Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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kimmyewing 04/10/2015

So today is the day I become a big girl and close on my first home. While it is a frightening experience I think it is the next step I need to take to be able to keep going thru the process of healing. Until now I have been so busy with family and finding a home and packing that I really don't feel like I have started grieving at all. I mean sure I am sad and sure I miss him like crazy and cry all the time but I haven't had to really deal with a situation yet that I am like Ryan would have done this for me or something along those lines. I am afraid I will be sitting amongst boxes one night and just have a complete breakdown that I can't come back from. I already have a lot days that it is hard for me to get out of bed. On the 26th of March it was the three month anniversary of his death and for some reason I woke up close to the time he died and couldn't go back to sleep and or stop crying and I spent the entire Easter weekend alone in bed sleeping/crying on and off. Has anyone else had the problem of pushing their grief off for whatever reason and it then just coming and hitting them full force in the face and completely shutting you down. I already feel like I came back to work entirely too early and I am worried I will get into this new place that will have nothing to do with him and I will have a complete melt down and not be able to get out of bed to come to work for the day. My therapist tells me that if I am holding things in all day to make it thru my work day that it will eventually have to come out sometime and most of the time that's when I am alone at my house. Well now I wont even have the place that connected us, the place he died in and I am not sure I will be able to make it thru.

themaster 04/10/2015

Don't sell yourself short. You are already a month ahead of me in this process. Any breakdowns you have can be recovered from. I've had plenty. I returned to work after a week & a day. She died on Thursday & I stayed out the next day & following week..

Coming back was hard, but I am fortunate that I am usually alone at my desk.

I spent our 1st anniversary in bed, crying my eyes out. It was horrible. She died 9 days before our 1st anniversary.. I am beginning to feel better, now. I only cried once, yesterday. I was a bit misty, when I woke up.

But I now believe that it can get better. My Wanda wouldn't want me to be in perpetual torment and your Ryan wouldn't, either. Just let yourself feel what you have to feel, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do what you need to do.

KimKos 04/10/2015

Sending you a hug and well wishes to get you through today...you are not alone in your thoughts ..quite a few of your comments I really identify with. I might be one of those people that push off grief...honestly I don't know but I do know that I am capable of literally working myself up mentally that it can cause a physical change. May whatever it is that gets you through difficult times guide you...carry you...hold you through this day.

ramar 04/10/2015

I too don't like the life loosing my husband has left me. And I still have meltdowns. Reading others posts it's normal.
But I sometimes wonder if because I live daily surounded by everything that was "us" isn't harder then new. Everywhwere I look walk, move see reminds me of Ray. I am better when I am in new surroundings and busy.
Hope the move and all the "new" helps you go foreward. Each day will bring it's ups and downs, go with them that's all we can do.
Here's to you getting through this day and the ones that follow..hugs

Lisastp 04/10/2015

I'm sorry that you are struggling with so much uncertainty -- I know that a big change like a move is hard no matter what, so a big change like this just three months after your husband's death is bound to be rough. But I think that the advance worry about panicking or breaking down is more scary than actually breaking down. You're doing a lot, under very difficult circumstances, and at some point becoming overwhelmed is almost a given. But one thing I would say: don't forget to breathe deeply whenever you can -- my counselor pointed out that some of the panicky feelings and some of the exhaustion during grief comes from just constantly shallow breathing and never stopping to breathe deeply in and out. Sounds basic, but it does help. So maybe take five minutes every few hours and just breathe deeply in and out, to give your body the oxygen it needs.

matoacalady 04/10/2015

Kimmy.....loving thoughts are with you today. I hope this will be a good transition for you.

Hugs
Jen

dschwartz 04/10/2015

See, Kimmy, I told you . . you are an adult, doing adult things. I know it is so difficult to follow through with must do's . . . but you are doing what needs to be done. Give yourself a silent kudos and a reprieve when you can, knowing that you are being strong, stronger than you thought you could be. I am so proud of you, be proud of yourself.

Again, I certainly don't want to minimize your process today. Just know that you are capable of being the adult woman you strive to be. It's not easy at any age . .

My love and sincere thoughts are with you for positive momentum.

xo, Dayna

tiger1962 04/11/2015

You are more courageous than me. I rent but still can't assemble enough energy to find another place. Keep up. You are strong. Tiger

deleted_user 04/11/2015

Kimmy I think you are brave! I have thought about selling my home as well for the past 16 months but because I have three very small children and do not want to cause more change for them I have stayed. I sometimes think that the house and all of our stuff in it is a daily reminder of what we had. My husband passed away suddenly at 47 in our house so I constantly walk into our bedroom and relive the morning I found him. I think a move a fresh start is sometimes what we need to help us through the grieving and to start to re-build our "new" lives. My heart goes out to you because I know this is a very difficult decision...one that a lot of us have to eventually make. Hugs to you.

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