The first dream I remember in which my wife appeared, it was as if she and I knew that she was visiting briefly from the afterlife. We had dinner with friends, and then she had to leave. That was nice, although a bit eerie perhaps. More recently, she was just nearby when I was trying to deal with a plumbing problem in the house. In this case, it was as if we were back in time, to when she was still aliveWhen she was alive, sometimes I would dream about her in a negative situation. This was always associated with me being overly hot, like a hot summer night, or the heater being set wrong, and that would give me bad dreamsI sometimes try to program myself to dream about her. Hasn't really worked yet, but I still have hope.

When I first brought my husband's remains home, I had a dream that we were sitting across from each other. I said in the dream..' Oh thank God..it a was only a dream'..then I looked up and saw the table with his urn sitting on it...I looked back at him, and said 'I don't understand...if you're alive, then...' and he just looked at me. Then I woke up. The same night, I had another dream where I was rushing to a hospital on the other side of the country...I ran into the emerg, and looked through a window to see him, on a gurney, wearing a white gown and covered in white blankets, He was smiling and waving...I woke up again after that. I have had a few others, where he was just standing there. I had another one a couple weeks later where I picked up my phone and it crumbled in my hand. I started to freak out, because it has the only video I have taken of him. Then I looked up, and he was in the bathroom combing his hair. I don't know what any of this means. I think at least one of them was a visitation. I had been feeling guilty (still am) for not getting him home before he passed away...I wonder if that has an influence.
Other than dreams, I have had some very obvious signs from him. I've been studying the paranormal, and how to raise my vibration so that I might be able to sense him better...but I don't know if that actually works...maybe I'm just desperate, or going crazy...I don't know.

I want to share another incident that happened as my son and I were walking up the steps of the hospice on the last night of my husband's life..an image of his face and shoulders flashed in front of me...I don't know if I was seeing it with my eyes or my mind, it happened so fast...I remember thinking 'that can't be good'...and sure enough, he was almost completely unresponsive when we got in there. He was pretty much comatose...the next morning,he was gone. I don't usually tell anyone this stuff because I don't want people to think I've lost my mind. Also some strange things happening around my home, ex. lights flickering, a box flew off the back of the toilet, a febreeze can flew off the counter, etc. I know that kind of strays from the topic of dreams, but I think, in a way, they are all connected. And I can honestly say that I hadn't been smoking anything before these things occurred...other than regular cigarettes...

Maryelnew, I have had the same dreams - I understand exactly what you are saying. I have been perplexed by them, what is there meaning, why do they have a negative frame work to them. I usually don't want to remember them or hold on to them becuase they bring up such sad feelings - they have diminished but they still come on occasion - if any one knows what causes these or what they may mean - please let me know.

I have dreams of him....the first one was a very intimate dream, others he was just there and we were doing things together....none have been unpleasant so far.

Wendi, our dog will sometimes look up at the ceiling above me and start barking for no reason. I do not think you are crazy. I think Ben was with me on those occasions.....it comforted me.

Dream interpretation is really an individualistic thing. Consider your feelings in the dream. Are they mimicking the feelings in your every day life right now? Perhaps anger, resentment, sadness, etc. Or on a positive, happy, joyful, etc. I think most of us process our subconscious in dreams. Not to say that some can't be dreams of "intervention and of the Divine". (I've had those too, but they are usually "aha, knowings".)

I often experienced early dreams of Jim that were not pleasant. With that said, I can tell you that the theme of my emotions played out in them . . anger, betrayal, etc. I simply learned that it wasn't indicative of our relationship, but more about my emotions and feelings at the time.

My three cents, for what it's worth. Round of hugs to all. xo, D

@ dschwartz

Thank you that makes alot of scents - I would agree - as I look back the dreams would mimick the feelings I was having or am having at the time.

I will say that it is difficult when they happen, and they are not pleasant, seem to leave me feeling worse, that I would dream such things.

Again thank you - your three cents was well worth reading.

My wife was a successful psychotherapist. Not Freudian, a bit more Jungian I think, and transactional - progress is made through action and interactions, and everything and everyone is connected somehow (I think).

In your dreams you are working things out. I think the negative tone of your dreams have much to do with your grief & loss - and dreams are the only way he can work these things out with you.

Following her death, I had a series of dreams in which we were just being like we always were, little mundane conversations, nothing out of the ordinary. When I woke up, I looked around for her, she was just over there - but she wasn't, I remembered.

I had one dream in which we went to a Rolling Stones concert. That was fun. I have never seen the Stones, but I watched a video of their famous free Hyde Park concert, which probably prompted the dream. We loved music together, and saw shows by Lou Reed, Bob Dylan, Miles Davis.

Just a couple of weeks after her death, I heard a poem read by Marilyn Lightstone on her show Nocturne on Classical 96.3, a radio station in Toronto. I listen to that station while sleeping, on weeknights; on weekends I listen to jazz on WBGO. That's just my pattern. Lightstone is an intellectual and a famous actress - her shows 11pm-1am are wonderful, funny, touching, comforting - with great music!

This poem sent chills trough me:

Haunting My Husband by Toni Clark

Nothing much has changed.
He looks right through me,
doesn't hear a word
I say, forgets all
my instructions: where
we keep the strainer,
how to fold the sheets.

I trail him room to room,
like our old hound dog,
waiting for welcome -
come here, old girl -
careful to walk
around furniture
I now could well pass
through, wondering
what trick to try next.

He may lift his head,
as though sensing
a barometric shift,
a thickening of air,
but it's always nothing.
He shrugs, carries
his empty cup to the sink.

I still wrap myself
around him, rubbing
my cheek against his
stubbly morning face,
and can almost feel
the scrape of whiskers.

And sometimes at night,
dazed by dream, he still
reaches out to me,
before I resolve
into my true form:
a lingering memory.

I'd rattle dishes,
flick lights on and off,
whoosh past his ear
if I thought there were
a ghost of a chance
he'd notice.

from http://www.theguardian.com/books/2006/mar/06/poetry

While I was looking for that poem, I found another interesting one by John Milton:

On His Deceased Wife

METHOUGHT I saw my late espoused Saint
Brought to me like Alcestis from the grave,
Whom Joves great Son to her glad Husband gave,
Rescu'd from death by force though pale and faint.
Mine as whom washt from spot of child-bed taint,
Purification in the old Law did save,
And such, as yet once more I trust to have
Full sight of her in Heaven without restraint,
Came vested all in white, pure as her mind:
Her face was vail'd, yet to my fancied sight,
Love, sweetness, goodness, in her person shin'd
So clear, as in no face with more delight.
But O as to embrace me she enclin'd
I wak'd, she fled, and day brought back my night.

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/on-his-deceased-wife/