Everyone tells me it gets easier as time goes on. Its been almost 19 months for me, and it is to a point but also harder in other ways.
Do you have children or something to keep you going? Get with a support group, try www.griefshare.org they are everywhere, just put in your zip code and it will find a meeting for you.
Take things slow for now, no rushing anything. Think things through before you do anything. Wait a year before doing anything major.

Now is the time for you to do what makes you happy, if you want to continue the farm and you like it do it, if not don't.

If you have to work find a job, if not , take your time an decide what you want.
Hugs,
JoAnn

I'm only doing this for alittle less than three months, but I like you had a lot of decisions to make and I wanted to make them early. I'm very realistic and I knew certain decisions had to be made, to make my life easier and financially secure. So if you have to make decisions only you know when the time is right. As far as it getting better, its only a short time for me but it has gotten better, by no means am I there but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope this helps
Somewhat, everyone on this site has certainly helped and continue to help me.

it will get easier, I can attest to this. I also have met many people who dealt with the loss, and I saw their progress in recovering from that initial terrible pain.
I am here only occasionally now; so many things have changed since the time of my husband's passing. I am stronger, I am more involved in the life around me.
You are only 3 weeks into the mourning; is just a drop in that process, but it is a process that you have already started. Writing and sharing is a part of it.

it won't be fast. I don't believe in a speedy mourning, skipped grieving, and recovery.

I am four years a widow, and I am still working on my new identity.
Wish you peace and find your way to get though this one of the most painful life changes.
hug

I just want you to know that your question of WHO AM I? is one we all have to find an answer to. I am so sorry for your loss. The first thing I want to say to you is that you do not have to decide this right away. It takes time because your whole life has turned upside down. I thought I would be Joe's wife and we would have our retirement together just like we had planned. We, too, had bought a little house in the mountains to spend time with family there when we retired. All that went up in smoke when Joe died. He was supposed to be with me always. He was my life, my love, my confidante, my support, my best friend. At our wedding no one said that this would end.....and end it would so many years before it should have. No one told me I would have to start over as a baby learning to walk. I had no control over my life when Joe was diagnosed with cancer. I felt like I was in a clothes dryer, tumbling over and over and over.

There is no alternative to finding out who you are without him. At first I wondered what I would do with every 24 hrs, day after day. For many months, I just prayed for one day to end and another day to end and for my demise to hurry up. However, the smart thing I did was listen to others who had been down this grief road. They said to get involved. Get involved with other people anywhere I could. I researched and joined another church closer to my home and more like my current situation. I met some wonderful, giving people. I began to spend more time with my grandson. I volunteered at the animal shelter, I helped with Vacation Bible School. Now, let me assure you that NONE of this took the place of my Joe. But it did help me to pass the lonely hours. I got a sense of being worthy by giving of myself. This is NOT the life I wanted, but I don't have the choice of having my old, wonderful life back. It is over. It was great, but it is over.

For now, I feel you should just take care of yourself. You are just beginning the road to finding out who you are without your precious one beside you. It won't come in a hurry but it will come. For me, I sold our vacation house in the mountains where his family lived. That was really a hard thing to do, but it has been 3 years since Joe died and I sold the house. The closing took place on the day he died of cancer.

My best advice is don't try to solve all your problems at once. Take the immediate ones first, give yourself as much time as you can, talk to other trusted individuals about your choices and let them chime in with their suggestions.

When I look back over my life, I realize there were many chapters to my story. I thought my last chapter with Joe would never end. But it did, and now I have another chapter going. Don't know where it will lead, but I'm on the road whether I like it or not. Coming here is a GREAT way to work through this chapter of my life. My best wishes are going out to you!

Who am I now? Thats a question so many of us ask and the answers are as different as we are. Some have an identity who they are and some see ourself as half of a team. No matter how you saw yourself it has changed. That is an adjustment after healing a little from the wound in your heart. You will be a new you, or a different you, at least thats how it was for me.

At three weeks, start adjusting to the moment. Eating alone. Waking up alone. Sitting alone on evenings and weekends. Coming home to alone. So much to take in.

My advise is to work on you and what you feel today, at this minute, and cry, scream, or whatever you have to do to release the pain, anger, fear, and uncertainty of now. Sharon

FIRST OF ALL
I have to give you some encouragement..

My husband died unexpectdly he left me with a bathroom completely torn apart....I couldn't afford to hire a carpenter to finish it...

I got neighbors and friends who came through with helping: one set of guys put in the new board flooring ( a wet spot around toilet was rotting away the floor) another guy friend put in the new shower, - I paid two young men to put in the new double sink cabinet, the counter top, and edging, my brother in law put up the sheet rocking on walls, MY daughter andI put on the tile flooring, I had a friend cut the trim boards, I stained and put those up, and anohter friend put in the lighting...I textured, and painted after doing the stuff you do on the sheet rocking...IT took time but it looks good and I am proud I did alot of work on it.

I also painted the hallway, bedroom, reoiled all my cedar walls in living room, kitchen and master bedroom, restained window moldings etc...

THe list goes on and on..Moral of Story YOU CAN do alot once you just get going...you will be amazed..and it was a good thing for the soul as tired as I got.
And than making the decisions on our 5 acres and place all on my own....I hated it but am now proud of "I did it" and nothing is broken beyond repair...

WHO AM I? This is the million dollar ?
When you had been the wife, the couple, you sorta do not become the YOU you were before you had a significant other, to become YOU the you that had changed - its an awakening and learning process. Be what you truly feel without being pushed by anyone or anything. Take your time.

I am Do it yourself project..... in process