I am certainly no expert on dreams but from the outside looking in, I would really not give this much attention. Your husband chose you...he loved you...he married you. You BOTH look so happy in your picture and that is what you need to remember. Our dreams can mess with us sometimes and I think more times than not, it is something else entirely than what we dream about. I don't know if this helps at all but I hope you remember he loved you...you were his wife not those women in your dream. God bless.

I think there is a tradition of death being a lover who seduces and takes away the ones we love but I think that's probably too poetic an interpretation given your very real and unpoetic loss.

My take is that is part of the irrational feelings we have of abandonment, of somehow our partners wanted to leave us. Our dreaming mind then explores that feeling and overlays a twisted version of events.

So it may be that what is actually going on is the natural process of asking "why?"

It takes a while for that question to be resolved consciously and unconsciously, but it usually does at some point.

Unless you are suicidal it's not time for a mental ward.

I looked up dream interpretations and found this. To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem. The dream could also indicate that you are subconsciously picking up hints and cues that your significant other is not being completely truthful or is not fully committed in the relationship."
I would say that yes, feelings if abandonment, lack of attention and lack of commitment are applying right now. Not that I can control my feelings. They are just there. Also lack of trust. I find it very difficult to trust right now, since he died. My future dreams were stolen, my companion ripped away and my whole life has changed. Anyway, another part of grief that hurts. I don't feel so crazy now.

I don't think anyone is an expert on dreams, lol. I can see how if these are the only dreams you remember of him that it would bother you. I've not had any dreams at all of my wife who passed six weeks ago, and a friend of mine who lost his wife five years ago did not have any dreams of her until just this year.

As the poster above me said, your husband chose you, not some imaginary woman. You have a tough job now, parenting for two, and I suggest your dreams might just be like a nightmare I get when I am going to school and I can't find the location for the final exam - bothers me every time, but its not real.

Hang in there :)

Sending prayers of peace, comfort and courage your way, Mel. I can't imagine having the added challenge of helping my young children through this difficult process we're all in. My children are 25 and 21. I just can't imagine the energy it takes for you to get up and face each day, so no mental ward for you! You're doing a great job!

I'm a teacher, too, and at this point, I dread returning to school in a few weeks. I simply don't have the energy at the moment, but know it's what I need to do.

Wishing you sweet dreams, Mel!

Jackie

I'm not looking forward to returning, either, but at least it will vibe me something else to think about. That will be good. Yes, I believe it was a nightmare. Today, I don't feel like I slept at all. I'm going to try to nap. Hopefully, I will have better dreams.

Hi Mel, the abandonment, cheating, other relationship nightmares are very common when you lose your spouse/partner. I had some real doozies - Cliff left me for another woman, Cliff hated me and didn't want anything to do with me, Cliff was with another woman and laughing at my sorrow - oh yeah - the worst kinds of leaving me dreams, and I would wake up sobbing my heart out. It's your head trying to make sense of the incomprehensible - the loss of the love of your life. Don't worry - this phase passes, too. It was 4 or 5 months before I finally had a good dream of Cliff. In that one he was standing on the other side of something that looked like a coffin and smiling at me. He was at peace and still loved me. Whew! What a relief!

Eventually, the dreams will ease up and you may find you are having all sorts of dreams about your husband. I have had funny ones, strange ones, significant ones, and yes even erotic ones about Cliff. He shows up regularly in my dreams now, but it doesn't freak me out anymore. It's often something very mundane now, and I don't cry when I wake up. It's more like he stopped by.

Hope you get some good sleep. We all need our rest!

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Had another bad dream. I guess I need to get used to it. In this one, I was in the hospital and he didn't come get me. The hospital caught on fire and I had to walk home. When I got home, he was high on drugs and indifferent towards me. I didn't realize I had abandonment issues, I guess I will have to work on those at night. Instead of sleep.

It's not an abandonment issue, it's grief. You are not crazy or whatever, you are grieving and trying to adjust and adapt to a new kind of life which you don't want.

There are a lot of different things that you can try to get some decent sleep. Before we talk about sleep aids though, one thing you might want to try is to write a letter to your husband. Write out everything you are feeling, and everything you want to say to him and even what you wish he could say to you. Put it all out there. Seal it with a kiss, and put it under his pillow on his side of the bed. This will (hopefully) let your mind rest while sleeping because you have expressed it all while you are awake. Get it out of your system, so to speak.

We've had a lot of discussions about sleep problems, and can do so again, but I wanted to give you that suggestion first.

You're not crazy, Mel, loss hurts. You will get through this though, don't give up.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I find it absolutely fascinating that my mind continues to work through this while I sleep, all the while trying to protect me. I am actually kind of grateful for it. I read a suggestion yesterday to deal with depression and anxiety; look up inspirational/ motivational videos on YouTube and watch the ones with the highest ratings. I typically read scripture in the mornings and I think I will add a video to my routine. I've got this! :)

I am somewhat in line with the feeling of abandonment and Lady death on this one. He is out of reach, moving in a different direction right now. Not yours but his. At least you are afforded to see him happy on the journey. Leave a note by bedside, "Meet me when I get there. Love your wife, ...." You are so young in your grief still, Mel. After my husbands passing and my initial reaction I went threw a release.
As a Native, I smudged myself and the room and bed my husband lay in, washed him with sweetgrass oil soap. Opened a window and smudged again, to allow him to leave on his journey. Not closure, but allowance. Regardless of me being ready for him to leave, he still had to leave. My heart to you.