I unfortuneately was thrown into a family gathering at 9 months. My oldest SIL who was very close to her Brother (MY Tim)could not understand why I was crying. It was her Husband's 60th surprise Bday party. My BIL My Tim's older and only Brother did not say anything to me and to my knowledge did not even look at me. The only thing enjoyable about the evening was seeing all the my Grandson's play with thier long distance cousins.
Yes I am very hurt by my BIL but it's his loss that he has no manners.
I feel I made My Tim proud bringing his amazing Grandson's to see everyone.
You have to do want you feel is best for you. But you do have to not let peoples lack of manners get you down, they aren't worth it.
Hugs, Sandi

I shared many of the same feelings as you the first family gathering after my wife passed. You are the best judge if you are up to going or not. My only suggestion would be if you go to have a escape plan. What I mean by that is if things get overwhelming you have your own car to get home. Focus on supportive relatives when there. Best of luck to you.

I think your decision depends on how important it is to you & the people closest to you. If it means alot to those you love I would then "consider" going. Next, I would think about whether I could hold it together so as not to put a damper on the occasion. If you're a very emotional person & it's too soon to be amongst family I would think people would understand you're not being there.

I'm 7 months out too and social situations are still uncomfortable for me also. I know they are important so I go when I can but I try to leavemyself an out. I make them a day trip or get a motel room so I can seperate myself if I feel the need. I feel like I can engage a little better with a safety net.

My husband died 12 months ago. He was one of 11 children and two of his sibling passed away just before him. His family held many family gatherings last year because they needed to support each other. I attended the ones on the days that I felt good. They understood. The ones that I chose to attend I made sure that there was someone there that could get me out if I needed to leave.
This year I have also attended the ones that I want to attend. I agree with what the others are saying if you want to go, then go. Just make sure that you have away out if you need to leave

yeah, my sympathies to you. It's not easy. I've always been fairly while my husband wasn't (but went to family things anyway for me). While my siblings did all send card/flowers or call, most of my nieces and nephews did not. yeah, i'm a little hurt by it, but it's not like they ever send any other cards or anything. For the distant ones I even had to check with my sibs to make sure they told their kids that he died!

We haven't had any big gatherings yet, for which I'm grateful, but it's not easy dealing with my dad: he has dementia and doesn't really remember anything more recent than maybe 10 years ago. so no matter how many times I tell him, he doesn't remember that Tom died. so we frequently have to go over that. that's tough.

If you feel up to going to the gathering, go. but don't force yourself if you're not ready to see them and let the hurt go enough to be civil. and you can always leave early?
-Judy