Hello everyone. My name is Steph and I'm 23. I have been following everyone's posts for a few weeks and have finally gotten the courage to join the group. I am not an actual widow, but my boyfriend passed away Dec 22, 2012. His father and my father were best friends since high school, so I knew him my entire life. My boyfriend's name is Kenny. Anyways we were best friends from about middle school on. We were never apart even when we were in other relationships. Finally in Oct. we decided it was finally time for us to be officially together. We both said we always knew we were going to be together, it was just a matter of timing. It was finally our time. My life was amazing, I couldn't ask for more between him, a new job, everything. Then my life turned upside down. We weren't in a relationship for very long, but I lost my best friend. This is where I am looking for any suggestions, help, anything to help me. Kenny was in a tragic accident. He drove a giant truck that was very powerful. He was driving 3 friends home and the truck's throttle got stuck and they went through a telephone pole and into a tree. He was cleared of alcohol. Everyone lived through the accident but Kenny was extremely disoriented because his side took the hit and he had already had 3 concussions throughout his life. Anyways, he lived to hunt. His gun was always in his truck simply because he hunted so much and lived on a farm. He apparently panicked and ran to his friend's tree stand in the woods next to the accident and went to hide the gun. However, some type of accident happened and the gun went off, shearing the side of his face. At first everyone thought he chose to do it. However, this was not possible. He was the happiest kid, alwayssss laughing and cracking jokes. And the site of the bullet proved it was all an accident. He was also 23. I now am at his parent's house almost every day. His parent's are my second parents. They are so amazing to me. I just don't know what else I can do. I went back to work after 2 weeks, but it's just going through the motions.

I'm sorry for rambling on, I just was wondering if anyone has any words for me? I'm so lost, confused, sad. I cry every single day and just feel like a zombie. I guess I can't believe he's actually gone. He was so full of life. And we are so young, I just don't understand. I also have night terrors very frequently about death. Is that normal? I'm willing to hear any suggestions for help. Thank you so much.