Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

New to the group

crazygecko
crazygecko
Hi everyone.

I was referred here from the bereavement group by cliffskat. My wife died in a car accident on October 11, 2009. We were high school sweat hearts, and had been together since we were 17 and 15 respectively. 20 years in total. We went through so much together! I had a really difficult childhood, with an abusive alcoholic father and a mother who abandoned us. When I met my late wife, at 17, I was addicted to drugs and the wounds from my third suicide attempt weren't quite healed... She stood by me, supported me, and loved me until I learned to love myself. I truly believe that I owe her my life.

And then she was gone.

We also had a beautiful little girl, who is 6 1/2 years old now and who has, at time, been the only thing that kept me going.

I have been seeing someone else for about a year now, and had recently found out that we are going to have a baby. To say that I'm conflicted would be to put it mildly. All I know is that I have to figure this out fast. I guess that is why I am here!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Everyone has the right to move forward with their life -
How a person chooses to do it is theirs to make -
You will always love your wife, although, it beomces different over time as you have learned -

Your life & your daugher's life are moving forward with a your new partner & baby on the way -
The decision to move on has already been made, its in progress -
There is no need for guilt b/c life is full of changes -
All that is required is your acceptance & presence in your new life -

Good luck ~
deleted_user
deleted_user
So sorry for your loss. Welcome to the group. I hope you find some comfort here. I lost my wife two months ago. It's been tough. I am glad you have t your child to focus on. My four kids have been a blessing in helping me cope.
barbarame
barbarame
Know that all things will work together for your highest good. Leave everything in that hands of the One who is greater than we are. ((HUGS))
jewells1
jewells1
Good morning, I hope this day finds you better. First of all it is okay to love again, if you are lucky enough to find someone who takes all of what you have been through and doesn't run away with the speed of light. Count you blessings. Your first wife gave you the love you needed to accept the past as past. I think you may find the only thing causing you anxiety is the sudden changes of the relationship. With a new baby on the way, you know as a father what that means. Sometimes it is easier to see the oh no! before you remember the oh yes'. Depending on each other as parents and partners to raise a beautiful child is daunting. But the unspoken rewards are so great, and will be great for your daughter as well. So include her in this prep for her new brother or sister. Give her the feeling of "ownership" as the new role of big sister, but take care she understands that this is an addition, not a substitution. Family councilling is not always for the bad it can also help break in new territory. The two of you have been through alot together and the change in dynamics may be what you and she will feel. As long as you and your new partner are in love and committed to creating this family together, your daughter will adjust fairly easy. This is a life example for her. I come from a large family and have been upclose and personal on this change happening. My brothers first wife passed in child birth for a second child, his was a double loss. His son was 6 at the time. After about a year he met what was to be his future wife. 2 years later they wed. Well it's been 35 years, and three more children. The children , all of them are treated , loved respected equally and individually. There is no line of his and thiers to be seen. As a sister inlaw, I see his second wife as stronger than his first, she took the whole package and made it one family. Good luck on your new path.