Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Finally

randall441
randall441
After four and a half months, I finally got a call from the medical examiners office. He said that my wife had Leukemia; it was never diagnosed and caught me completely by surprise. It does explain some of the symptoms like no energy, lots of joint pains and just not feeling well a lot of the time. I don't know a lot about the disease but plan on researching it.

In part it does finally give me some closure of knowing what happened, but leaves a lot of unanswered questions of how her doctors didnt catch this and help her get some treatment or at least some relief from the pain she was going through. I'm really feeling guilty for not spending more time with her and if it were diagnosed, I would never have gone on the trip I was on when she passed. I just feel so cheated of time I wish I had with her.

Marlyse told me before I left that she didnt know what, "but something just wasnt right". She went back to the doctor the next day and he changed her blood pressure medicine and she thought that was the cause of the issues she was feeling. I offered to stay with her and she convinced me that she would be ok.

Feeling lost...!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi randall, I am happy that you have some closure on the reason for your wife's death but I am sooo sorry for your pain of what comes from that knowing. I also have the unanswered questions why the docs didnt catch her cancer earlier. I know we all feel cheated and guilty, this is part of our horrible grieving process. In time hopefully we will work through these feelings and make some sense of them. In the meantime, take one day at a time, breath...and have faith that you will weather this storm with the help of family and friends and God of course. Blessings to you, Bernard
deleted_user
deleted_user
Glad you have answers, but so sad they come to late. The old saying hind sight is 20/20 is never more true than when we think back on the day we lost our loved ones. I know for me it is the battle with high blood pressure with my husband, the doctor kept trying different cocktails of BP meds and nothing worked. Hind sight for me would be to tell the doctor to look in his brain for the blood vessle that was ripe to explode, but who knew? However, I am grateful for the 38 years we did have and that is what gets me thru.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
I am glad you received an answer to what happened, but as with every answer we find so many more questions. Why, the question that never gets it's answer always lingers.

I send you wishes of peace and love as you gallantly work through this horrible minefield. Sharon
doyew
doyew
My husband had leukemia, and died after 2 years of treatment - at 74. I have heard of others who were not diagnosed until after death. There are several kinds of leukemia, and also various blood disorders which sometimes lead to it. I think we are very shocked these days when doctors can't supply the answers we need. A friend of mine (73) was hospitalized last week and had almost NO blood pressure. She was given 7 units of blood in 2 days and finally sent home. After many scans, tests, scopes etc., they still don't know where she was losing blood. Don't blame yourself - because there was no way you could know. You can share your feelings here - and receive the understanding you need. We know what a terrible loss you have suffered.
Wishing you peace - Doye
missmyhero
missmyhero
Oh...the "if onlys" I'm glad you now have answers,....but yeah...every answer leads to more of the dreaded "if onlys" If only I knew 'this...then I would have done 'that'!

Hindsight is 20/20 and it is not attached to all of the feelings, emotions, numbness, sleeplessness, hurt, stress, etc... that the actual time was attached to. We were living in hell and did not have "time" to figure it all out at the time...or we were living without all fo the answers and we were acting as "human beings" making normal "human" mistakes with our lack of knowledge. But yes..the "if onlys" haunt us for years and years...

I am trying so so hard to never revisit the "if only's" myself...but still I am human.

My husband told me that I was his "angel and I saved him." I couldn't save him from the brain tumor. Yes..."IF ONLY.....IF ONLY...IF ONLY!"

Just wanted to say that we all understand where you are with this...
Because we TOO are all only human...

hugs...
-Diana