I will allow myself to acknowledge this sad milestone and then move myself forward. Tonight I dyed my hair a new shade perhaps to remind myself I need to become a new me.
wendimac
wendimac
I am also at 3 calendar months as of today, although it's actually been 15 weeks and 1 day. It all happened so fast, I can't get past it. The night before he passed, as my son and I walked up the steps into the hospice, I saw an image flash across my mind of him at a younger age. When we got in there, he was unresponsive, still breathing, but actively dying. I hoped for a miracle that night, but I knew...I just knew. The next morning, as I was about to leave to go see him, they called and told me he had passed...only 2 months after being diagnosed. I literally felt my heart break into a million pieces at that moment. Sunday would have been his 60th birthday. I still can't believe this has happened...
I can't stop with the 'what if's' even though it does no good now...I know how hard it is..I hope we can all move forward...but I'm still wallowing..
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
I knew my husband was terminally ill with lung cancer. I knew they said call hospice. We were both told. Yet, when that day came, I was shocked. We had talked for hours during that time of illness about our life and still the shock was there. I thought he would live another day, another week, not die today.

It's been 8 years now and I live again, but somehow it seems impossible to be true. Sharon
matoacalady
matoacalady
"I know I need to move on and yet I want to wallow in this spot, afraid to stray futher from him. "

Oh Maryel.....I am right there with you. I can't seem to move past this pain no matter how hard I try.....I do go out with a couple of friends, do small things around the house, but I cannot dig my way out of this dark hole and all it represents.
I too sit out in the evenings and listen to the sounds of summer, watch the lightening bugs and think how much he enjoyed doing those things and all I feel is sadness.
I want to live and move forward, I just can't find my way.

Jen
dschwartz
dschwartz
There is hope for moving forward my friends ... at the same time, it's okay to wallow in the spot you are in ... it's called early grief. Please don't push too hard to get to the other side, or expect to get there sooner than when it is meant to be. The grief journey is long and arduous for sure . . but if not allowing oneself to grieve and feel, it can be prolonged even further. We must move "through" it. Easy does it . . one day at time.

BTW Maryelnew . . coloring your hair was a very cool step in moving forward and testing the "new shade" in reinvention of self! Been there, done that. Hope you are liking the change!

Round of hugs, D
vernman57
vernman57
well today for me is our 17th anniversary and going into my 5th month of losing my wife to liver cancer we heard in November and jan 24 she went to sleep and was gone .we talked about it but when it happen my world came crashing down on me I blamed god,doctors ,who ever I could made deals with god ,and steal nothing I did would bring here back. I have done counseling and read a lot about grieving ,the pain is still there and has gotten better, someone told be about a sight called second first and got the book and have learned a lot from it and hope to start living again.